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Empty nest feelings are starting again as SS has one year left...and SD surfaces again.

Jsmom's picture

I have the great benefit of working from home. One of the reasons, I think SS wanted to live with us is someone was home all the time. BM has a job working a lot and he was home alone all the time because SD19 was always out. Today after school just like every day, I am home working and he comes in my office to talk. It is the one time of day, that he is talkative. I enjoy it and I think DH resents it sometimes. We talk about school, and friends. This is the kid who has had so many issues with social skills that BM when he was 10-13 had him in a social skills support group. We stopped it after a while, because it was stupid. He was just playing board games with kids we were paying for him to have friends. Fast forward and he has about 8 good friends and he is off every Friday and Saturday with friends hanging out or going to this place to play some card game. He enjoys it and he is apparently good at it. The BM thought he had problems always trying new meds. DH kept telling her to stop trying to throw money at the problem and just be his mom. Fast forward and the kid was tired of trying to be fixed. So he pushed to live with us.

I am mom, but he is not allowed to call me that and it just drives me nuts. BM surfaces every 6 weeks and she takes him to dinner and buys him presents. Over the weekend his computer that BM bought him to the tune of $1300 stopped working. I handled it for a small amount got it repaired. Told him that we got another year out of it and we will have to probably get him a new one for college in a year. He said he thought BM might get it, because he didn't think DH would spend the money he would want. I agreed with him, but said let me work on him. He will get what he needs and DH is prepared to get it. Although DH would love if BM would pay for it. I doubt she will since she pays for SD19 for college and DH pays for SS16. I told him don't count on your mom, she may expect DH to, since he has given nothing to SD for college or anything. He said I know, but I do see her and SD doesn't see Dad so she will probably do it.

Absolutely pathetic because BM will probably do it and that makes her look good. She doesn't do anything for him but buy him a steak dinner at Outback every 6 weeks. He likes red meat, so he goes. But, I am mom. His laundry is all done and his room is picked up and if he needs something I will do it. There is not much real parenting done anymore by DH or I with this kid. He is a good kid and his grades are good. He has picked a college and now it is just finishing it up. I am mom, but I am not considered mom by anyone including DH and SS.

As I sat there today talking to him, I keep thinking this is it one year and I am done for the most part. I can only influence him a little bit here and there. He is pretty much who he is. He is an anarchist and does things his own way. We were talking about his nickname since as Seniors they have to put it on their t-shirt. He could care less. Told him, I cared and I would make sure he has a shirt like everyone else. He nodded and said, fine, but I probably won't wear it. I said you will, when everyone else wears theirs. He is such a different kid.

As I stopped typing this, DH came home and told him about my conversation with SS16, he said well as a matter of fact, I have heard from SD19. She texted last month and now again last week wanting me to take her out to lunch when she is home for school. He has not seen her since last fall and has only heard from her to ask her to stop putting drunken tweets online and then again when she asked for the insurance card. He said no and not until she stopped her behavior. Crickets after that...She got her insurance card, since we see the statements. No clue how, but she could have just called or BM did. Not our problem. I looked at him and said were you going to tell me, he said yeah, before I met her for lunch. Figured I would wait it out and see if it actually happened. I am fine with that answer only because last month was so hectic with a bathroom re-model and he said he didn't want to bring it up when we were arguing so bad over that. Remodel came out great, but the arguments were over every little thing and the 28K he spent on it.

Told him no problem, just I hoped he was not initiating the texts. He said no. I said she probably surfaced because she wants something or because you ignored her for so long and didn't contact her. He said he was sure that was it. I said good, if you learn nothing else, ignoring her drives her nuts.

So let the crazy begin next week when she is back from college and BS20 is home as well for two weeks. Just what I need is that brat back in our lives. At least DH has the good sense to not drag the rest of us into this again. Not happening. I just want to enjoy this last year with SS and the last couple weeks before BS goes off to study in Europe.


Maxwell09's picture

Your situation seems to be peaceful for the most part and would love for my own situation to settle the way yours has. Granted your SS is a little odd, but I would settle for odd than half the skid on here who are evil, gross or just plain psychopaths. Not to mention I would love to only have to deal with BM every 6 months just to let SS go off with her for a couple hours.

Jsmom's picture

It is peaceful, but honestly only because he is an easy kid and I have disengaged from anything with my SD and for the most part so has DH. I do what I want for SS16. Only what I want.

We can't fix her and we can't work with BM and her lack of parenting, so the plan is to be here if she needs us for something major and focus on the kids that like us.

But, let me be clear and I will be again with DH before he sees her for lunch. She is not welcome in my home or around my sons. She has to apologize for NY and she has to have attempted to change from her drunk and disorderly behavior. Until those things happen, I will not be anywhere near her. DH knows that, but it will be reiterated before they meet again. I am sure she is up to something and given what she cost us on that vacation, I will not do a thing for her.