Dealing with a crazy ex and never ending custody battle
My husband and I are dealing with a psychopath. As our custody battle continues, my husband has really gotten a backbone. He has no problem telling his ex-wife exactly what he thinks of her. I like to think that I was able to put those qualities in him after being with me for a few years he has been able to freely speak his mind. I am proud of him for how far he has come and how he is able to say what he wants and tell this abuser exactly what he thinks of her. But...because his ex cannot abuse him anymore, she has put the blame on me. I am the one behind him wanting custody. Everything was fine until I came along. I am the one who is doing all of this under his name, the list goes on. It is CRAZY!
Despite all of the evidence of mother's neglect and months and months of going to court for status updates, we have spent enough money to have a down payment on a very large house and buy a brand new fully loaded car. And the court is still favoring the mother. The magistrate refuses to look at any of the evidence we have and refuses to send it to trial. He wants the two of them to "work it out" amongst themselves. The child has been through interviews with court investigators and with child protective services. The mother was threatening to commit suicide and CPS was called, as well as the child found wandering in the middle of the night and by the school and doctor for being dirty and having chronic urinary tract infections from poor hygiene. This child is 11 and reads at a kindergarten level and had missed over 50 days of school! When the school told the mother to get the child to school and get the child tested for a learning disability she didn't make any appointment until we served her with custody papers and kept telling the principal it is hard for her to get up in the morning! Seriously?!?! She works 20 hours a week and sends her kids to full time school and daycare on vouchers!
The child admitted to us that they were told to lie for the mother or she would be put in jail and the child would never see her again. That was a very hard and tearful conversation. My husband and I just held my stepchild in our arms as they sobbed and sobbed over that one. Of course CPS told us they knew the child had been coached by the mother and that it would go in the report and it never did as well as all of the medical records. The court investigator reported the child said that we put them in their room when they come here and they are not allowed to do anything with us. Of course, evidence of pictures and notarized witness statements would disprove that, but the court refuses to look at it.
We had been harassed and threatened by the ex and her family. We have had to call the police several times but not enough grounds to get a restraining order until she actually does something. Instead the police have to call her and tell her to stop harassing us on a weekly basis. They are only allowed to communicate on a court ordered website which cost $130 a year and the court says they can look at all the messages but they never do. We have both been harassed and cursed at and the police have to be called due to the way she communicates on this court ordered website and it is all hours of the night every hour on the hour.
My husband and his ex-wife were finally ordered to come up with a settlement plan with both of their attorneys and they finally agreed on things and the attorneys drafted it up to present to the court. It covered all the basis of harassment, who picks her up and when, money, everything. Sounded good and everyone agreed. I thought with all of the craziness going on and now the child is completely alienated by the mother against my husband and I, we firmly thought this might be the way to go. Plus our attorney was convinced she would be held in contempt within six months of this going into place. Her attorney and my husband's attorney were both anxious to get this signed. At this point, her attorney was starting to get exacerbated by the ex-wife's erratic behavior. The order was written up, ready to be signed off by the magistrate, everyone signed except the ex-wife. 5 hours after verbally agreeing to everything the harassment and threats started and it continued all day and night into the next morning when yet another call had to be made to the police. Now we are days away from going back to the magistrate for a status update and she refuses to sign and follow through with anything. We got another medical bill and she is supposed to pay half. Haven't received any money from her and it will go into collections if we don't pay the whole thing. My husband and I are in the upper middle class, together we make a good living and can definitely provide. She works part time, her mother pays her rent for her and pays for her half of the child's expenses. So it is basically my husband, myself and his ex-mother in law who supports this child.
My husband asked me today if I would have known the extent of how bad it was and how much financial debt we would endure if I would have married him and I answered honestly no. It is not because I love him any less, it is because of all what we have been through. It has effected my self-esteem and my once drive to be supermom has fallen into just getting through the day. My job has suffered because of the constant worry of threats and money. Our relationship is like 2 roommates. We barely talk and sit at opposite ends of the couch. All of our friends are appalled by the outcome of this and how the court system has turned out to be in her favor. Our relationship with my stepchild is non-existent now. This child now is telling lie after lie about everything. Locks the door to their room and won't come out. Doesn't say a word and when they do it is an outrageous lie or bullying of other kids. They have been caught spying on us and listening in on conversations and reporting it back to the mother. Lying for the mother, etc. How do we know? The mother told us she told the child to do these things on the court ordered website that the magistrate has access to and doesn't look at.
I feel like when his child comes I'm a prisoner in my own home. I don't talk to the child anymore because they have turned into a spy and sneak around listening to conversations to tell the mother. I feel so bad because I love kids and I'm a huge volunteer at my DD's school and yet I can't stand this child! When my husband talks to her she whines or if he asks her about school she won't answer but just shrugs her shoulders or pull out a tear or 2.
We live on a busy road and when mother comes to get the child her other child who is 3 jumps out of the front seat and runs into the street or up to our door and last week tried to come into our house with nothing on but underwear! And she just sits in the car because she is afraid of us unless she is hiding behind her phone texting us. Ugggg!!! Thanks for listening