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SS is gone

Invisible Woman's picture

DH left with SS this morning and their flight lifted off a few hours ago. It’s all for the best but it’s been a very rough week and BM has been nasty about all of this. I feel like I’ve been getting verbally beaten up by everyone.

I guess this is the message for all BMs out there - if you want to PAS your kid, even if its telling them things that may be true to turn your kid against their dad, then don’t try to dump them on the dad when you have problems. It was never going to work out with SS living with us after how much his BM bashed his dad and how his BM did nothing to make DH part of SS’s life.

But noone can see that and DH and me are taking a beating because everyone wants to see SS as being so innocent and precious. SS’s psychiatrist and therapist aren’t happy with us and don’t think what SS did was all that bad, which is absolute proof he’s never going to get help from them.

SS had 2 angry outburst in the past 2 months where other kids could have been seriously hurt. Why don’t medical professional think that he’s dangerous? Kids showing anger and being violent should be something they stop not encourage. He’s only 11, but he’s taller than me (about 5‘2). He’s over 100 lbs. As long as he was being passive aggressive and doing nothing it was fine, but he’s going to be a huge kid and I couldn’t control him. But when it comes to protecting my kids from a sleeping giant, I’m going to do whatever it takes. I didn’t trust him being in my home.

The truth is SS wasn’t going to get better living with us. DH hasn’t had time to take him to his therapy appointments and missed a lot of them. I know that’s wrong but it’s the reality. DH couldn’t get appointment scheduled after work and didn’t want to tell his boss why he had to take time off. If SS had an injury or something physically wrong, it would be different. But DH isn’t going to tell his boss his son is severely mentally ill and may need to be placed in a mental institution. DH doesn’t want his boss or co-workers to know that. It’s too embarrassing for him.

DH didn’t have time to be a single parent to SS and the only way it was going to work was if I did it but SS completely and totally rejected me. And why was that suppose to be my responsibility to take care of DH’s kid? I’m sure BM is on a message board in her country bashing DH and me and she’s completely pissed off on DH dumping SS on her, but it’s her fault SS is so messed up.

As I’ve posted before, I wasn’t cutout to be a stepmom, especially to a kid like SS. I like kids and I don’t want to be like this but I can’t stand being around him and it was never going to work. There’s no visitation arrangement and DH isn’t going to pay for him to fly over her to visit, so this is the end of me being a stepmom. I just wasn’t cut out for it.


Invisible Woman's picture

Thanks everyone. I know it was the right thing to do but it doesn’t make it any easier.

I heard from DH and he said SS was fine on the flight to NY. They couldn’t get seats together and SS spent most of the flight sleeping. Once they got to NY, he handed him over to the airline representative who spoke BM’s native language and SS finally started talking.

SS didn’t say goodbye to DH or single word to him the whole trip.

DH thought he would be fine on the flight to BM’s country. I’ve been checking the flight on and SS is about half way there now.