O/T: Private Schools?
FDH and I have been talking about the kids' schooling lately. FSD9 will be starting the 4th grade this year (she's really excited because they put her in a combination 4th/5th class), and FSS4 will be beginning pre-k/kindergarten. FDH is a little worried about FSS, who has been assigned a special tutor in order to "get him up to speed." FSS will be 5 in November, but he still has some troubles counting to 20. I'm not sure about his ABC's. Sometimes I hear FDH practicing with FSS, and it sounds like FSS just gets easily distracted and gives up. He's quick to ask for help, usually from FSD (she ALWAYS pipes out the right answer before FSS has a chance, a habit I've been trying to get her to break). Then again, I hear him naming motor parts and a variety of tools that have me stumped. I think he has the capacity, but just maybe not the focus. He's definitely a hands-on learner.
FSD on the other hand excels in school subjects, particularly language arts, and has a ridiculously retentive auditory memory. Her vocabulary seems to grow every time I see her, and she always wants to know more.
Unfortunately for the both of them, they live in a TERRIBLE school district. BM's house, though, is conveniently only a block or two from the kids' schools. These are schools that she attended growing up. Sadly, she's a typical product of this school system (read: she couldn't pass the ASVAB to save her life). Her vocabulary is stunted (though one must wonder if it has something to do with her social circle), and her spelling is appalling. She's not wonderful with even basic math (which is why FSD sometimes brings it to our house, even though we only see her EOWE), and let's not even approach the slightly more layered subjects of history or science. I wish I could attribute all of that to BM being a dumbsh-t, but I believe that it's the schools there. They, like the city where BM lives, are made up almost entirely of immigrant laborers' children, a high proportion of which are ESL students. Gang violence is also a real problem. I think teachers there are probably overwhelmed by the sheer number of kids, as well as the high number of ESL learners, and figure that the smart ones will make it on their own.
BM has told FSD that she plans to pull her out of the school system after the 6th grade and do home-schooling. Now, FDH and I both agree that pulling her out of the school system is probably a good thing. However, FDH is furious with BM for thinking that she could home-school the kids. FSD has probably already surpassed BM's intellect. Furthermore, if tutors are worked through BM I can foresee her trying to ream FDH with inflated fees. But more than that, I personally think that the kids need to be exposed to other social groups beyond the small one that their mother has built for them. They hang around the same small group of immature adults with the same immature ideas who teach and display the same immature qualities to their children. It's just not an optimal environment for growth beyond their little world.
So, I would like to encourage FDH to put the kids in private schools after the 6th grade instead. It's expensive. Homeschooling I'm sure would also be expensive, if it were done correctly (mind you, I don't think BM would do it correctly). As education is something that I feel strongly about, and as his kids are good kids that I care about, I would offer to help him pay for the private schools. Sorry, that was a long explanation to get to this. What do you think?
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I did private catholic from
I did private catholic from K-4 for my son, because of the school district. But, then moved out of state to get him in a top school district. He has excelled beyond my expectation in the public school here. It is excellent but not all public schools are. I loved the catholic school we had him in. You just have to find a school that works for you. I was a single parent and I made sacrifices to pay the tuition. It was worth it to me.
As it turns out, the majority
As it turns out, the majority of private schools in the area are Catholic. Neither FDH or I are practicing, but if the schools provide a solid academic curriculum, then I'm quite content with the religious affiliation. There are even separate girls and boys Catholic schools that are close to where BM lives. I'm not sure about the caliber of these schools though. I have yet to do significant research as I'm not sure yet that BM would even sign on to the idea. I know that the cost will be a burden, but I think with the right school it would be worth it.
My kids were in private
My kids were in private school for a number of years. Our district SUCKED. It is VERY expensive, what with tuition, registration, book fees, uniforms, etc. It was worth it to me at the time.
We moved out of state and now the kids are in public school.
