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The BOSS of the house...another member's post made me think

herewegoagain's picture

It is widely accepted in society today that "if mamma ain't happy, nobody is happy." It is widely accepted that "mom's make the rules and run the home". However, we all know what happens what happens when you marry someone with kids. I think that is yet ANOTHER reason we have so many problems.

You see, the BM was probably "the BOSS of the house, made the rules, clean up, do this, do that, blah, blah, blah..." Everyone, including our DH just said "yep, that's the way it is...if mamma ain't happy, nobody is happy...deal with it kids!" Then they divorce and you come into the picture. But now, mamma ain't there, I mean the FIRST mamma...she's somewhere else, but the kids, your DH and especially MAMMA thinks she STILL runs the house. And if she ain't happy, nobody is happy.

But you see, WE are now the WOMAN or MAMMA of the house, not BM. And well, our DHs are so used to "if mamma ain't happy, mamma makes the rules of the house, blah, blah, blah" that many times he continues to allow her to still be the boss and make the rules in his home, even if she is no longer living there. And so that puts us??? Yes, in "who cares what you think" land. Now of course, MAMMA can still make the rules, although she doesn't live there, but of course, she can't cook and clean and do stuff for the kiddos because she's not there...so guess who has to do those things? Yep! That's right, US! So mamma makes the rules, but obviously she can't cook for kids cause she's not there, so TAG you are it! And somehow society and our DHs think that is perfectly acceptable.

PS - of course the BM hates us because she knows that SHE used to make the rules because she was MAMMA and anything your DH does that goes against what SHE wants means that "we must have made the rule", wether we did or not...that's why they always hate the SM and blame her for everything

Ahhhh...Nope. It's not. Mamma does MAKE THE RULES, but MAMMA is whoever is living in the house...not the one who is not.

Just wanted to get that out. Any thoughts?

Comments

dragonfly5's picture

My home my rules. Not the skids Crazo mother. Or anyone else. And yes, if I am not happy you can bet everyone else is going to feel it.

I have been there done that, bite my tongue stuff with my EX. No more.

It just works out better if everyone knows the rules they are playing by. My SO are honest with each other even if it hurts to hear sometimes. So we are all on the same page, my SO and I have told the skids these are our house rules. If they say but a my mom's and doormat's house we.... One of us interrupts them and says, this is not your mom and doormat's house. This is our house and xyz applies.

So far it is working. We don't ever give into crazo demands so it keeps her pretty much out of our day to day lives. Oh but she tries.

This past week she had sd11 call to ask it my SO would keep her on our non visitation weekend. Doormat had a previous engagement and fss14 already had plans. Crazo works on the weekends. The judge told them both no switching, trading, changing. SO he told fsd11 no he was sorry but her mom started all of this 2 years ago when she started with holding them from visitation and reminded her the judge said no changing to the visitation schedule.

She sent over 30 text and even called ranting and raving. But when you don't take her calls and after listing to the first one my SO just deletes the rest. Looks at the first text and deletes the rest. She still controls nothing.

Sorry Crazo your issues are not mine...nor will they ever be. You let SO get away how stupid are you? Now he is mine and he does everything he can to make me/us happy. You just hate it don't you, because you married lazy, old doormat.

dragonfly5's picture

My home my rules. Not the skids Crazo mother. Or anyone else. And yes, if I am not happy you can bet everyone else is going to feel it.

I have been there done that, bite my tongue stuff with my EX. No more.

It just works out better if everyone knows the rules they are playing by. My SO are honest with each other even if it hurts to hear sometimes. So we are all on the same page, my SO and I have told the skids these are our house rules. If they say but a my mom's and doormat's house we.... One of us interrupts them and says, this is not your mom and doormat's house. This is our house and xyz applies.

So far it is working. We don't ever give into crazo demands so it keeps her pretty much out of our day to day lives. Oh but she tries.

This past week she had sd11 call to ask it my SO would keep her on our non visitation weekend. Doormat had a previous engagement and fss14 already had plans. Crazo works on the weekends. The judge told them both no switching, trading, changing. SO he told fsd11 no he was sorry but her mom started all of this 2 years ago when she started with holding them from visitation and reminded her the judge said no changing to the visitation schedule.

She sent over 30 text and even called ranting and raving. But when you don't take her calls and after listing to the first one my SO just deletes the rest. Looks at the first text and deletes the rest. She still controls nothing.

Sorry Crazo your issues are not mine...nor will they ever be. You let SO get away how stupid are you? Now he is mine and he does everything he can to make me/us happy. You just hate it don't you, because you married lazy, old doormat.

stepfamilyfriend's picture

Well. I did not know the above was so widely accepted.
If one marries a man that you can boss around, tell him what to
do ...then why the surprise that the ex and skids run all over him? Someone that lets others run all over him will not be that selective to only let the new wife do it.
In my relationship we are both extremely independent and obstinate and don't want to be "told" to do anything. If you like to make the rules and have a husband that obeys them, then you have that kind of man and all that comes with it, including Mils, ex's and skids that take over.

herewegoagain's picture

Did I say "my husband lets me run all over him?" Did I say "boss him around?" Oh my, where did that come from. Ask most men in society and they will tell you that "their wife deals with the kids, the cleaning, the daily household stuff..." If you live in a house that each one of you does whatever you want and "your own thing", then sorry, that's not really a marriage. A marriage is about people coming together and doing things TOGETHER...agreeing on things, and usually, when it comes to the kids, most of the time, mom makes the decisions...She consults with dad, but mostly, moms do it...geez

PS - if you have such a household, I am not sure what your issues are then, because in reality, your DH should be able to do whatever he wants with HIS kids and you shouldn't tell him or not like what he does, but instead "just deal with it"...

PS - I also have no need to delete my posts from this site, as I have an open relationship with my DH where I can think and feel however I want to...even if we don't agree... Wink

stepfamilyfriend's picture

I was not talking about you. I was speaking in general terms, as the thread seemed intended, of women who like to boss their DH and complain that he lets ex's ans skid boss him.
I don't know enough about your relationship to say something like that to you, so don't take it personal.
Your questions about my marriage, we try and talk about things and make decisions together. Sometimes we argue over what is right, makes sense, is fair and all that, but we try and come up with how we run our household together. As far as what DH does with his kids, I really mostly agree with it. He did not spoil them all, he will not let ANYONE manipulate him, he made it clear that we are the adults.
My reply was not an attack to you at all, so please don't attack me.

stepfamilyfriend's picture

Your comment about not deleting your comments....I have deleted some of my blogs, not to hide them from my husband, but because there are other family members with skids and I am not sure of who all is on here, so I have done that.
This isn't really a pissing contest of who has the better marriage either.

giveitago's picture

Yep...DH would really rather I came on here than bitched at him...LOL He knows I am here. Every now and again there's a need to 'reign in' some disrespect or other though. I remind them all that if they want a doormat they need to go to Martha Stewart...NOT ME!

Jsmom's picture

Agree with all of it. For me I think DH allowed SD to run the house after mom left. And when another woman came in all hell broke loose...Add in that I have lived alone and controlled my own son and house and there was no way a young girl was going to tell me what she was and was not going to do.

Recipe for disaster.

Anon2009's picture

Here is what I think.

I think it needs to be made clear to skids that no, we are not their moms and we're not trying to replace them, but we're the mother figures in our homes, so they need to listen to us and treat us with respect, and our DHs need to be on board with this.