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Update SD and CYFD

I love dogs's picture

Submitted by I love dogs on Tue, 12/04/2018 - 12:51pm

I asked DH briefly about the incident this morning and he said he is meeting with the investigator on Friday morning and left it at that. He said he is allowed to discipline his kid and has nothing to hide. Is it this simple? He didn't mention the guy having to come to our house. I left it because DH wasn't thrilled and I knew an arguement would ensue if I continued to pry.

Edit: DH and I talked at lunch and he said he's going to ask BM (and SD but I don't think that's a good idea) to sit down and talk about the custody situation. I think he was talking from emotions and not logic but that he was going to tell BM they can do 50/50 without CS and BM calling all the shots or he'll sign his rights away like she's always wanted him to.

Again, this was coming from emotions rather than logic but if he does propose giving up custody, of course BM would jump on that over coparenting any day. She even proposed it in court herself in 2013. I didn't have much to say after that but he said that with our baby on the way, he can't have this drama in our family.

Comments

amyburemt's picture

Submitted by amyburemt on Tue, 12/04/2018 - 1:32pm

the signing of rights away. Is he really ready to give up his kids? to have them grow up knowing he gave up his rights? I really think he needs to look at getting a GOOD lawyer who is straight with him about all of his options. I personally know I would be heartbroken if my only option seemed to be giving up rights to my kids. that is a devestating loss to people. 

I love dogs's picture

Submitted by I love dogs on Tue, 12/04/2018 - 1:37pm

I wasn't expecting him to say that. All I told him was that my guard would be way up after this and I am only concerned about our baby at this point. 

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Submitted by Dontfeedthetrolls on Tue, 12/04/2018 - 1:46pm

I honestly don’t know if you’ve answered this but if he gives up his rights is there a stepparent in the picture wanting to pick them up? Most states won’t allow you to without someone else taking them because they want someone on the hook finically. BM is getting child support right now. The court will want to know where that’s going to come from if they let him go.

I love dogs's picture

Submitted by I love dogs on Tue, 12/04/2018 - 1:48pm

BM lives with her "fiance" but we know she'll never get married. She can't receive government benefits that way. 

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Submitted by Dontfeedthetrolls on Tue, 12/04/2018 - 2:00pm

He needs to be careful then. There's a good chance the court will deny his request to terminate his rights and responsiblities. At the same time BM can then twist it around in court to restrict his contact and then up his child support because "he doesn't want her and she knows it." I'm not saying its right. I understand where he's coming from.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Tue, 12/04/2018 - 1:48pm

I don't know of any place that you CAN just give up parental rights.

Get an attorney and get the 50/50 on paper. There is a good chance he will get it, since BM's been agreeing to it informally for so long - she's going to suddenly disagree in court?  Worth a try.  Or go Pro Se if he can't afford an attorney.

I love dogs's picture

Submitted by I love dogs on Tue, 12/04/2018 - 1:50pm

He was figuratively raped when he went pro se before. I wouldn't put it past BM to use this CPS case against DH if he tries to get 50/50 on paper. Honestly, I don't even want it anymore. I don't want SD in my home anymore and am very hurt. Yes, DH overreacted but he was parenting his child and scared the crap out of her, I'm sure.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Tue, 12/04/2018 - 2:13pm

But can he legally even give up his rights? In most states, there has to be another person willing to adopt her.  He can stop seeing her, but he will have to pay CS.

I think, unfortunately, he has to get an attorney.  If this report is unfounded (it will be), then BM can't use it and he should try for 50/50. If not, then get an EOWE schedule and just see her then.

I hear he'd like to get out of paying CS, but that's probably not going to happen unless he allows BM control over everything. So he has to pick his poison.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 12/04/2018 - 2:15pm

He can give up custody, physical and legal, but he will still be on the hook for child support.

New_to_this's picture

Submitted by New_to_this on Tue, 12/04/2018 - 9:27pm

I also wished that DH would give up on SS after our CPS visits. I was way more concerned about CPS and the effect on me than DH ever was and he was the one who had claims made against him. DH has instead stopped truly reprimanding SS and lets him get away with murder. His discipline of SS is way different than how he disciplines the other kids. SS knows he won't get in trouble if he cries or feigns threats of suicide.

You may be better off with DH giving up his custodial and legal authority over SD, otherwise you could find yourself with a wild child with no ability to control. In addition, you'll always wonder if CPS will visit you again.

Additionally, in my case, no one ever talked to SS about the ramifications of his words and actions. DH always wants SS to be able to share his feelings, whatever they are, to any authority. I'm not even sure if SS knows about CPS and what his actions caused and could cause. He has no awareness whatsoever.

I'm glad for you that your husband is putting you and your baby first. I wish mine would do the same.

Livingoutloud's picture

Submitted by Livingoutloud on Wed, 12/05/2018 - 6:57am

I wouldn’t stay married to a man who is planning to willingly give up his parental rights.

Instead of giving up his rights he needs to stop abusing substances, seek help with anger issues, take parenting classes, start spending quality time with his child (that doesn’t involve partying and drinking), and stop leaving her home alone on a regular basis (she is not 12, going by your old account SD is the most 10).

Your DH isn’t a good parent. Now he plans on giving up entirely. I’d be done with him if it was me. No way I’d had more kids with him 

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Wed, 12/05/2018 - 2:38pm

I really feel bad for SD here.  She was venting to HER therapist about what her dad did so now Dad wants to sign away rights!!??  WTF. 

First off…You said that you are sure that your DH scared the crap out of her by his behavior and that you had to talk to him about how he was wrong.  I feel this “incident” was way more dramatic than you are leading on.    

Second off…you realize that if you have a girl, she WILL act the same way as SD.  Tween/teen girls are horrible beast no matter how you raise them.  So when your DD becomes an asshole teen, is your DH going to bail on your kid too? 

This whole situation has progressed so oddly that it is hard to keep up with.  Just months ago you were begging your DH to take custody of SD because she was the bees knees and your DH was just the best father ever.  Then within WEEKS of SD actually going 50/50 your whole tune changed and you have wanted her gone from almost the time she walked in your door for 50/50 and DH turned into a terrible father overnight.  And now…just weeks ago, your DH was coddling and defending SD to now he wants to give away his rights because she had a teen girl fit?  Who does that?

I really do hope BM takes back 100% custody.  Your DH sounds crazy with anger and substance issues and you can’t stand the thought of SD so she really needs to be with other people.  Her BM may not be the best but it sounds WAY more sane at her house than yours.