OT-am I losing it or is he really cruel or psycho? ugh :-(
So for a while things have not been going well. The BS line of I am trying and this time it will be different is fading as usual. To top it off, some of whom I thought were my good friends have told me I need to "lighten up and not be so negative", while nothing is truly said to my DH. I have been reading about psychopaths and passive aggressive men for a while and honestly the more I read, the more worried I become. I am not trying to make him into something he is not, we have been together for 15 years and it is just recently that I have started to think that things are really way off here.
My latest example? After some months of trying to meet up with someone I met through FB and mutual friends (we both have autistic kiddos), this lady and I decided to go hang out at a local burger place and take our kids with us to watch the US soccer game yesterday. We were to be there are 3PM and I really did not invite or expect DH to show up as he should have been at work. I did tell him to call me when he was on his way home, as our son had a swimming class last night to attend so that we could figure out if I should take him or if he would pick him up from that place to take him. What happens? Yesterday morning I was up by 730AM and DH had left to go to work super early. Most days he doesn't leave until 8AM or so, but yesterday he was gone closer to 6AM. I thought it was strange and called him around 1PM to tell him when we would be leaving, etc. and to ask him why he had left so early. He stated he had lots of work and wanted to get as much done as possible, thus he left early. What's the big deal?
When I arrived at the restaurant, I called DH to tell him I was fine, we had made it there ok, etc. and sure enough, he tells me he is trying to finish work asap to "meet us there" early. In my mind I thought "why? I didn't really invite you…it was going to be just this lady, her daughter, our son and myself…" So, sure enough about an hour later he arrives. I continued to talk/chit chat with this lady, our kids were getting along great, etc…so I didn't make a big deal out of it. I stepped outside to smoke and since I was in a chair in between them two, I told him he could move to my chair to talk to her so she wasn't just sitting there not talking. No big deal, everything was fine.
We get home about 4 hours later. I am telling DH that I had such a great time with this new friend and it was awesome to see our son truly interacting with the girl who is is his age…this is major for autistic kiddos as many don't have many friends due to their unique interests. And so here is where it gets weird (at least to me)…DH says to me "yes, she was very nice…I wasn't sure what to expect since she lives in X and you know that even you say that a lot of people that live there are just a bit off (this is just the way it is)…but she was very nice. You know? She has a psychology major." At that point I said "wow, really, her and I talked for quite a while and that never even came up". He then proceeded to tell me … "yes, she has a psychology major, but because she doesn't have a masters can't practice here…but she works as an accountant in such place…you know, I was expecting her to be very different but she could follow a conversation from fun to serious and back and not miss a beat (mind you, DH has told me many times I don't get jokes and I need to lighten up too). Also, I was shocked to see she has a tattoo on her ankle…she had super high heels on, so she's shorter than you…" Honestly, I looked at him at that point and said "wow, sorry, it's just kind of weird that you seemed to have "studied" her so well in just a few minutes…I guess I don't study people that way, much less people of the opposite sex". At that point he said "don't make this be something it's not, it's not that I like her, it's just that in my type of work we are always taught to read people well, etc…so that's what I do." Honestly, at that point I was starting to feel sick, as I was the one who originally told him to get into that type of work because he was so good at convincing people. When we first dated he mentioned that he had seen me 3 years before, at X place, wearing X clothes, etc. and I thought it was a bit freaky…but of course, I ignored it as many people told me to ignore that…that maybe he just liked me so much". Honestly, after all the reading I have done it seems freaky to me. He has a habit of befriending any single girl friends I have ever had to the point that the girls defend him for being so sweet and eventually start treating me like shit. This never happens with my married girlfriends, only the single ones.
I'll write about the other stuff later…but want to get your input. I am really starting to think there is something very wrong here.