Pets for other parent's house
Sorry to blog hog today but I had a funny memory reading the post about a dog going between homes for 50/50 visitation. My story isn't the same situation but made me think.
About 5 years ago DH and I bought SD a goldfish for BM's house because she wanted one after we went to the pet store. Bad idea buying a pet for the other parent's home but I can learn from my mistakes. The fish died a week or two later because it was never fed and the water was never changed.
Fast forward to about a month ago. Our friend has a hedgehog who is pretty cute. What does DH say? "We should buy one for SD". I laugh and laugh.. And laugh. Well on the inside. I say "don't you remember the goldfish we bought her? That's the worst thing I've heard all day." He says "oh yeah". SD is 12 and has to be reminded to shower and do basic things like clear her plate from the table. BM has a cat. When BM got pregnant and she and DH moved in together DH had a dog. She made him give the dog up because she technically owned the home (even though DH paid the bills)- off track, sorry. Point being: BM and SD already have a cat and probably don't want a rodent.
You can't just buy your kid a living animal for the other parent's house and I damn sure am not taking care of a hedgehog. Anyway, silly DH. I absolutely will not take on an animal that I know I cannot provide a good life for.
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My story is not quite the
My story is not quite the same, but lately my SSs have been asking if they could get pets at our house. They've asked for a bird, a guinea pig, etc. They assure me they will care for whatever animal we get for them, but they are only at our house for four days a month. I asked them "who's going to care for it when you aren't here?" Then they realize it's not a very viable option.
As much as I would love to send a loud, annoying bird to BM's house, I know it would lead to nothing but trouble. This is the same woman who wouldn't even temporarily keep the family dog that she and DH owned when they were married. BM demanded that DH take the dog after the divorce and then when DH needed a place for the dog to stay temporarily, BM said "too bad" to DH and the kids, so the dog was adopted by someone else.
We've talked about getting a dog, but I've made it clear that no dog will live in my house until I'm ready to have a dog, because I know I would be the primary caretaker - no matter what DH or his children say.
Aww I read about that poor
Aww I read about that poor dog on the other blog. Breaks my heart. SD has come up with a number of pets for our house too with no real plan or intention of caring for them with her limited time here. The answer is always no. I about died when DH said we could send a hedgehog to BM's because it would be for SD. I could already foresee BM's disgust.
My dogs are treated like royalty and are very much my fur babies, especially since I don't have human kids. I commend you for actually considering a dog's quality of life before just taking it on. I could strangle the people who abuse and neglect poor, innocent babies that they idiotically adopted on a whim or G-d forbid used for backyard breeding or dog fighting.
And every time one of my SSs
And every time one of my SSs wants to act like his mom walks on water and DH is mean and terrible, I want to remind him that his mother was the one who would not take in the family dog temporarily because she saw it as helping his father out and wanted no part of doing anything that would help DH.
She and DH had that dog for over five years before they got divorced and that same SS who can't bear to be separated from his mother for even a weekend was the one who cried for a whole day when DH told him that he couldn't keep the dog. I think the kid even called his mother crying asking if they could keep the dog and she said no, even though she was living in the same house and still had much of the dog's gear, so presumably wouldn't have been that disruptive to her life. I also don't even think she'd been living apart from DH for over at year at that point, which mean she hadn't been living away for the dog for more than a year, either. She also worked from home, as did her new husband, so it's not as if they were just going to be away too much to take in a dog.
Two years after DH rehomed the dog with another family, BM moved and posted a bunch of things online for sale and one of them was a large dog crate...not even joking.
So, yeah, I will never take in one of BM's pets, not even for a weekend, and won't feel bad in the slightest, even if the kids are crying their eyes out.
What a CUNextTuesday...OMG
What a CUNextTuesday...OMG
Yes, she's a real peach, that
Yes, she's a real peach, that one...
We have multiple pets in our
We have multiple pets in our home that the children can enjoy BUT they are either mine or my boyfriends.
Yeah with them only with us 4 days a month they didn't even have say in what we got and they are not expected to care for them at all.
