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I love my husband but....

hehatesme's picture

HELP!! I'm so tired of my step sons attitude, and the fact my husband does not seem to care about the fact his son is allowed to hold our home under this grip of tension, dear daddy wont even set any boundries for him, but holds my daughters 7 & 14 to extreem standards. My poor friends just cant understand. Im holding out hope my SS will move out, he's flunking all grades in school, rebeling, on anti depressants and anxiety drugs, NOTHING IS WORKING!


Sara_Smile22's picture

My husband is the same way...can discipline and say mean things to my kids but can't even show his daughter that she's wrong...NO disapproval whatsoever. He supports her when she abuses us. She also could make or break the mood in our household with a single act. One thing he is famous for, is if I push for SD to have consequences, he makes it like ALL the kids are guilty and need to be punished. That way SD doesn't have to take any responsibility and it's 'normal' kid behavior, etc...

There's no easy button here, but lots of people to let you know it's common and you are not alone. The biggest lesson and tough to do/learn for me is how to not accept the truckload of sh.t they continuously try to dump on you. If you can detach yourself and your kids...remove yourselves emotionally and even physically from the chaos....keep putting the problem back in their'll have a good start. Don't let any bubbles persist...referencing the 'fantasy world' they like to live in. You have to call out verbally what you feel/see and let them know what you will/won't accept and carry. But the tricky part is you gotta figure out what that is yourself.

hehatesme's picture

Thanks- I know that i do love my husband but im soo tired of us always fighting over his son. every time i say anything negative about my ss to my husband, it blows up into a fight! I have removed my self from as much emotional attachment as i can- youre right about husband making the life tough on my daughters, its so hard, i see him pushing my 14yr old away, because she can see what is going on. his son has ABSOLUTELY no rules or boundries! has all my dishes ,towels, etc. in his filthy room, raids the fridge, takes my 7yr olds school snacks etc.. its so friggin hard to hold on !

herewegoagain's picture

Don't worry the end of the day, your kids will be better off and his son will just fall off the deep end...once he is an adult, he needs to get shouldn't be supporting someone who behaves this way...Good luck...

Sara_Smile22's picture


That was a big issue between SD and myself too. I purchase items that I need for lunches at work and my BD needs for lunches at school...everyone in the house can respect that but her. Once in a while I think it is no big deal if she takes something cuz she's a lazy teen, but when I have nothing to send with BD 8 for lunch or I have nothing to eat that day because she has taken ALL of it to her room to eat herself, I think that's just mean. I even took to hiding things....and she found them and took them anyway. It was deliberate. This may sound insane, but toward the end I really think she was doing these things to piss me off...tweak my nose so to speak...and then she'd turn around and tell Daddy I was being mean to her....

My kids have actually said to me they understand why DH is behaving this way cuz she is his 'REAL' daughter and they are NOT. What it does is hurt his long term relationships with these really awesome this point, it is too late for him to change their perceptions and I can't deny it because they are 100% accurate in their assessment. I must validate.

hehatesme's picture

man , i sometimes think that i am going crazy! my ss will NIGHTLY dig through the fridge and leave stuff out, leave cupboard doors open and my favorite, leave the microwave door open when he's done on his nightly prowell! I actually have a place where i hide stuff. I really doesn't piss off my husband till he gets into his stuff like left overs for lunch, GGRRR!!!Luck that i have my awesome two daughters to keep me sane too!

Sara_Smile22's picture

HAHA, so nice to not be alone on this stuff even though it sucks...SD would open things like spaghetti sauce, other perishables in the cabinets and then put them back in the cabinet to spoil. The spaghetti sauce was a repeated offense. She is 17 and I even thought for a moment that she didn't get that this stuff had to be refridgerated after opened...but DH called BS on that. And yes, she couldn't shut cabinet doors, etc. We have a fridge in our garage where we'd store extra milk, juice....she'd always finish off the jug but couldn't replace it. when I was feeling particularly spiteful, I'd got get it, use what I wanted/needed and then put it back downstairs so she'd have to go get it if she wanted it. She would just not get any until someone else brought it up. Most of that I think was just pure laziness..but it sure infuriates you when after a long day at work you've planned to use the spaghetti sauce that is now SPOILED. Another thing that I'm pretty sure she was doing is taking our utensils and cups to her room and then instead of bringing them up to wash, throwing them in the trash. Pretty positive that's what was going on but never got to prove it.

livinthedream's picture

You have every right to confront SS about things he needs to do in the house to keep harmony. Maybe DH doesnt have a backbone or boundaries,but you can enforce your boundaries.