A downside to having bios and steps at the same school
My SS9 and DD9 are in the same grade at the same school and have the same two teachers. Normally we’ve never had any issues bc I handle everything. I’ve never had any problems communicating with SS9’s previous teachers, signing his papers, writing notes, etc. This year though he has a young, first year teacher (not sure if that’s a factor or not) who is hesitant to have much interaction with me bc I am not listed in the system as a family member for SS9. It annoys the crap out of my husband to have to handle things I normally take care of bc honestly he’s just been spoiled by me doing all the school stuff. He tried to get me added on the portal the district uses as a family member and got the runaround from a couple of different employees so he got mad and gave up.
Anyway, fast forward to now and we haven’t needed much direct communication with this particular teacher until yesterday when I sent a note with SS9 saying he would be a walker home rather than bus rider. I’ve always done this in his previous school years with no issue but yesterday his teacher called me and said she needed to get more information from my husband about the transportation change. I told her you can try to call him but he might be unreachable due to his job. I was annoyed but still polite and friendly. She never did get ahold of him (he has no service most of the time when he’s at work) and according to my daughter at dismissal time the teacher didn’t know what to do and ran to ask the front office ladies (who I have a great relationship with) if she should let SS9 be a walker or not. SS9 ended up getting to walk with us.
Anyway, my husband finally listened to the teachers voicemail from earlier in the morning and got super annoyed and sent her a not-very-nice email (polite but with an icy tone) saying that he would have been very upset if his son would have not been allowed to walk home with his family and that he thought he made it clear that his wife has equal authority to him regarding school matters. He ended it saying please forward this to whoever can clear up any confusion bc he’s tired of dealing with it and the front office has been no help. Then he cc’d me and the principal in the email!
I was cringing reading the email. I didn’t want to be cc’d in a rude email like I had something to do with it nor would I have ever copied the principal on something so minor. The teacher is also my daughter’s teacher for half the day so I would prefer to keep all communication with her friendly and positive. Talking to my husband about it is like talking to a brick wall. He just hates the whole school system. I am going to have to force him to take time off and go to the school so we can do what’s necessary to add me to the right area in the system or else this might just be an ongoing problem for the fourth grade too.
- Jlbfinch's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
To be honest, I feel bad for
To be honest, I feel bad for the teacher. I understand that this hasnt been a past problem and some teachers may have been lax, but the teacher is probably just following policy. I did some training for my substitute teaching and they really hammered into us that you never let a kid leave with someone not on the parent/approved list. Your DH should really just take the time to sort it out.
I’m listed as the emergency
I’m listed as the emergency contact. I can come check him out of school in the middle of the day and the nurse calls me if he’s ill and needs to be picked up. The front office has always matched up with the teacher until this year. Instead of griping DH definitely needs to just get over it and get it resolved.
As a former teacher, I agree
As a former teacher, I agree with CompletelyPuzzled. The teacher would be liable if she released the child or even the child's information to you if you are not listed in the school paperwork. Frankly, the part about having such a hard time getting added to the school system doesn't really ring true with me. I've worked in several schools in several districts. All you guys need to do is show up and the school together, with your IDs, and you can be added. It shouldn't be this big of a deal.
I don’t disagree with you.
I don’t disagree with you. My husband has no idea how to navigate getting any changes made with the school. I would have gotten it resolved in minutes months ago if It were up to me to handle.
I'd be sending the teacher an
I'd be sending the teacher an e-mail apologizing for my husband taking out his frustrations on her in an e-mail. His response was uncalled for (as you know) and I would want to disassociate myself from it.
Grumpy tone or not
I wouldn't undermine my husband by apologizing for him behind his back. Also, since he stated that he's addressed this issue before, I can see why he would be terse.
I am wondering why this teacher is struggling so hard with family relationships/ authority so late in the school year? Especially when (i assume) you have the same last name as skid. My DH doesn't even have the same last name as DS but we have never had an issue with him being a decision maker in Boyo's life. I've had no problems adding him as a contact/alternate on the paperwork. What does the school say when your DH tries to add you?
Oh man, your husband was so
Oh man, your husband was so wrong. That teacher is doing her job. If something were t o happen to SS(the odds are slim to none, but you never know), the school system, community, media...would destroy her. All because dad is making the CHOICE not to take time off and go into the school and complete the needed paperwork.
That email your husband wrote would have resulted in the administration at my school doing EVERYTHING by the book when it came to him and his kid.
Husband should be grateful for the teachers that were willing to bend the rules. He should also be understanding of the newbie that won't.
I'm been teaching for years. I will slack on certain things, but never on pick up procedures.
Ugh. I get his frustration
Ugh. I get his frustration but I also understand where the teacher is coming from.
What really should be done, is retraining for these other more “lax” school staff. The problem comes when people make acceptions to rules for so long it really IS annoying when someone all of a sudden tries to enforce them-and paints the ruler follower out to be a PIA. In all actuality, this is a big rule that others bent, good for the teacher for covering her rear without hesitation. That makes the school a safer place.
What your DH needs to understand is once it’s done, it’s done. 1x a year. No big deal.
On a side note, pretty sure my SS’s teachers/doctors whoever don’t even know SO & BM’s names without looking them up. Like my SO and BM, he should have a leeetle more involvement here.
Here, being on the emergency
Here, being on the emergency pick up list does not give you permission to change pickup routine. They are two separate and distinct things.
Here he wouldn't need to show up at the school. He could write a letter giving you permission to all things that require parental permission, get the letter notarized, and mail it to the school (or you could bring it).
Teacher followed procedure. Procedures are there for a reason. Google 'Emily Brendel Barrington RI'. School followed procedure, but parents hadn't updated daycare forms, so daycare used old form and released her to tragic results.
Your Husband needs to
Your Husband needs to apologize to the teacher. Having you be the point person without proper approval isn’t just against School policy, it is asking the teacher to violate federal law. Student information is protected by FERPA. Think HIPPA but for schools. He needs to either get the paperwork handled or he needs to start being the point person for his child.
I don't disagree with your DH
I don't disagree with your DH's email, but it was definitely sent to the wrong person. Being given the runaround at the beginning of the year is unacceptable. Being allowed to bend the rules for the past however many years only to have it be brought up now is unacceptable. I don't think he was wrong for sending a curt email, but it should have been directed to the principal asking WTF is going on.
My personal opinion is that all schools should have the whole stepparenting thing figured out by now given that so many kids are part of a step family. There should never be an issue like this. Either a school has a procedure for adding a SP or they have a policy saying a SP can't be added. This just makes a parent's life harder, and then you end up with curt emails.