It's sad though because BM will get animals then things change and they're gone. The kids keep taking about all the old cats and dogs. They sometimes ask if me and boyfriend are going to keep ours and we assure them we are.
I can imagine that's hard on
I can imagine that's hard on a kid to get rid of a pet after forming an attachment. As in a previous post of mine, SD doesn't consider our home "her home". She talks about getting a puppy (presumably for our house because BM's toddler is allergic to dander) but I tell her she already has 2 at our house. She looks confused like I have 2 heads. She thinks we will just get a puppy for her to 'kinda' watch grow up and have no responsibility for. We have medium/ large dogs and she seems to like toy dogs. Anyway, not gonna happen.
Uhh try the time BM tried to
Uhh try the time BM tried to send SS's pet scorpion (that she bought him) to live with us! Empire Scorpion stings are very similar to bee stings and guess who is allergic? Oh and not to mention the fact we had a 2 week old new born at the time.
Freaking loon. The thing has since "died" according to BM. Apperently when you give up all of your kids, feeding a scorpion a few crickets every now and again is too much of a drag on her party-like-a-not-star lifestyle.
SS was devastated when he heard "Stingy" died. According to BM's sister-the thing didn't actually die, when she got kicked out of the dilapidated motel Social Services put her in for not paying the $15 per month in rent or recertifying, she left it on the side of the road with all of his stuff (luckily he was living with us full time at that point).
Yeah I'm not into "odd"
Yeah I'm not into "odd" animals. I think I'll only ever own dogs. My dad raised us with horses but honestly, they scare me. Too many stories of accidents and well, I don't think they can listen like dogs lol
But a scorpion? Yuck. Poor BM didn't have $15. How does one get to that point?
It could be a long story but
It could be a long story but it's actually really simple, she doesn't care. She doesn't care about stability, she doesn't care about putting her kids before herself, she doesn't care about anything but the next dude she can snuggle up to and mooch off of. Well, that's not true. She cares about keeping up the image of a mother on facebook. She spends just enough time with her kids to get a few photos in, update her status #momlife and then skirt out on them leaving them with whoever will take them. She literally conned a older male family friend into taking her and her kids out for SS's birthday two years ago. They went to Red Lobster and swam in the pool at the hotel her friend was staying at. When the guy woke up the next day he had all 3 of her kids and she was gone. No note, couldn't reach her by phone. He eventually called her middle child's father and had him come get SS and his kid. Then he dropped her then 1 year old daughter off with her neighbors who have functioned as makeshift grandparents since she doesn't know who the father is. I used to feel bad for her, but that was before I realized she is doing exactly what she wants to do. I feel bad for her kids.
Oh yeah, and she called SO 3
Oh yeah, and she called SO 3 days later to see if he figured out where SS was because she didn't know. Cute huh? You should see the letter that CPS wrote her just before we were granted custody-it was seriously disgusting that someone even needed to write it. You can tell the CPS worker is giving it her all to give BM a big old professional middle finger. How that doesn't devastate a mother is beyond me. It phased her not at all.
Wow no shame. It's scary to
Wow no shame. It's scary to think that there are parents like that out there!
Our BM is similar, only
Our BM is similar, only difference is she just ditches them with us and then vanishes months at a time... I don't get it. pretty sure they're just flat out narcissists.
Our BM is similar, only
Our BM is similar, only difference is she just ditches them with us and then vanishes months at a time... I don't get it. pretty sure they're just flat out narcissists.
Beware the hedgehog. A
Beware the hedgehog. A previous member lost her marriage over a hedgehog. Although in this case it was the SD who had the hedgehog and wanted to bring it with her to the member's house. DH offered no support at all. It was the final nail in the coffin of their marriage.
I have no use for a hedgehog
I have no use for a hedgehog tbh. When I told DH I wasn't taking care of one he suggested sending it to BM's. I didn't even have a response for him other than the thing will probably die.
Crikey- maybe I should find
Crikey- maybe I should find one lol!
The crazy BM in my life went
The crazy BM in my life went to a live stock auction and bought a piglet she swore was a potbelly pig. Which still get HUGE, and frankly is the wrong animal for her as her only other pet ever was a hamster that died shortly after she got it for the skids.
