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No clue how to deal with SS

Invisible Woman's picture

SS(11)’s behavior keeps getting worse and I’m scared what he’ll end up doing next.

His latest antic: sneaking off when my sister is babysitting him and wandering around the neighborhood by himself for no reason. He did it once before a few weeks go, but this week he did it twice and on Thursday he was gone for well over an hour and my sister complete freaked out and nearly called the police. A neighbor found him wandering around three streets away. When asked why he did it or where he was going, he shrugs.

We don’t know to stop him from doing this and we can’t expect my sister to watch him every second while he’s there. (After school, he’s been staying with my sister who’s a SAHM two days a week when I’m at work. I stopped working when my daughter was born 3 years ago and I started back at my old job part-time earlier this year.)

My sister has to deal with my 9 month old, my 3 year old, her 19 month old and 11 year old. Who’s the problem? The 11 year old!!

When he came to live with DH and I full time, I didn’t want to have to quit my job to babysit him after school. I want to get back to my career and I have a great opportunity that I don’t want to miss out on. My sister agreed to watch him and we thought it wouldn’t be any big deal and he could help out. Now there’s no way we’re going to burden her with dealing with his crazy behavior. I know he’ll keep doing this or something worse. We’re going to have find an after school program and spend even more money on during the summer on child care.

We have absolutely no control over anything he does. Punishments don’t phase him. He’s oblivious to everything. He ignores me and now everyone else. He sulks in his room when he’s home and since he doesn’t have a hiding place at my sister’s house, I think he’s going off to wander in the neighborhood.


Invisible Woman's picture

He doesn't talk to anyone, and I'm not sure he'd even listen to a police officer and I'd be afraid of what he might do.

He is in counseling and on an anti-depressants. He's been refered to a child psychiatrist, but there's a long wait for an appointment. We had taken to him to a family counselor because we knew he would need help with the transition. But he refused to say anything and she referred us to another therapist because it's over her head and now we're going to the psychiatrist. He didn't act like this before and DH doesn't want this to impact the future custody case.

His BM has been alienating him for so long that we knew he would need help overcoming it but he's just gotten worse and worse.

He came to live with us full time in February. He had refused to come visit for Christmas, so we hadn't seen him since last summer. His BM had to leave the country to try to get her visa renewed and there's a good chance she's not going to be able to return, so this is likely a permenant change.

We know he's angry about it, but that's the way things are and he is making it so difficult for everyone.

RainbowsAndDaisies's picture

I did that when i was 12-13. i did exactly that. hide in my room and wander around the neighborhood at night without anyone knowing. i was being horribly bullied at school. It was more like hazing really. and none of the adults in my life did anything about it - not the teachers who saw it or my parents who i told about it. i was having some really serious emotional problems. I dont think he is a deviant. but there may be something going on that you dont know about. it sounds to me like he is shutting down. which is what i did when the kids in my class basically blatantly tortured me everyday and no one would do anything about it.

Invisible Woman's picture

Would an 11 year old really do that? I'm afraid that this is all going to lead to that but I didn't think it would be now. He doesn't have friends and I don't know where he'd get it. I wouldn't be surprised if his BM smoked pot so he could have picked up that from her. Would we smell it on him? Or maybe I should suggest to DH that he get some mail order drug test.

Invisible Woman's picture

I would never trust him home alone, especially now how he's acting. I don't know what he'd do. He's racked up hundreds of dollars in long distance bills calling his BM and grandparents in Europe when left alone.