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DH mentioned OSS for the first time

ITB2012's picture

in about a month. He said he wanted to see if we all can go out to eat soon before DS and OSS are off to college. I said that would be nice. 

He made some other comment about OSS never coming around and being too busy every time DH asks. Or something like that. It was an Eeyore kind of comment and I have successfully disengaged to the point it barely registers.

Then DH said some other plans that did affect me so I was paying more attention and in them was that he decided not to go drop off OSS at college. Just BM is gonna do it. I was surprised but didn’t say anything. DH knows XH and I are both going and he said something like it’s not like DS where we both need to go to get all the stuff to college (DS is in an apartment and OSS is in a dorm). Aside: For the record Id be going even if all DS had to bring was a change of underwear. 

This morning I told DH I was thinking about the boys going off to college and I had a piece of advice if he wanted it. He said yes. I said that if he doesn’t go to drop off OSS his first year then he probably shouldn’t drop off YSS when it’s his first year. They will notice. (It is noticeable that BM and DH focus more on YSS.) To which DH replied he knows and he is going to go to drop off OSS and he was on the fence and hadn’t decided. Hm. Last night he stated directly that he would not be going. More than once. The man can change his story on a dime or pays zero attention to what he says. Perhaps last night he was just trying to get a reaction out of me. Who knows. The story may change again.  


Siemprematahari's picture

Good thing you have disengaged and I hope he doesn't live to regret what ever decision he makes and you have to hear about it later. You did bring up a good point and hope he takes that into consideration.

futurobrillante99's picture

I think some people like to announce their "decisions" to see how a person reacts. And sometimes they will do the opposite of what that person thinks is wise. He was probably still on the fence last night but you didn't react so he didn't know which way to lean until you said something today.

Naturally, he's going to ACT like he already decided but what he wanted was your input.

susanm's picture

I think you are right.  I really hate that passive-aggessive crap.  Is it really so hard to just say "I am thinking about this and would like to bounce ideas off of you?"  It is not a sign of weakness to not know what you want to do in a difficult situation and ask for input from your spouse.  But going back and forth with false decisions just makes someone look wishy-washy and after a while we stop taking them at their word.  Each "decision" announced just evokes an internal eye roll and it is impossible to actually make firm plans because history tells us that they are very likely to change their mind at least 3 times before the zero hour.

ITB2012's picture

If you are still considering something, say that. Or if you change your mind admit it. 

ITB2012's picture

that we should plan a time in October to do a road trip to visit both OSS and then DS. That he's sure they'd appreciate being taken out to dinner. Personally, I'm guessing they wouldn't and would rather they just see us during school breaks or maybe we come if something big is happening (like an award). I'm not going to worry about it. He gets big ideas but they don't happen.

Steppedonnomore's picture

Many colleges (at least in my area) host a parents' weekend a few weeks after classes begin.  Check the school website and maybe plan a trip then.