Two days after getting the piglet, she discovered her town didn't allow livestock, only adding to the obvious: she did zero research on pigs as pets.
Her solution was to call my So demanding that we adopt it for the skids who were heartbroken it had to find a new home. Besides the fact we aren't zoned for livestock, I already have a household full of pets and don't need a 175 pound animal not of my choosing.
This year, less than two years later, she gets a Jack Russell terror, oops, terrier. They are super cute dogs, but I, who have owned several challenging breeds of dogs successfully, still know my lifestyle couldn't keep a Jack Russel occupied. She and the skids are generally not home. She works an hour commute from her job and the skids do their best to not be home when she is.
The puppy lasted one week before being rehomed. I was just happy for the puppy that it got away from her crazy.
Thankfully, she didn't even try to make us take the dog.
But yeah. I don't get pets for anyone else, and won't take on any pets that I can't handle because BM is an idiot.
DH brought a pot belly pig
DH brought a pot belly pig home when he was a kid. He kept it for a month before it was massive. I wouldn't know how to have a pig as a pet. He said they act like dogs apparently.
As for the Jack Russell- I've heard they're very high maintenance. I have terriers and they're very energetic and one was destructive in her younger years.
This made me laugh so hard.
This made me laugh so hard. Who buys a pig before figuring out how they're going to care for that pig? Also, the nerve of that woman demanding that your SO make up for her error.
I babysat for a family who had a Jack Russell, that thing was the craziest dog I had ever met. One day, I was walking near the family's home and a Jack Russell out running free came up and ran into my legs. I thought, I wonder if that's the crazy family dog. Come to find out, I'm at their house two days later and the dog had escaped and was roaming around the neighborhood. They are cute looking dogs, but I'd never get one after that experience.
Jack Russells make the
Jack Russells make the Energizer Bunny look like a complete couch potato. They are perfect for people with hundred acre farms with fields full of rats for them to hunt. One of my favorite dogs ever was a Cairn I had. She was adorable, but needed to be busy. It's a terrier trait. But JRs take it all to a new level.
Supposedly, pigs can be trained to interact like a dog. They are intelligent animals. But their size alone would be too much for me. If someone does research and can give an animal what it needs, then that's different. But if someone has never had any real pet before, going from a hamster to a pig - without any research, but just because it's cute as a baby - is insane. Add to that someone who yells louder when someone doesn't do what she wants, it would've guaranteed an animal that had behavior problems.
So the one thing I give her about the dog is she realized she couldn't handle it quickly and found it a new home (at least so she says) vs just dumping it at a pound.
Um... NO WAY would I allow my
Um... NO WAY would I allow my EX or my DH's EX to make decisions for my home which would include a pet!
Now, I'm not saying that I wouldn't allow my DH's kids to bring one of their pets on a visitation.. depending on a lot of factors though... like my current pet status and care/feeding and time obligations etc...
Here is why I hate the whole
Here is why I hate the whole "who gets custody of a pet" question or "hey, let's share the pet back and forth" crap...
Years ago, my friend Deanna got divorced, The family had a dog, Chester. A King Cavalier spaniel, so not a big dog.
EVERY time Deanna was mad at Steve, she would send the girls out to Steve's car and then she would open the door again and send Chester out. Sometimes he would just walk right out, but sometimes he was, well, pushed out the door a little too hard. I even saw Steve LAUNCH Chester out of his car door once.
I finally was able to convince Deanna to let the dog leave on a leash with the girls, and she did eventually come to understand that Chester was not a stuffed dog who should/could be launched in anger. Took me a while, but I did get her there.
WOB, that makes me sick. I
WOB, that makes me sick. I consider that to be abuse. We need an Angry Face emoji.
"This made me laugh so hard.
"This made me laugh so hard. Who buys a pig before figuring out how they're going to care for that pig?"
My STUPID as pig sh*t SS and his GF. They bought it as a pet for their toddler. I've had acquaintances who got pigs - every single one of them regretted it - a lot. Those things live forever.