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I would like thoughts &/or advise from other grandparents who are raising their step-grandchildren on disengagement. My husband and 8 have raised my step granddaughter, who is now 17, since she was 5 years old. She was removed (along with her infant brother) by Child Protective Services,  from her mother and placed in permanent custody, with us. My scenario is much like others I have read from Step Mom’s who have found themselves needing to disengage in order to protect their own emotional well being. I had a good relationship with my SG until around the age of 12.  It was like one day, she just decided she hated me and put in motion, every effort possible to triangulate the relationship between me and my husband. She was the “first” grandchild for my husband and he already had a difficult time adjusting to the role of “dad” in her life. He also tended (and still does to some degree) find it difficult to discipline her or see her “true colors”. I believe it had a lot to do with already being estranged from his daughter and hoping to have a different outcome with his GD. I have placed myself in the “Mother” role, as was natural for me since I met and married my husband after she was born and had never established a GM relationship previously with her.  At age 12, her resentment towards me being “in the picture” became very apparent. She wanted her “Papaw” to coddle and spoil her as he once did and despite all the love, attention & devotion I gave her, she just wanted me to “go away.” Over the past several years, it has become almost unbearable to live with her. She is a habitual liar and until recently, disillusioned my husband by portraying me as “treating her different” than her brother (my SGS), as well as accused me of mistreatment, etc.  I do understand her having “attachment” issues but I feel at this point, I need to disengage in order to keep my sanity. She blames me for everything wrong in her life, is disrespectful and does not feel or act like I have any right to instill any rules or have any say so whatsoever in her life. She mainly just wants us to allow her to do as she pleases and doesn’t take accountability for anything. It has gotten to the point where she completely ignores me. She does not speak to me,  unless absolutely necessary & will remain upstairs, in her room if I am home. My husband doesn’t say anything to her about her actions and I feel I have take any/all responsibilities for her upbringing as any Mother would. At this point, I don’t believe our marriage will last if I don’t turn over all parental duties to him alone w/regard to her. In this “blended family” do I disengage the same as a Step Mom would? I am currently at a loss & this situation has taken an emotional toll on me and my marriage! Thoughts? Advise?