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Just done being a SM

I love dogs's picture

Sorry for being a blog hog but I am so frustrated with steplife I want to explode today. As I posted before, SD is failing math (with an 18%) and is refusing to do work in class so DH got extra homework from the teacher- as punishment. She is at least 2 weeks behind because of the trip to Ireland and always needs help with her homework but never wants to put in any effort because she doesn't understand.

Tonight after dinner, DH asked me to help her. Ok, fine, I'm pretty good at math. I'll be nice and try. Again. I was rinsing dishes and SD is at the kitchen table. I ask her what the question is and in a mumble and speaking as fast as an auctioneer, she "read" me the question. I asked her if she thinks I really understood that and with her sassy snot voice says clear as day: "yeah". I said "ok, sure" and left the kitchen.

I locked myself in the bathroom to take a bath. I did not just work 10 hours to be treated like that and now DH said I need to be a "parent" and help out. I told him she needs a tutor and that's that. She can treat someone else like shit to do the work for her. At least a tutor gets paid. Oh, and he "heard me from the other room" and said I was giving SD attitude back. WELL, YEAH, DH, I'M A DAMN ADULT AND YOUR KID WANTS MY HELP BUT TO TREAT ME LIKE CRAP WHILE I DO HER DAMN WORK THAT SHE CLAIMS TO HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT!!

The best part? BM was blowing up SD's phone that she got taken away (for mouthing off to the math teacher AGAIN and refusing to do work in class) and I heard her whining that she and DH are talking to the teacher in the morning and she doesn't understand homework she's already done because it's "punishment". SD and DH are now watching a movie in the living room. I went to the store to get away and now I'll be the bad guy AGAIN for not putting up with SD and DH's abuse. I also told DH that homework should not be punishment, especially when SD is so far behind that she has no idea what to do.


grace8205's picture

Do not be her math tutor. Its hard enough for a parent to be in that teacher (I tried to be my son's English tutor and he would not listen to me, but the tutor I hired he listened to, she was telling him the same thing when she tutored him) role but as a SM its so much worse. I do not blame you if you gave attitude back to SD if she was giving it to you. I am sure you had better things to do with your time like watch TV and relax than tutor SD. If daddy can't help her with her math then he should hire and pay for a tutor.

You do not deserve to be treated like crap from either of them when you try to help.

I love dogs's picture

Thank you. SD is blatantly disrespectful to her math teacher and probably other teachers, too. Why is SM any different? DH thinks I should just suck it up because he sent his kid out of the country for almost 2 weeks when she didn't understand the work? I'm sorry, that's not my problem. And I need to be a "parent" and willingly help someone who just treated my like garbage? Thanks, but no thanks.

I thought our daughter would bring us closer together but I feel like my disdain for DH's parenting and SD's attitude will become more apparent and make DH have loyalty issues. The weeks when she is here are so tense lately.

Siemprematahari's picture

Your H has nerve! SD goes away for almost 2 weeks to Ireland knowing she needs help as it is and she goes anyway. Does that even make sense?!?  Now she comes back, has an attitude because she's behind and your H expects you to suck it up and help this disrespectful child? He can miss you with that BS and tutor his own kid if its that important. If he doesn't like that she's behind, she should have never went to the trip. This is her parents own doing and has NOTHING to do with you.

You allow and accept too much I love Dogs! I'd give him hell for it and his daughter too if they so much as looked at me the wrong way.

Harry's picture

don’t help with homework. You tried and failed, and that it. Just remember it’s not your fault that SD went on a two week vacation and now must face the piper.

 Get her a tutor and don’t worry.  Because there will be other vacations, other two weeks away from school and other failers

I love dogs's picture

Thanks. The assignment didn't even have value, it was just punishment. SD claims she's "already done that assignment" but has no fucking clue what's going on. I was not going to spend my night fighting SD to do it all while getting the crap attitude and her expecting me to just give her the answers because she's so far behind.

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

Your husband is wrong here. He needs to step up to the plate and help his daughter, If he unable to tutor her in maths, he needs to hire one. (Who on earth also thinks it is a good idea to have a child miss school for a vacation? How is  this responsible? And how does the catch up fall to you and not her bio-parents?? I think you are being used and taken for a ride...)

I find it outrageous that he can expect this from you and his comment that you gave his daughter attitude. Is he blind to the insolence of his own child? Or his own failing to deal with a school problem he in part created?

tog redux's picture

My DH used to give extra work for punishment and boy did BM capitalize on that! But he helped skid himself, not me. I helped on occasion, when SS asked nicely and was actively interested (rare). 

Stupid grandparents should have taken her to Ireland in the summer. Why do people do these things?

momjeans's picture

What a clustercuss.

The lack of setting good examples (being rewarded for bad behavior, abdicating parental duties off on other people, NOT being consistent) is doing the opposite of empowering this child to be a successful, functioning future adult. 


elkclan's picture

I don't think you have to give up on doing homework forever. BUT - absolutely take no lip - you didn't, well done. 

My SO helps my son with homework. But my SO is an educator and he's really good at it. My son knows that his choices are me helping him with his homework (and I can do it - and I do do it) or SO helping him. He would rather SO help him. He takes zero lip. He also doesn't tolerate my son giving me lip during homework. You sure wouldn't catch me and my BS watching a movie with homework not done. Each and every time my SO helps him it is a favour to me and to BS (and SO only helps with the homework that he wants to - but that's a lot of the math and science!)

Your DH was so wrong to attack you for not putting up with BS. And if you wouldn't do it he should be doing it even if it made a more miserable and drawn out experience than if you'd done it - so that next time if you were willing to help it SD could have approached it in a more respectful manner. 

ITB2012's picture

Thats a real thing and why she may be struggling and refusing to do the work. 

I love dogs's picture

No, I don't think so. She just doesn't care to learn and is so far behind that it's frustrating for her.

momjeans's picture

Then you LET... HER... FAIL. 

Let go of the rope. Not your child, not your problem. She has already shown she will not comply willingly, but kicking and screaming. 

Don’t do this to yourself, I Love Dogs. You’re going to be a wonderful mom to YOUR OWN CHILD soon enough. 

beebeel's picture

How many teeth does "D"H have left? Congrats on controlling the homicidal urges that come with pregnancy.

I love dogs's picture

I asked him to talk to SD and he said that he thinks I should talk to her because if I always have him do it, we'll never have a "relationship". I don't feel like we have much of a relationship as it is and told him I don't get that unconditional love so that's easy for him to say. She's sure comfortable enough to treat me like garbage.

beebeel's picture

Tell him his lack of parenting has produced a disrespectful, ungrateful child, which makes actually *wanting* a relationship with her very difficult.