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Because SS16 isn't enough, SS21 wants to act out

justmakingthebest's picture

For those that don't know: My  SS21 is autistic. He lives with us full time, DH has had full custody since he was under 1 yr old. His BM is a really piece of work. SS is the oldest but she went on to have another 8 children by 6 different men, custody of none all before the ripe old age of 33- super classy. She hasn't spoken to SS in well over a year, could be coming up on 2 at this point)

Friday was quite the blow up with him and accepting accountability for his actions. He doesn't have to be perfect but when he doesn't do what he is supposed to, the answer is: Apologize, fix the problem and try and do better next time. That is all anyone can do. 

Instead SS decided to yell and be extra shitty to me. Since DH is on the crappy mids schedule that was supposed to be 2-3 days and has now been over a week, I swallowed it down, told him to leave the room and decided to talk to DH about it later. Well, we were all in the car and I needed to stop by the store for an avocado for the recipe I was making on the way home. SS made the comment that he wanted more soda. (He is only allowed on per day). I told him I wasn't buying anymore. That he and SS had been through 4 12-packs in 6 days. Drink some dang water. 

DH didn't realize, said something to SS about it and SS started yelling at him. I about flew out of my chair whipping around to stare him down. I told him that fine, since he thinks he is a big man now and can talk shit to his parents this is how things are going to change:

  1. I will no longer cook for anyone who is going to continually disrespect me.
  2. He will need to buy his food I will clear a shelf in the fridge and he can live like a real tenet in our house 
  3. His laundry better not get mixed up with ours or get in the way of ours because it will be tossed in the yard. He better not use my supplies either
  4. His rent ($160/month that goes into a savings account for him) will be raised to $450 month which is still substantially cheaper than any room for rent he can find in our area.
  5. I will not be driving him to work any more. Call uber. 

At that point we were at the store so I got out of the car. Apparently SS21 tried to say something and DH told him to shut up, burning a bridge with JMTB is a big mistake and he is going to learn now.

DH and SS16 came into the store with me. Apparently SS21 was just going to wait there in the heat. It was like 98 outside and he sat in the hot car for a good 15 mins like a dumbass.

When we got home he started yelling something, kicking the ground and then ran inside and up to his room. The next morning he came down- I had made blueberry pancakes, sausage, fresh OJ,fresh fruit- the whole 9 for DH when he got home. SS comes nosing around. I told him to stay the hell out of our food. He needed to call Uber and get to the store to get something for himself. 

He didn't think I was serious the day before. He spent the rest of the day kissing my butt, offering to vacuum, dust, take the dogs out, etc. He said he would do better and not yell at me and he was so sorry- blah, blah, blah. I finally let up for dinner Sunday and told him that this was his last warning. 

I am telling you ladies. between both these SS's I am going to lose it! DH owes me so big! 


advice.only2's picture

You really have your hands full with your husband's kids. I understand the commitment it takes to be a military wife and to be willing to step up and help him raise his children while he defends our country. I commend you for your service.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

SS21 was pushing his boundaries and you pushed back hard.  He meems to have learnt from his mistakes which is a credit to how you and your DH raised him.