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Social Media/disengagement

Happycamper's picture

So if you've followed my story, I am disengaged for so many reasons. I can't seem to do or say anything right in the presence of the skids. DH always watches to critique me after I am around them. It is really horrible. Anyway, he picks them both up (ages 16 and 19) weekly and takes them to dinner. I may be around them once a month or every other month. As far as my Facebook, when we first got together, DH asked me to block BM and befriend the kids because BM would look at our business and if we went on a trip or did anything fun, she would start demanding more money. So, my FB is really for me and MY family. I post pics of my kids from time to time. They don't live in the same state as us. This is my way of showing them I'm proud when they do something or miss them. I don't have much of the skids on my FB because I'm not around them much. When SD19 graduated high school, DH was taking selfies with her and SD16 but guess who wasn't in the pics...anyway...DH made a snide comment to me yesterday. He said if anyone looked at your FB, they would only think you had 2 kids instead of 4. Well, the skids don't look at me as anything but the woman who took their dad. Is this bad? Should I have to post them all over my social media if I barely see them or I feel like a fly by night stranger when I'm around them? SD19 is always coming between DH and I. She is the apple of his eye. She can play dad really good. Our kids have never blended. Mine actually quit having a relationship with me for a little while when DH and I got together. Now we are back on track and talk every day. The last thing I want to do is be flashing the skids all over social media just to appease DH and then upset my kids. It would be one thing if that relationship with the skids were there, but it would purely be to make DH happy and it's fake.  Like I said, I can't do anythig right when it comes to the skids. We were just riding down the road and I made a comment about someone we had just met friending me and it turned into well they will think my kids don't exist because your kids are plastered all over your FB and mine aren't. Is this so wrong?


twoviewpoints's picture

You do only have two children.  

If your Dh wants to see his two plastered all over social media, he can do it on his page. Are your two up flashing all over Dh's social media? 

You could always just block your DH, Lol. 

Happycamper's picture

My DH doesn't even have social media LOL. It's like he's always "fighting" for hid kids rights.  For example, our neighborhood puts up a banner every year with the name of the high school grads. My daughter's name wasn't on it. Was I upset? No because she doesn't live with us. When SD19 graduated he was like, why wasn't her name on the banner? Who cares?!? She doesn't live there!!! It's like he wants me flaunting his kids even though they don't even associate with me unless dad is there!

Winterglow's picture

"My DH doesn't even have social media "

And there you have it. If he wants pics of his kids on facebook or elesewhere, it's up to him to create his own account. Your account is not a joint account and you can (and should) post whatever you happen to want.


SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

“Yeah? I do only have two children, whom I never see because of you, asshole!”

Block his demonspawn.

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

Social media is for me and only contains what I enjoy. I am not friends with skids on social media nor would I ever be. Don't need the spying eyes bullshit. 

If I were in your shoes I would just respond with uh huh and do whatever I want.

After years of step life I have found not engaging in these type of conversations to be the only thing that works.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

same here.

 I never post pics of demonspawn and my DH doesn’t say shit about that!

ITB2012's picture

Dont show him your feed. If he wants to plaster them all over, that’s his prerogative. 

When we were about a year into being married DH was on me about something public facing. I asked him what about him and DS? He didn’t know what I meant. I always have introduced my skids as my skids. DH, until I pointed it out and how it removes him from the relationship, always introduced DS as my son and not as his skid. 

Jcksjj's picture mom started dating her longtime boyfriend when I was 15 so they've now been together 15 years, so I might as well be an adult skid. He doesnt have any pictures of any of us on his Facebook, even though I get along with him fine. Actually my own parents really mostly have pictures of the grandkids. I think as the kids get older you start posting less of that stuff even as a bio parent...his expectations are a little off. Also, like others have said you do only have 2 kids, you arent a mother figure to his adult and nearly adult kids.

Hes probably like my husband and just wishes that you were their real mommy and wants the one big happy family with you completely replacing the ex, which is impossible.

shamds's picture

only time ss is in a pic is when we do a family new yrs pic.

i do not post pics of sd’s at all. 

99% of the time any family pics for new yrs i tend to post pics of hubby, me, our 2 kids and my dad. 

Ss tends to ruin the pic leaning in a weird position, or we’re all in traditional clothing as we’re asian and ss tshirt is peeking through.

i don’t want to post pics of skids because they’ve made it well known we aren’t family and so they don’t have the privilege of being on my facebook

always_anxious's picture

This sounds like nonsense. Its facebook. DH needs to occupy his time with something more significant and stop worrying about what other people do and see on facebook. Its nitpicking a fight. He's using it to criticize you on a larger issue that is bothering him. So he just should say what it is. 

piegirl's picture

I deleted the OSD (along with her DH and MIL)  from social media after a 3 hour berating session she dished out on DH and myself. Apparently that was nasty of me....LOL. The YSD's have never responded to my initial social media friend request made about 7 years ago!! They've made it pretty clear what I (don't) mean to them, I just had the guts to do something about it!