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does your DH/SO ever say anything to you about your parenting style?

happymostly's picture

Submitted by happymostly on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 3:22pm

For some reason, me and dh got onto the subject of if we had kids and if we got divorced. I think it was after we started talking about bm and sd. dh doesnt like how bm parents sd, as she is more permissive and he thinks that sd would be better off with him, which of course i agree, I think he is an excellent parent. Sometimes I feel he is too harsh on her, but I dont say anything, unless I feel it really is unjust; I just did that one time and he agreed with me.

Anyway, he was saying that 'the kids would definitely be with me, no way would they be with you' I was kind of offended by that, because even though I am not a parent yet, (i am a step parent though! lol and dh has said that he can tell i will be a great mom with how I am with sd) and I have thought about it, and I think we would do a 50/50, because I know that there is no way in hell I could be an EOWE parent, unless a judge made it so, but I still would fight tooth and nail for that. and he said that no way could he not see his child every day again like he has to with sd. He has said something along those lines as well, when we had a pregnancy scare while he was living in sd's town. he was like after you have the baby, he/she will live with me while you finish school there. I was like no way in hell would that happen either. and I dont understand how he says that either because he has said before he thinks I will be a great mom.

I think maybe part of it, he has been through hell with bm, and he still resents that she took sd and ran away (she took off all the way back to their hometown 100 miles away and didnt talk to dh about even splitting up. he moves there and then things are great between them for 6 months -no court order and they were not together either- then she ups and moves sd AGAIN and refuses contact for 6 months until dh can get a temporary court order in place) So sometimes when he says that stuff I think he still remembers how bad it was between them. but then after we had that discussion, he was like but it doesnt matter because we arent ever getting divorced. so who the hell knows how he truly feels!

Comments

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 3:24pm

Sorry hun, but that would kind of creep me out! Think long and hard about having kids with this man.

JustAnotherSM's picture

Submitted by JustAnotherSM on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 3:46pm

I agree with Willow, please make sure this is the right guy to be having kids with.

When my DH and I began having these discussions before we had kids of our own, we were focused on the fact that we wouldn't put our kids in the middle of our fights and make them choose one parent over the other. We agreed that if we ever had kids and divorced, that we would do our best to co-parent in the best interest of the child.

If your DH is already commenting about how he wants to keep future kids from you, it sounds like he wants an egg donor more than he wants a wife.

skylarksms's picture

Submitted by skylarksms on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 3:28pm

My H was extra hard on my DS because he felt I was too permissive. I was permissive because the kid got good grades and rarely if ever got in any kind of trouble!

It has and STILL does cause friction between us and my DS is 20 and living on his own for the past 2 years.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Submitted by Butterflykisses... on Thu, 01/13/2011 - 3:39pm

LOL- "My" DH is completely jealous of my "parenting" style yet is too proud to change his own passivity. He looks like a spineless wimp and he knows it.

stepsonhatesme's picture

Submitted by stepsonhatesme on Fri, 01/14/2011 - 2:51am

In the beginning of our relationship I spoke up about H parenting style (told him that if him an BM would've been more strict then the 2SS wouldnt b the way they are)...he left an got so wasted he passed out in his car in the neighboring parking lot.....12 hrs after he left..an don't remember any if it!!
FFW to today....we can openly talk about it now. He knows I'm the "hard ass" and that He is too easy....but he is changing. ...sometimes (OK most of the time) I think its too late being one SS is almost 20 an the other one is almost 18.
But I have hope!!