back to playing referee
Sometimes disengagement doesn't work. At the table today, before SO goes to work. As often is the case, SS17 has an issue with something his mother said to him, or the way she said it. This disagreement started over a comment about how we're not buying a new dining room table or other new furniture because kids destroy things (DD14, SS17 in this house). SO tells SS17 he owes her for the storm door that no longer shuts right (he has slammed it more times than I can count). He defaults to "You're rude, you're always so rude to me everyday...!" blah blah I'm used to this. He makes the point that he's not paying to fix the door (no shit) and things start to escalate. He said "You need to quit saying stuff that sets me off". I did chime it, because I'm sitting right there, listening to the escalation over stupidity once again..
Me: "You being set off is your problem, not hers or anyone elses."
SS17: "I love how I'm always the target..."
Me: "You make it easy when you're the one who keeps running your mouth"
That more or less ended the excitement. He doesn't like confrontation with me, mostly his Mom. Now I'm pretty sure this guy has NPD, so I really do try to disengage and it seems to be working. But when he's trying to escalate with his Mom right in front of me like that, more often than not I'm going to say something. I'm not even that angry about it, just another example of how meds and therapy don't work for everyone. A person has to try to improve himself/herself and want to have better relationships with people to achieve a good outcome. Not gonna be one here.