FTR, I wouldn't necessarily wait until 6th grade. The kid may be too far behind by then. The curricula tend to be pretty aggressive at private schools.
I should add that I, too,
I should add that I, too, attended private school for the majority of my education.
Shortly after graduation, I did what all good girls do, get married, have babies, and stay home.
Now, I work and am in school.
I don't believe the education was necessarily a 'waste' of money. I think that the private, religious school taught a different set of values. It's why mine went to private as well. (SD's BM would NOT allow her, though.)
I would prefer to start them
I would prefer to start them on a new track sooner rather than later. However, I was trying to work around what BM had said, which was that she would pull the kids out after the 6th grade (at the end of elementary school). I don't know if she will go for this idea at all, or if she was even serious when she told FSD that she was planning to pull them out. Because their elementary schools are conveniently located near BM, because BM is friends with many of the mothers at the schools, and because FSD would be upset if she was to be removed from the school with her friends (they'll all be split up after elementary school anyway), I don't think that BM would be on board for making any changes until at least after the 6th grade.
I too am very particular
I too am very particular about education. I plan to send my kids to college prep. Our public school system is really bad.
On the other hand though, I am very particular about my finances. I could not offer to pay for skid to go to school. My situation may be very different though. I personally don't thnk the skids appreciate my efforts which is why I backed off. I was highly involved in private schooling for SD and she quit after 2 months and moved back in with BM.
You will have your skids in earlier which is really really good. By the time SD 15 got to a good school it was high school and she had not developed a good academic work ethic. She has the brains, but can't apply herself.
If you think that your financial effort will be worthwhile and will be appreciated then yes. If you have any doubts, I'd explore my options further. Look into financial aid too. For that they should only take into account their mother and father's income. I don't think they take yours into account too.
My SD16 and SD14 have been
My SD16 and SD14 have been privately schooled since the age of 4, at a cost of hundreds of thousands of pounds. (We live in England) I personally consider it to have been money poured down a rat hole, this is the phrase I use to my DH. I know it is very blunt, but frankly, they would have done just as well in the local state school, and we would not still have a huge mortgage.
If you can find a really good school, it might be worth the financial sacrifice, but my SDs have been in several private schools with good reputations and I think their pastoral care, in particular, compares badly with state run schools. Plus the girls are of average or slightly below average ability, and as the old saying goes, you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. I acknowledge that your SKIDS may have to go to a bad local school as the alternative, but just because you are paying out large amounts, does NOT mean they are necessarily getting a better education. Do loads of research and read lots of parents reviews before sending them to any private school. Don't just read the private schools' brochures, they are businesses, and in the business to make money. They are not a panacea, as my DH expected private education to be.
I like your idea, but would
I like your idea, but would like to offer another option (if it's available in BM's area).
Here, there is a choice of schools option you can do. You can send your kid to another school in the district or even in a different disctrict provided it's close enough. The transfer has to be approved by both the loosing school and the gaining school districts; the decision is based on the child's performance and behavior as well as factors like current class sizes. I missed the deadline for my daughter and since she just got settled into this school, don't plan on moving her until 6th (she's in 4th now), but I really regret having missed it since there is literally a 5 star school about 1/2 mile from our house whereas the school she's going to now is only rated at 3.
We went both ways with my
We went both ways with my SS-19. I have been dad since he was 1yo and his mom and I have always lived in top districts to provide him with the best education we could afford. We also did private military boarding school for his Jr and Sr year of HS though we did bring him home the last semester of his Sr year because he got ill the first semester and got behind and the SpermIdiot helped him hack the school fire wall to play WoW all night with SPermIdiot.
Anyway, regardless of public, private or home schooling IMO the key to kid academic success is parental involvement.
If BM is has not historically been involved I would refuse to support home schooling. As for private.... if you and DH are involved with HW and everything else then the money may be well worth it. However, like anything if the SKids and BM are not returning academic performance for your tuition dollars then yank their asses back to public school
IMO of course.