DH finally got the final paperwork for custody of the kids. SS13 will reside with us and SD15 resides with mom. DH is still legally her guardian with BM, but not custodial. It is left up to SD if she wants to see her dad. Well in 19 months, she has seen him twice for a quick meal. She initiated twice and cancelled twice.

Visitation for BM with SS is EOWE from 6 on friday to 6 on Sunday. He turns 14 in July and their visitation is at SS discretion. Cracks me up that it says neither parent can obstruct the other parent in visting the child. Sure that is not going to happen, because BM is such a nice lady and wants only the best for her children....

Both parents must be told the plans in advance. Doesn't say how. The kids at this age can tell the other parent as far as we are concerned. SS is counting down his visitation. I think he say it is 13 more times. She does get two weeks vacation in the summer. The lawyers have delayed this for almost 6 months since they agreed to not go before the judge. Another 2K in lawyer fees because of that.

No CS. Even though DH is entitled when SD15 turns 18. He forgo it all to get her to give up SS. Only thing we have to provide is health insurance for SD15. Stupid BM....It doesn't cost us anymore for her on DH's plan. They each pay all the bills for the child that lives with them. SD15 is insured until 18 years of age or graduation from HS whichever comes last, but to definitely stop at age 20 if she hasn't graduated from HS. DH just added that. He also added that if his job changes or his insurance costs are raised over 50% of where they are now, SD15 is no longer covered by him.

For a BM that wants to exclude DH from everything and doesn't tell him a thing. He now can see when she sees the doctor. SD was recently hospitalized for suicidal thoughts for three days. BM never told DH anything. He only found out that she was there, by the bill that came to the house. She is so incredibly stupid. Her insurance is good, but his is better so she wants her on his. But, if you completely want control over a child to the exclusion of her father, why would you give him that kind of insight. He can legally get all the records. So stupid. I also, don't like it because it is constant reminder that comes in the mail of what went on and that she is not in our lives. I want it cut and dry. He said it doesn't matter but he understood how I felt. Great!!

I think with the final changes we should have a done deal by next week on lawyer time...

With SD and her recent problems, even with this, I still feel she will keep being a pain in my ass...She will never live here. She will never even come into this house without some serious mea culpa and willing to change and that means everything including her appearance. If not, she will never be in our lives. DH can do his occasional dinner, but that is it. He knows this and I have been clear. She destroyed this household and she has created a mess in my marriage. With everything that went down and the ramification still affecting us, I will never look at him the same way and he will never look at me the same way. Everything I say or do is tainted. There is no benefit of the doubt. I don't trust him and he thinks I hate her and that I ran her off. Easier to believe that then believe that his lack of parenting for the years before I came along contributed to her wanting to leave. I had rules, I will never apologize for that. My rules and expectations have made SS13 want to be here. He is thriving. His grades are all A's and B's. They were C's and D's when we were at 50/50. BS16 is number 20 in a class of 400. They are not a problem. BS is spoiled and typical teen, but a good kid. SS never really complains about anything. He never used to eat anything, now he requests things for me to make. He is happier and his comment about BM are happening less frequently since we stopped encouraging the discussion. He is happy. Makes all of this worth it.

But, I will never feel secure in this blended life, until SD is over 18 and out of hair for good. I have a feeling she will keep coming back like a bad penny. DH will be so happy to have some contact that he will let her back in. The occasional dinner will be how it starts and then she will expect to be included in vacations. It will never be over...As I read others on here with adult SD's, it is apparent that they are always in our lives.