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YSS let Dh have it. Dh thinks of himself as a failure.

Stepmom2.0's picture

Dh asked mil for OSS and YSS's number since they both blocked them on everything a few years back. She gave them and he texted them both saying "Hey [OSS/YSS]  I miss you very much and I'm asking if you would consider meeting up with me in order to put the past behind us and work on becoming  family again."

 OSS didn't reply and  YSS went off! He told DH everything in regards with OSS and how we did him wrong. 

OSS was not allowed because he was a troubled teenager and was not responding to help and then later called CPS claiming we abuse him. At the time Bm's boyfriend moved in her home and he was abusive. OSS had to witness Bm get hit. He would get involved to keep the boyfriend away from Bm but Bm would only get mad at OSS. Remember, OSS also had to witness Bm and Dh fight.  Bm would hit Dh and OSS would literally come between them in order to save Dh. OSS hated Bm but at the end of the day what child wants to see his mother get hit in front of them? YSS called Dh a horrible human being because he failed OSS and sent to the very place he was trying to get away from. It's not okay for him to see this happen by the way!

After he graduated high school, he moved out from Bm's and moved into the college dorms. YSS did the same. When OSS was nineteen, he went depressed and tried to commit sucide. YSS was the one that found him, he called the in-laws and OSS was hospitalized because he was considered a threat to himself. He wanted to see DH. YSS called Dh a POS of a human being for not responding to anyone texts messages. Dh is not a cruel man. Had he recieved any information about this, he would have stopped whatever he was doing in order to go see OSS. YSS claimed that everyone did text him but he never responded. YSS wrote  when news got back to OSS that Dh never responded that was when Dh was considered dead to him.  OSS never put any pressure on YSS to not have any contact with Dh but YSS did not want anything to do with Dh for how he "abandoned" OSS. 

I swear, he never recieved any text messages of such. If he had he would have went to go see OSS ASAP.  Dh cried the whole day. When he showed me the messages,  my heart broke. If OSS had told us back then what he was experiencing at Bm's house, we would have brought him back immediately. But he never said anything. He refused to meet with DH. In his mind, I took Dh away from him. He finished by saying that Dh picked his new family over them and his was all his fault and stopped replying after that. I've never seen Dh look so broken before. 

Dh feels terrible and considers himself a failure. OSS loved Dh more than anyone and he looked up to him. OSS idolized him. Dh loved both of his sons equally but had softer side for OSS than YSS. This whole estrangement has been hard for all three of them. But in his sons mind, it's my fault. 

Dh did called up the in-laws right away and they confirmed everything YSS had stated. Dh started crying hysterically. He ask why no one contacted him when OSS was in the hospital and mil yelled that everyone did but he never responded. His own family doesn't believe him. How could they think so little of him?  She said that we treated OSS horribly and it is Dh's duty to repair things with his sons. 

I want Dh to fix things with his sons. He misses them very much- especially OSS. I don't know if they love Dh more than they hate me. Given the chance, if they could eliminate me, they would jump at the opportunity and I can guarantee OSS would love to be the one to pull the trigger.

As for Dh giving me the silent treatment, Dh did apologize for how he's been acting. I stated to him that I understand that he's hurting but that does not give him an exuse to use me as a punching bag for his anger. Wish I could say the same to his sons. 

 I know the worst is yet to come and I know my marriage will be in jeopardy. Stay tooned.... I have a feeling I will be posting again sooner rather than later 

Comments

--figureditout--'s picture

When my SD was hospitalized for a suicide attempt, we reached out through every avenue available.  Facebook, our HS alumni page, relatives, and even CL.  We posted that it was an emergency situation regarding her child. When a friend of a friend told the see you next Tuesday that her kid was in the hospital, we were accused of lying.  

I feel so bad for your DH (and you, too).  I hope that YSS will listen/read what your DH has to say.  And his family....heesh. I thought I had shitty inlaws.....

Stepmom2.0's picture

Dh loves is sons very much. And though they maybe hurt/angry the moment, I'm sure they miss him as well. 

My inlaws weren't always like this. This all started at Thaksgiving when we were invited to their home and OSS and YSS were there as well. We stll would have attended. Just affter not speaking to OSS for 6 years and YSS for 4 years... it was very unexpected. 

My only complaint is that why didn't they ever mention it to Dh before!!

tog redux's picture

So who is "everyone" that texted him? Can the in-laws show some proof of that?

This all screams in-laws and BM ganging up to punish DH for setting limits on OSS. They told the boys that "everyone" texted DH and he ignored it. Really? And this never came up in conversation again with his parents for YEARS? How he supposedly ignored his son's suicide attempt and hospitalization? I call Bullshit.

Your in-laws have carried on a secret relationship with DH's kids without ever telling him. They are not nice people who have his best interests at heart, they are controlling and probably narcissistic. Why would they perpetuate a lie like this? You try to reach your son by text when his son is in the psych unit after attempting suicide? You don't call and then go bang on his door to make sure he knows?
 

Your DH needs to wipe his tears and realize he's dealing with a pack of vipers. Tell his sons that he absolutely never got any notification of anything and he's sorry they felt abandoned. Then tell them he loves them and wants a relationship and let it go. He's laying down and letting everyone walk all over him.

Oh, and he needs to never speak to his parents again unless he gets a sincere apology.

beebeel's picture

I wonder how much of this suicide attempt was real and how much of it was manipulation as it is still being used that way to hurt your DH. My SD16 straight up admitted her threats of suicide were supposed to "wake up" my DH and he would leave me to "save her" from the miserable existence of having a stepmother. When he didn't leave me, she refused to come back to our house and hasn't for more than two years.

Your in laws are buying into this manipulation, hook line and sinker. Your DH needs to stop feeling sorry for himself and start figuring out the truth. If he didn't receive any communication about this alleged incident, what exactly is he guilty of doing? 

hereiam's picture

Your husband is being manipulated.

He ask why no one contacted him when OSS was in the hospital and mil yelled that everyone did but he never responded.

Texting someone is not the same as contacting someone. Text messaging is convenient but it is not a proper way to communicate things of such importance. I would really question someone's motives who said that they texted about something so serious. And then, when they didn't get a response, they just let it go, did not try to call? Did not wonder why they didn't get a response? That maybe the text didn't go through? I don't buy it.

tog redux's picture

That's what I said, too - you and I think alike.  Who texts their son to let him know his kid tried to kill himself? And then says, welp, I guess he doesn't care! when they don't get a response.  Go to his dang house and knock on the door. Hell, the police would probably drop by for such a situation (if he REALLY tried to kill himself).