Communicating with SS
SS14 still won't talk to DH. He has cut DH off since about the 1st week in November. My question is how much should DH be reaching out? DH has been reading a lot and everything he sees with communication and an alienated child says to keep reaching out like normal. DH usually sent texts a few days a week and would try and call 1-2 times per week.
Now, doing this with radio silence on the other end is really hurtful to DH. In fact over the weekend we decided to text SS and let him know that DH was supposed to sign his extension papers for the Navy today. We wanted SS's thoughts. DH can also get out... not really the life plan we had talked about but not the end of the world either. I just told DH that if we do move, I agree to live in the midwest until kids are out of school, then he HAS to move me back to a coast. I won't agree to retire out there.
SS did not respond. Soo... I told DH to text BM, he did and nothing again. So I suggested that DH text BM and tell her that due to the alienation you can't extend in the military. That you are going to get out this summer and just work at the wal-mart in MIL's town so that you can be a bigger part of SS's life. --- I mostly just said this to send BM into a tizzy. DH makes a comfortable living, she would have her $$ cut by massive amounts if DH did this. There aren't jobs out there like there are here, so Walmart really might be as good as it gets if we moved there. I don't know if he is going to send it or not, I just want a reaction... any reaction so that she can't say she never received requests to have SS call DH.
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Don't play these games
You shouldn't be engaging with BM on crap like this. It's funny to think about, but it's not funny to do. And the luck you all have had with court, they would impute him at his military income and she would get to win again--and you all would be in a world of hurt.
And a 14-year old doesn't get a say in whether his father stays in the military or not. That's an adult decision, and putting him in a position where he thinks he has power is *such* a bad idea in your situation.
Personally, I wouldn't recommend reaching out to SS more than 1-2 times a week. A call and a text, maybe. Just thinking about you--definitely no pressure. You want him to know the door is open, but that it's his choice if he wants to walk through.
Yep just enough to document attempts
with ZERO expectations of course. Perhaps a wise judge/court will see that the BM is alienating the child and do something about it (yeah right)
We know what our plans are
We know what our plans are but if SS said, "Dad, I want you in my life. I want you to be here with me." -- It might change our plans.
I know this would be great to
I know this would be great to hear but I think your SS is so PAS'd by BM that it may never happen. I'm sure she monitors the texts that he receives from your husband.
It can't change your plans.
We don't allow children to make adult decisions.
I agree it’s not a child nor
I agree it’s not a child nor and ex spouses decision to make when it comes to DHs career, but I also understand the want to be petty due to the situation.
i also agree with the constant reaching out just a text “hi I love and miss you, hope you are well.” And leave it at that.
My DH did not reach out
My DH did not reach out weekly once the alienation settled in for a while, it was more like monthly or longer. But since you intend to go back to court, at least weekly.
Been going through this since
Been going through this since April - in fact, I need to update the ongoing saga in the Teen forum regarding DH's situation with SDstb15.
Nothing he can do. Text/email with no expectations, that's what my DH is finding so difficult. What's the point he thinks. He's in therapy so that does help, but with her bday and the holidays coming up he's at a loss about what to do.
I hate to say this
But if you live 1,000 miles away, How can DH be a father to his son. He see him two or three times year. If he really wants to be a father he has to over close to son so he can see him one or twice a week NOT year
once again this kid did not asked to be born. Your DH has to continue to reach out, actually visit him, and try to get something going between them. Him texting and calling is not enought. He has to actually do something
With this kind of BS, he could be a million miles away
And it still wouldn't make a difference.
Imagine if he quit his military career and moved to skidtown. And skid still didn't have anything to do with him. That's a very real possibility here.
Plenty of dads can parent from a distance. It's not ideal, but it's feasible, if BM isn't actively working against you, as seems to be the case here.
My kids dad is moving 3000
My kids dad is moving 3000 miles away- We are east coast and he is moving to California for the military. My kids will see their dad- Every spring break, almost the entire summer, Thanksgiving break, 1/2 of winter break. Then he and his wife will travel here 2x a year. They will see him almost monthly with the exception of Feb. (I think). ExH talkes to my kids almost daily and is totally informed and involved in thier lives (he lives 4 hours away right now). If he can't make a conference, we face time him in. Same with band concerts, softball games, basketball- on and on. It is called coparenting. It can be done and done well long distance. You just have to have parents that actually see the value in eachothers place in your child's life.