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Damn im counting down to 5!

Itwillgetbetter's picture

I dread so much the days that we have to pick up SD i feel like i have antennas because I make sure i watch and listen to everything and i feel so bad sometimes. I feel like im looking for a fight with BF and I hate it. We get her on Wed until Sun for the thankgiving holiday and OMG am I dreading it. And it could be the littlest thing but it bothers the crap out of me. Like when shes over for long periods of time he will ask her does she want breakfast before she goes to school everyday for the week that we had her He asked both of our kids. but once she left that was over. When SD was there he made sure in the mornign that he folded his daughters blanket and my sons once she left that stopped. Things like that are things that I see and bother me. I have told him I love my son Like you love your daughter. I dont see or do that Favortism crap. The last thing i want to do is make her feel uncomfortable. I had the worst step mother in the world she abused me and my brother she just did so much wrong and I could never see myself doing that. But i feel bad for having resentment towards her and i know that is BF's fault because of the way he is with SD. I just needed to let this out. thank you guys for reading Sad


bewitched's picture

"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere

Repeat after me "I am not married to this man, I don't have to take his favoring his D" and keep repeating it. Over and over again.

KeepsGettingBetter's picture

The littest things annoy me as well when the skids are over. I'm dreading the xmas holidays. Bf and I have 3 weeks off work at christmas time and we will be having the skids for 2 weeks, and am I looking forward to that? - Hell No. The laziness, the answering back, the arguments, double the work for me, such great things to look forward. My stomach is turning already.

Have you spoken to BF about how you feel and does he even realise he stops doing these things when SD isn't around?

Itwillgetbetter's picture

Yes I have spoken to BF about how I feel and how things change when SD leaves but he always has an excuse for everything. And sometimes I feel bad because i feel that maybe he doesnt realize what hes doing. I just hate the feeling.

Sita Tara's picture

Your feelings are completely normal. Because the situation of parenting EOW is unnatural for everyone involved. I think that though it's different whether it's your BK or his, it's still unnatural and everyone is always trying to figure out how to make it work.

I would talk to your DH. Maybe say, "You know, I think it was nice for the kids when we asked them all what they would like for breakfast, and maybe we should continue that as a sort of way to give a little sense of tradition in our non-traditional family. Obviously we can't let all of them EACH pick EVERY day. So what if we let our kids take turns picking, assigning them each one a day of the week that's THEIR day to choose, then we choose the other days?"

Then when SD comes, let her pick on your and DH's days as well, since she's not there as much as the other kids. I think that the other kids will understand that logic, and SD will still feel special, and DH will still feel he's doing something he wants to for SD. And most importantly, you get what you want! Which is a special treat for ALL your kids.

I did this with dinner a couple year s ago, and then let the child help prepare it. They really loved it. But I let it fall off as things heated up with SD and I didn't want to cook with her anymore. But I'm going to bring it back over the holidays/school break.

I think that sick feeling we all get when SKs return is because of our own difficulty transitioning- that is completely a reflection of the kids' difficulty transitioning. Of course in my case, it's every day, every week, each month, all year- because BM doesn't keep her more than 12 hours once a week. Sad

However, even though SD is a constant source of stress, I have noticed in the past several months that BM refuses to take SD more than one night a week, that I have stopped being AS irritated. I think that may be to all of us having less transition time.

No matter what the situation, it's tough on either side of this fence. Hang in there. And try to find ways to have your own mini breaks this weekend.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

lil_teapot's picture

to do that guilt parenting if he folds her blanket and puts on a good show that everything at home is superfabulous she'll be a happy, well adjusted child. The thing is, he's alienating everybody but her. I can see my H does this sometimes with his kids...whatever stupid little thing he does will irritate, when they're with us in the morning, he makes them breakfast and also packs me a lunch...but when they're not there, he doesn't...just talks to me and goes to bed (he works 3rd shift). And yeah at first that kinda irritated me, and when I think about it it irritates me now a little...but he's also gotten better so that he always packs me a lunch now or asks what I'd like to do about lunch. I didn't nag, he just got better because our relationship changed and has gotten better.
Maybe it might help to not focus on the stupid little things he does that make you angry, and focus more on the good things he does...the things he did that made you fall in love with him. If he's not doing enough like he used to, maybe it's time for a heart to heart so he can see that he's not giving you his best. I hate to sound like old fashioned, but sometimes guys are more eager to please when we go easier on them, you know? I don't mean to preach, I'm just saying that in my own life, we're getting along so much better now because I don't nitpick him or go after him like I used to...I just am more happy and upbeat (although I still will disengage if necessary), and he in turn feels like he wants to work harder to please. I know it's a little manipulative, but it's working for me.