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Should I remember SDs son on birthday?

Bethany's picture

Background: I have disengaged from the step drama. 36 year old is actively trying to get pregnant, already has one child and she never went after biodad for support. It was us who supported her. Her new boyfriend has no job, JUST had a new baby 3 months ago by ANOTHER woman and he has a toddler by yet another woman--of course, doesn't support either one.

Older SD ignores us except when she wants to come on vacation with us. She recently ignored my son's birthday, and NEVER sends a card for Christmas, Father's Day or my husband's birthday. He doesn't even get a phone call.

Today is one of the older SDs son's birthdays. I'm usually the one who reminds my husband. She, of course, posted on Facebook that it's his birthday.She never responds to any of my posts---however, since I've disengaged, she is now "liking" some posts. Too late.

Should I post a happy birthday to him? I'm a very compassionate person, so this part of disengaging is difficult. I want to disengage totally.I've seen this SD's kid--maybe three times in his life and he's a teenager.

Bethany's picture

We did send a card and gift. My question is: should I respond on FB? Two wrongs don't make a right. She ignored my son's birthday (every year for 20 years). Or, am I being petty?

twoviewpoints's picture

Why are you fb friends with her was my first thought.

DH and you have already acknowledged the SGS's birthday directly to the teen (gift/card). That's really who the acknowledgement should be towards. As BM is posting on her fb you need not respond. If the teen SGS has his own fb you could send him a direct message in private messages to wish him a great day or on his actual page if you're 'friends'. You have already acknowledged, so even that is optional.

still learning's picture

Keep the relationship IRL (In Real LIfe) with the kid, virtual clicks and comments mean next to nothing.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Agree with Echo.say and do nothing. I went through this with stepgrand kids too and it was hard. But if I am disengaged from her this unfortunately includes her offspring.

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

My heart would want to remember him, but why open what will be a can of worms. Leave it alone.

Let your husband remember them, if he does. They are his not years.

Now, if they treated you well, like my DH's other two adult children do, then I would remember them. Otherwise a resounding NO.