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"Bonus Daughter" What kind of crap is this?

Jsmom's picture

Seriously don't post much anymore, because my life is actually pretty good regarding this stuff. Although BM has pulled some interesting crap recently. But, not my issue, left it to DH to handle. But, a new poster who I think is just a BM that is bored, called her kids "Bonus" kids.

Sorry, but that is irritating as hell. These kids are our steps on here. In real life, I make sure people know my SD is my step since I do not want anyone to think I raised that. As for my SS17, he is my son. I have been raising him full time for years now and he is my son. Will he ever be equal to BS20, no. But, I do not reflect that with him. I am "mom, although he doesn't call me that. I think it is disrespectful to his real mom, who definitely doesn't deserve the title.

Bonus, makes them all sound like a bonus that we got for working hard. Yeah, not so much. No bonus, they came along for the ride and they are our step kids. No more, no less.

BONUS just makes me want to slap somebody. My SD19 is a train wreck who damn near has destroyed my marriage and has certainly destroyed any chance I have of having any relationship with my IL's. Long ugly story. She was not a "bonus", she is a curse. I don't care how it sounds, but 6 years of torture, I have a little PTSD when it comes to her. BONUS...definitely not.

If you do have a good relationship with your step kids, I would hope you refer to them in public as your kids. Anything less, is cruel.

Sorry, but that just irritated the hell out of me. I wish it was different, but it is not and I will spend the rest of my life waiting for that other shoe to drop with that girl. Seriously, BONUS?


kathc's picture

Maybe she's the new poster? Biggrin

Yeah, she's everything a psycho SM should be. Maybe the chick is a big fan of hers or something???

Maxwell09's picture

Can we flag her Wink

I agree it's a BM; the phrase bonus kids or bonus mom is revolting. There's hardly any good from StepLife and the kids are rarely it or even the cause of it. I did get a good laugh today, in the midst of this nut job poster I drove carpool; while unloading a school administrator reminded me not to forget to go to "muffins for moms" next Friday. I of course shut that sh*t down and told her "oh I won't make it, but his mom should be able to". I laughed because that psycho-poster would have loved that and here I am embarrassed that they asked me.

Maxwell09's picture

Yes. I take SS4 to preschool most days and sometimes his friend too. Her mom has to into work early so she drops the girl off and I take them both and pick them both up. It's actually easier with the two of them. I don't mind mainly because the school is a private religious school that I want BioBaby to go to when he's in preschool so I want them to be familiar with us. DH takes him a few times a month too when he's off work.

Maxwell09's picture

The school is also less than two minutes away and carpool takes about 15min to get through so no big deal.

Tuff Noogies's picture

:? they DONT have rainbow skittle farts? well $#it. i've always thought OUR kids did!

lintini's picture

I'm in a birth group on there and boy did I piss some women off when I voiced my curse of a SS. They seriously lost their minds, said all the typical bullshit like:

1. You need to love your skid
2. He's a package deal
3. You knew what you were getting into
4. Your SS needs to feel at home
5. I feel sorry for your SS
6. Poor child of divorce, booohooo


Learned my lesson to never talk about step life on a board full of pregnant bi*chs.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

It never ceases to amaze me how hard SM's are judged.

On another board I was commenting on SD5's behavior problems and developmental delays and all that. What really amazed me was when I described the hour long tantrums and said I wouldn't take her out to eat in a restaurant because of how atrocious her table manners were (combing her hair with her fork, screwing around so much it would take her 40 minutes of constant reminding to eat, playing with her food, trying to get up and run around the table, etc) and people came unglued. I couldn't believe how many people wanted "to tell that bitch off" and wondered what the REAL parents would think if they knew what I really thought about their little girl and on and on. Only one person, also a SM, kind of said what we all say here, basically that sometimes kids act like assholes, even stepkids sometimes act like assholes. If I had said DD acted like that no one would bat an eye but say SD acts like that and suddenly I'm a raging bitch who resents SD.

I got in one conversation about a 22 year old BD whose BM had been dating a guy BD didn't like for 4 years. BD was getting ready to graduate college and her mom had been promising her a vacation to a place they had had several girl trips in the past when she graduated ever since she started school. BM made the commented that she wanted to take the BF of 4 years with them and BD pitched a fit and said if BF goes she wouldn't and everyone was buying into her telling her it was really crappy of her mom to spring that on her at the last minute (10 some odd months before the trip) and how she deserved that special time with BM as a reward for all her hard work and even going so far as to say BM should get rid of the BF completely because BD should come first.

I nearly lost my lunch reading that thread.

Gimlet's picture

I can tell you with 100% certainty that if something happened to FDH, I would never see either skid again.

Momfedup's picture

Yes. We do the things their BM AND BF cannot do for them. We are used whenever the timing is right for them.

