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Is it a guy thing to be unable to hold a conversation with your own child?

ITB2012's picture

Over the years DH has mentioned how hard it is to have a conversation with his dad, like his dad is just waiting to get off the phone, and turns the phone over to DHs mom as soon as he can. DH's dad is sweet and funny but a very, very quiet and soft-spoken man.

Last night DS called to discuss a few things and I wanted to coordinate coming for parents weekend, and we talked for an hour.

Since it's sort of on the way, DH was going to arrange with OSS for us to stop to see him, too. After several unanswered texts, I suggested DH call. It was painful to listen to the phone call. I won't call it a conversation because it was so short and so stilted. It was the first time he's talked to OSS since he left for college but DH didn't ask any questions about college or volunteer any information about things here, and it sounded like OSS didn't say much either. DH looked unhappy when he got off the phone (we are visiting OSS, so it's not that the kid said he was busy), like it was unpleasant. DH is fine talking on the phone and it's not that he avoids phone calls.

DS talks to XH. I know a cousin of mine talks to his dad a lot. My stepbrother calls my dad and they talk for quite a while. Are they unusual? Is it a typical guy thing to be unable to hold a conversation with your own child, specifically a male child?

Is this a college-aged boy/man and father thing in general? (Please say no because lunch with OSS is gonna feel like a lifetime if you say yes.)


Siemprematahari's picture

This behavior was modeled to your H growing up so he's basically repeating what he has seen and knows. He can change this if he's even aware and/or acknowledges it. Having better communication with his son would change things so much and improve their relationship.

ndc's picture

Nope, it's an individual thing.  Lots of boys/men (young, college age, adult) have no problem carrying on phone or other conversations with each other. 

classyNJ's picture

Its an individual thing.  

My DH talks to SS21 at least once a day.  They discuss everything.

Talking to SS17 on the phone is the most painful experiance.  From everyone that has ever tried.  But he is great at texting LOL

Chmmy's picture

Dh struggles to talk to his teenagers. He rambles, repeats himself. Asks the same questions over & over in order to make conversation. They cant stand talking to him and he is desperate to connect with them and it shows. Some days I want to vomit.

SM12's picture

My BS calls and talks to his bio dad regularly and he talks to my DH regularly.  He is chatty so he calls often.   DH calls YSS and tries to chat with him about his day/ school etc and gets one word answers.   Oss and MSS have zero communication with DH.   DH has always tried but his kids are unsociable and awkward with everyone.  It’s odd because DH is a Social person.  BM is extremely socially awkward so they get it from her.

Sometimes I see DH get frustrated when he’s trying to get YSS to open up more and it gets him down.  


CompletelyPuzzled's picture

I think it is an individual thing.  I talk to my dad most days for at least 30 minutes.  Its a little easier for us now. My dad is retired and I am currently a SAHM.  But even when we both working, we talked most mornings.

NotThatTypical's picture

Carrying a converstation is a skill. History has it that men were not taught this skill. That doesn't mean they can't learn it but there's the catch. Who will teach them?