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Do you ever get really pissed off on dh's behalf?

hismineandours's picture

I'm having one of those days. So my mil and dh dont really speak anymore. They spoke briefly about a month ago as he needed some info from her for his passport application. She took that opportunity to try and guilt him once again for trying to send his sister to jail and also told him she needed his id to take ss to a psychiatrist. So I guess she called up this morning wanting the id. So he was agreeable-he made a copy of it and she came over, with ss, to pick it up.

SS refused to even look at dh. Dh tried to speak with him and he wouldnt even look up and he answered him briefly. The last communication dh had with ss was him sending him a text saying-"I am done with you. I no longer have a father. You are a crazy retired army medic" The only thing ss indicated he was angry about was that dh hadnt called him back in whatever time frame ss thought was appropriate. They spoke on xmas day, dh said he'd give him a call back later and by mid January he was done with dh. Please note that it is typical for ss to go months without speaking to dh because he wont return calls or answer his phone-so when dh said I'll give you a call later-he really had no inkling that ss REALLY actually wanted him to call him later. This freaking pees me off soooo bad-my dh truly hasnt done anything horrendous to this kid. All he asked for in return was for ss to keep his mitts off his wife's and daughter's panties-and not do things like drugs, fail school, etc-since ss couldnt do that he was asked to take up residence elsewhere. Dh never said he didnt want to see ss, talk to him, be a part of his life, financially support him-just that he couldnt live in this house as it was not healthy for the other children. Now, ss's mother said she actually wanted to terminate her rights to him. She sees him 3-4 times a year for typcially a one day visit. she provides no financial support. He is however, ok, with her.

So dh tries to be nice and cordial to ss today and he acts like an ass. My mil says nothing. She then asks him for ss's social security card and birth certificate. I have no idea why but this pissed me off too! The woman has said she does not want guardianship of ss. IMO, if she doesnt want guardianship she doesnt need those documents either-I guess dh was of like mind as he simply said he didnt know where they were.

I just wish my dh would stand up for himself a little. IMO, part of the reason that ss is the way he is is because noone wants to call him on the carpet. Instead of dh addressing the nasty text message from ss months ago, he just ignored and was nice to ss when he saw him. In other words ss can be an ass and no one will say anything about it. My mil is such a freaking biatch, because my dh wont stand up to her either. Instead of telling, her NO, I'm not giving you shit, old lady since you arent even decent to me-he just made up an excuse.

They just ALL treat him so bad-the whole collective bunch of them-mil, fil, sil, bil and now ss. And while we have minimal communication with them, I KNOW that anytime they try and communicate or it is necessary dh ends up feeling horribly bad-I m thinking we've got a week of depression from this incident and to top it off sil's got a hearing on Friday. If is postponed again, he will be down about that, if it is resolved, and she gets anything other than NOTHING, I am sure that he will be getting calls from the inlaws.

He told me this morning, that sil is the one who did something bad and he's "lost his whole family" over it. I tried to point out, in a gentle kind way of course, that they were shitbags to begin with and he's better off.

I kinda feel like my mil is purposely trying to turn ss against dh (not that it probably took much-he already hated me and our kids)but I feel like she has really probably encouraged that in order to "get back" at dh for turning in sil. What a loving mom.

Comments

Kes's picture

Knowing a bit of how DH's family can be - I hope they will not go and use his ID for something illegal, rather than taking SS to a psychiatrist?

hismineandours's picture

Yeah, that's exactly what I said. It's his military id. He ended up making a copy of it rather than giving her the actual ID. But it also serves as his insurance card-I am still amazed that someplace is willing to see him without parental consent or without a legal guardian signing anything.

hismineandours's picture

He's been to a psychiatrist-in fact has seen one for a total of probably 5 years or so. From 6-9.5 and again probably from 11-13.5. He's been tried on about every category of med one can think of-stimulant, antidepressant, antipsychotic as well a number of meds in each category-so I have no idea what my idiotic mil thinks a psychiatrist is going to do at this point? A psychiatrist cannot change the fact that he is a psychopath.

imjustthemaid's picture

I try to tell DH all the time he is better off without his pos parents. He is hurt by them for stealing and begging for money all the time. It does not sink in when I talk to him about it. He keeps saying but they are my only parents, what if something happened to them. I am thinking if something happened to them our lives would be better!!!

I get so angry that they continue to use him and ask for money when we have nothing ourselves. It pisses me off. I don't say anything to them out of respect for him but one day I might explode and it will not be pretty!! If I ever hear them say anything in front of me then its on!!

Instead of DH getting angry, he feels hurt!! It drives me insane!!

hismineandours's picture

My dh vacillates back and forth. There are times he is very pissed off at them (although he still wont say anything-will rather just ignore them-which honestly is a bit meaningless since they are ignoring him as well).

But today he is just butt hurt and I have such a hard time with that. I also used to hold my tongue-for years-I did this. Although I do not anymore as I feel like that allowed him to fool himself even longer that they were ok people. I told him to punch his mom in the stomach for me a couple of times when she picked up the card, I'm guessing that's not a very neutral position?

whatwasithinkin's picture

Im angry on DH behalf all the time.

The most recent? Sunday DH back was really acting up so much so he didnt even crack his normal Sunday beer and opted instead for Vicoden.

It is now 7pm and he has to haul his ass to the car for a 40 minute round trip to pick up inconsiderate SD17 at her grandparents. Why you ask? One: because I think she feels she should be "given" a car by myself and DH and not have to work, and two: because I cant pick her up, if I do she gets in the back seat of my car and speaks to me like she is Miss Daisy and I am her driver.

I would have gladly took the ride the weather was beautiful, but Im not going to be treated like that to spare DH.