Glassslipper's picture

If you were my kids stepmom, (I am a SM and BM) I would file for 3rd party interference with how BSC you are.
My exH once dated a woman that reminds me of you, they went on 1 date alone and for the 2nd date he brought my daughter and took her riding on her horse.
Immediately following date 2, she HUNTED me down on facebook, friend requested me and sent me a long rambling text about how much she loved exH and DD, wanted to meet me and be friends. Um, BOUNDARIES go both ways! Anyhow, it didn't work out for her.
I get along with my kids SM BECAUSE we BOTH respect boundaries and StepTroll18, you have boundary issues as a possible SM, I know you have only known the kids for 5 months...

CupAjoe's picture

I was a member of a The Mommies Network site when my kids were younger and they also said 'bonus" because, ya know unicorns farting glitter rainbows and shit...
SO's kids and his mother are great, but I simply call them by their names or refer to them as "SO's kids". His mother calls me her daughter in law and people (even him) have thrown in a "step/soon to be step xyz" and although it doesn't upset me, there is no ring on this finger and thus I have no in-laws or have(am) a step anything.

notasm3's picture

My niece and her friends called their stepdad's Fake Dads. But it was done in a fun way. My niece adored her SF and still does.

WalkOnBy's picture

To me, the word "bonus" implies money, as in I GET some money.

Yeah, that's not at ALL how skids work. LOL!!

TwoOfUs's picture


Well, in that case, I am a BONUS mom to my skids. But they aren't Bonus kids. They are time and money sinkholes.

SilverPetra's picture

Definitely not a bonus. Sometimes tolerable. Most of the time rather a hindrance. Bonus....pfft.

DaizyDuke's picture

I'm all for step parents who can get along swimmingly with their skids. Who WOULDN"T want that? I honestly would love to get along with EVERYONE.. skids, BMs, MIL.. the whole damn lot of them! I don't like drama, I like peace and quiet and harmony. But this is the real world, people act like a-holes, feelings get hurt, relationships get damaged.. it is what it is.

If you are one of the lucky ones that has peace, love and harmony, then goody for you. Unfortunately since this is a step parent vent site, the majority of us are NOT feeling the love and are not pretending that skids belong to us as if they are some kind of freaking booby prize....

WTF...REALLY's picture

When I first got with hubby, I bought the book The Idiots Guide to Step Parenting.

It has a chapter on the Bonus Family. I was taken aback by that term. So, I tried to "feel" like SD was a bonus daughter and I a bonus mother.....yeah.....that lasted about 5 minutes. Gag me.

Now looking back, I have to laugh. I was soooooo naive.

z3girl's picture

I have an old high school friend who just got remarried last month. She does refer to her skids as "bonus kids". She has 3 of her own (fairly young, ranging in age from maybe 7-12) and her now husband has 3 children, ranging in age from 14-20. My friend and her now husband dated for at least 3 years, and they all appear to get along really well. The skids even visited my friend's parents here in another state, and my friend's grandmother.

Some people are very lucky, and I don't hold that against them. She can call them whatever she wants. She never posts a word about her ex, and has never mentioned her husband's ex. They seem to have what we all wish for, and that's great for them. I guess it is possible BM is no longer alive in this situation.

My SD24 is not my bonus kid, and never will be. There's nothing wrong with that either. I'm happy that I finally have some nice feelings toward her, and think the most I will ever feel is like some sort of aunt to her.

It's nice to see when other blended families are close and have little to no drama.

Mrs.Smith1969's picture

I'm planning on referring to myself as SD01's bonus mom just to piss off her BM bwahahahahahahaha

Jsmom's picture

Wow - ladies....I sneak out to play a round of golf and this post went crazy. are delusional. Going on the theory that this is not a troll. You need to back the hell off. These are not your kids. They are your BF's and BM's. If I was her, I would be moving for less custody for your BF. He will never forgive you.

You are not the mom and the sooner you figure it out the better off everyone will be.

AmIWicked's picture

My skids named my mom and my stepdad "bonus grandma and bonus grandpa"
They did it on their own without any influence from anyone. BUT in person they still call them by theirfirst names (like I do with my stepdad)
The only time bonus is used is in card for birthdays...which from my mom and stepdad does contain cash....
Maybe why they named them that? Lol

Mrs.Smith1969's picture

I looked up the definition of stepchild, "a child of one's husband or wife by a previous marriage." My soon to be skid was conceived months after my guy broke off an engagement with her BM and, sickeingly, when cheating on me not long after we'd gotten back together. Since she doesn't fit the definition as being from a prior relationship or a marriage, then what will she be, just my husband's bastard child? What term did Maria Shriver use after she found out that Arnold was the father of that maid's child? For convenience sake, I'll probably use the term, step kid, but it bothers me because it gives the whore BM more credit than she's due. Whatever I end up calling her, it won't be Bonus Child.