Disney Dad. a result of Guilt ~~ how this affects our home and lives ~~ venting~~
My DH divorced his ex wife 3 years ago when he found out she was having an affair. Their daughter was 2years old back then (now 5).
He fell in love with her the moment she was born. He was very involved in taking care of her as an infant -changing diapers,feeding etc- he was showing her off all time and she was his pride and joy.
During the divorce there was a lot of arguing in their house and the child was witnessing everything. He got 50% custody and has the child every other week.
He was feeling so guilty for "all the things she has been through" that decided to dedicate his life into making his little girl happy. And he told her.
He bought her toys all the time,disney movies and watched them with her, eat whatever she wanted to have,play all day with her after work. He was adoring her. And he told her.
He told her she was more beautiful than any other girl. She was smarter. She was more talented.(even than professional artists!) That she was the one - the No1 of all. And she believed it. Which child wouldnt? Cant blame her.
When I met her she asked me : JJO, will you do whatever I tell you ?
I broke her heart that day. I broke her heart when I told her that she is not dancing better than the ice skaters on TV.
In his effort to boost up her confidence, he created a self centered ,arrogant little girl.
By the time she turned 5 she felt she was the head of the house. She orders us to do things for her and with her. She demands toys, attention, she interrupts adults when they talk, she throws fits when she doesn't get what she wants. And he gives in.
He doesnt want to hurt her feelings."Because she has been through a lot ".
Her bossy behavior doesnt stop inside the house. She is like that to her grandparents too. Her cousins too. And when she feels she is not in control , she cries till she gets what she wants.
She yells at her father "I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THIS AGAIN..." "STOP IT" ... "NO DADDY , I SAID NO".
So, how is this lack of discipline, manners and respect for others is affecting our home?
How is this going to affect her in the long run?
First of all she is not fun to be around. Regardless of her age nobody wants a boss in the house.
Personally I have told her that I am not her servant, that I do not allow anyone to yell at me and that I demand to treat me the way I treat her. To my surprise , it worked. And she still loves me and kisses me and wants me to do things with her. My DH on the other hand doesnt see it. He says that I treat her "Like the gum that i have stepped on" because i want her to behave. Because I want her to act like a princess rather than think that she is one.
(A small parenthesis here: We went to her Pre-K graduation ( DH, Gparents and BM ) we were sitting all together and when she saw us she yelled : JJO I LOVE YOU!! and sent me a kiss! TO ME!
NOBODY ELSE! JUST ME )
So in his effort to "protect" her from me, he accepts all the shit she is giving him. Acting like its no big deal. So we start arguing , DH saying I am jealous of her , me saying he is blind not to see what kind of person he is bringing up.
And I disengaged. And he is hurt. That i don't love her.Although I do. And I care and I want to be proud of her.. But I also need to keep my sanity. I need it .I am still very young to lose it
How can a couple live with these feelings tho? For how long? I resent him for accusing me he resents me for judging him.
And what about SD?
She doesnt have any balance in her life. She thinks that she is all the things she is not. How much is she going to hurt when she realizes that there are smarter people than her, more beautiful and more capable? I am afraid she will quit trying (I've seen it already..)
With all the selfishness she has how is anyone going to love her? Who is going to put up with her? She will be alone in life?
Why is it so hard for my DH to give her things of a different level.Not the things that she wants but the things that she needs ,even tho she doesnt know it. Like values and morals generosity and politeness. The things that will actually help her in her life AD (after DAD).
16 and pregnant is not far I think..