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o/t - some questions for people who are divorced..?

happymostly's picture

sorry all my blogs lately have been about divorce and all that, but I dont really know anyone who is divorced in my family and friends, since i am so young, alot of my friends are either married or engaged so no one I really know has been through a divorce.

so I just have a few questions for you guys:

1. Who initiated the divorce? and if it was you who initiated the divorce, did your husband want it, did it take a long time for it to sink into their heads?
2. Around how long did it take from filing the divorce to getting the divorce granted?
3. Did you go back to your maiden name or keep your ex's last name?

in my case, me and H have been married less than a year (10 months so far) and no children together and no things are in both our names except a joint account that is only for bills and it has less than 100 dollars in it right now. So I am wondering if I should go back to my maiden name. it doesnt really mean anything to me as it was my mother's ex's husbands last name. (why she didnt give me my dad's last name I dont know; they were together 12 years! My dad didnt protest it at the time either) and my last name now is just blehh it doesnt really mean anything now, but its such a hassle to change a name that I dont really want to do it.
and my H is really against the divorce, so I have a feeling he is going to drag it out and we live with my mother right now, so he would be the one to have to leave. In my state I found out it could be as less as 10 days from the actual filing to the granting of the divorce as long as there is no contest. I dont think I will need a lawyer because we dont really have anything to fight about.

and anyone have any ideas on what I could say to my H that IS going to happen, that nothing can be saved at the present time. He just refuses to believe it and I really just want to get on with my life.

EDIT:

forgot to mention my therapy session yesterday. I told her what all had happened that made me feel like this and she said the situation with the car (i parked crooked and H almost hit it and he BLEW UP at me) was very uncalled for. That it wasnt a little thing like H keeps saying it is. and I said of another incident where H wanted me to text him every 30 minutes while I was out with friends. She said that is controlling behavior and signs that things might get worse in the future. and I agree. H was abusive with his ex and even though he got help, he still did it after that. it only ended when the relationship ended. and I dont really 'feel abused' because he hasnt hit me, but it could very well lead down that path.and him refusing to validate my concerns on that being a big issue and me asking him to get help again and him refusing shows that he is not willing to change at this time, even after he knows he might lose me, and after the session, she called me about 20 minutes later after she thought some more and gave me the domestic violence hotline #.

Comments

stepsonhatesme's picture

1. Who initiated the divorce? and if it was you who initiated the divorce, did your husband want it, did it take a long time for it to sink into their heads?

I initiated the divorce. I don't know if he really wanted to divorce in te first place but he didnt really have a chioce. He left me for stupid bimbo #1 and I filed 10 days after he left me.
I dont think it took him to long to realize it since he was so stuck up bimbo #1 ass.

2. Around how long did it take from filing the divorce to getting the divorce granted?

I file in April or May and by December it was done. (too bad my stupid lawyer didnt file the paperwork and we had to re-sign and according to the courts it wasnt done until Feb.)

3. Did you go back to your maiden name or keep your ex's last name?

I kept my ex's last name only because we had 3 children and I wanted to have to same last name as them. (and I HATED my maiden name even more)

12yrstepmonster's picture

Been divorced once:

Was uncontested but took 9 months. Neither of us "pushed" it with the lawyers. We were married just under 4 years. Had one child.

I gave him everything, he gave me full custody.

I think it hit him the minute he walked in and found us gone. The first year was the worst.

Hell yeah I took my maiden name back and I almost didn't change my name when I remarried. I lost myself in my marriage in who I was and where I was going. Taking my name back was establishing again who I was.

herewegoagain's picture

I divorced at age 27 and my husband at the time wanted the divorce. He left and a week later I filed for divorce. It was not contested. We did not have children. It took exactly 60 days to be final. I never changed my last name, it was a non-issue. (I haven't changed it this second time either...)

The one thing that I will tell you is to make sure you put some type of ad in ANY local newspaper about any debts that he incurs after you separate. I don't remember what it's called, but my lawyer told me to do that. Thankfully, it was a clean cut and no issues because of that vs. idiot DH who didn't do it and ended up with mounds of debt after he separated and it took over 3 years for it to go through.

Good luck.