He. Is. Not. Your. Husband.
I have had a suspicious for a while now that BM treats OSS like a husband. Not in a creepy incestual way, but definitely an emotional one.
My suspicions were confirmed last week. As I was picking OSS up from a friend's house, he was talking about how his friends were thrilled he was staying with us because they could actually text him while with us.
I asked why they couldn't text him at BM's, which is a valid question since DH and I pay for the phone that BM has never had an issue with OSS having (and "appreciates" us paying for since she "can't").
No, it's not because OSS (you know, the straight A student in early college classes who is in the top-tier band and does mission work...wild child, that one) isn't allowed to. It's that he doesn't have time because he HAS to help BM with EVERYTHING after school since she is so tired.
Dinner? OSS. Laundry? Usually OSS and YSS. BM needs a tissue? OSS. Snakes need fed (these would be BM's new 6' and 10' pythons)? OSS because she can't physically lift them.
I figured that there was some exaggeration there, but then, literally 10 minutes before dropping the boys off at the church retreat, she calls OSS. Where were they? At the church, on time, with me. Did they get snacks? Yes. Were they packed? Yes. Did they print out the permission slip?
Oops. DH, OSS, and YSS all forgot. Insert tirade, that I CAN HEAR THROUGH THE PHONE, about how she is soooo tired and they needed that and how dare DH forget, and she's stressed because she doesn't have money TO FEED THE SNAKES (no worries about feeding the kids or anything), and so on and so forth.
Now, I'm putting the permission slip on OSS and YSS. And BM. This is BM's church. DH is already paying for the trip. DH doesn't go there, isn't on any list serves, etc. Not his bag. So, if the boys need something like a permission slip, they need to remember it. They are 16 and 12, live on computers, know how to work a printer, and have access to both DH and BM (and their youth pastor) who could have sent it.
But let's blame DH for a moment because he said he would. He said he would *before* his uncle died earlier this week. *Before* BM called him at 9pm Monday to tell him her XH wouldn't be taking the boys to the dentist (short backstory: DH avoids non-emergent medical care because BM likes to commit Medicaid fraud) so she needed DH to take off on Tuesday. *Before* we found out from the boys that BM ruined OSS's $50 tux shirt for band and we had to go buy him a new one (oh, and new pants for YSS because his are literally 4" too short). *Before* we found out when the funeral would be. *Before* OSS made plans with friends.
Basically, the week was a clusterfrack and the ONLY THING forgotten was a permission slip. But, ya know, that ends the world.
I watched OSS's face drop as she proceeded to lay into him and DH by proxy for not remembering one thing, yet she failed to mention many others. OSS finally told her it was a bad week, which just set her down the "well listen to the week I had having to work and still have no money" tirade.
So she shows up, late mind you, to see the boys off at church less than 5 minutes after she ends this call with OSS. OSS gets out of the warm car and doesn't immediately put his jacket on. She pounces on him for it while giving me a look. Listen witch, I'm not going to make a 16 year old wear a jacket in 50 degree weather to walk from a warm car to a warm building 100 feet away.
Then she digs in again about how rough her week has been and how she has no money and now she needs to figure out the whole permission slip thing (remember, we are at the church, which has printers, and the youth pastor who probably has extra copies). OSS asks where they are going. She has no idea.
BM. HAS. NO. IDEA. WHERE. THE. KIDS. ARE. GOING.
REPEAT THAT WITH ME. NO. IDEA. WHERE. KIDS. ARE. GOING.
DH knows because it was on the permission slip that didn't get printed, but MOTY BM has NOT ONE CLUE where her 16 and 12 year old are going for two days.
At this point, YSS is paying zero attention and OSS is over it with her. He's been yelled at, b***hed to, listened to her talk badly about his dad, and had guilt trip after guilt trip laid onto him about money and snakes. He turns to me, in front of her, has a quick and fun conversation with me, and then turns back to her in silence.
Insert peeved BM face. She tells them to tell me goodbye. They do. She walks off with them.
I sped down backroads to alleviate my anger with this woman. It wasn't so much what she said, but the tone she took with it. She's too scared anymore to lose her sh*t on DH, and God help her if she does on me (I've already told DH that the likelihood that I'll keep quiet gets smaller and smaller the older the boys get). She pushed XH away. She needs someone new to use as her emotional punching bag, so she's using her 16 year old son.
I have kept my patience with her for a long time now, but it is wearing very thin. If she wants to be a good mom, then she needs to act like it. As it stands now, she's turning out worse than her own mother, and GBM is a special breed of cuckoo crazy.