Update on SD19 moving in...husband always to her rescue
SD had asked DH to move in with us this summer. I told him that was a bad idea.I told DH my feelings on everything. I have never been allowed to "parent" the skids when they are over...down to asking them to pick up a dish so I know this would be bad. SD19 does NOT like to work. She is a lazy child. He sort of "tabled" it for now. I literally haven't even been around SD19 until this weekend. We picked her up to hand out with us. It ended up being a disaster for me. First of all, we are hoping to move in the near future to another state. SD mentions when she finishes school, she will apply for jobs where we are moving. WHAT? This was news to me. I just kept my mouth shut. She has a part time job where she may work 3 days a week. The kid hates to work. Last summer she quit her job to enjoy her summer. She tells us that she's going to cut back her hours to enjoy her summer. I chimed in and said that she needs to work as many hours as she can and bank her money for school and expenses. She says that she makes enough money. After we drop her off, DH lights into me. We have a knock down drag out fight because I said that to her. He said she immediately became disengaged and looked at the window. I'm sorry that she didn't like what I had to say about reality!!! She definitely isn't coming to live with me and not work and us pay her bills while she lays around! I told DH she can never move in with us because she would be the end of our marriage. He responds with I can't say she can never move in. Really??? He then critiques me. I always get critiqued with how I conversate with the kids. He said I "drilled" her because I asked her what courses what was taking next semester. He doesn't ask any school questions. He basically stays out of the way of conversations like that. I don't find that drillig, I thought I was showing interest in what she was doing. Anyway, I always have to walk on egg shells around the skids and I'm so very over it. At this point I could care less if I spent another minute with them because I'm constantly being judged and it's just not right. This second marriage crap is hard!
still?
I read through your background. This is par for the course with your husband. Literally, unless you keep a smile on your face and say nothing to his children other than "what can I make for dinner", then he is going to find fault in everything you do when it comes to them. This is beyond Disney Dad - he has a real problem.
But so do you. You've been at a crossroads for a while. SD19 is a disaster and your DH is ensuring that she stays that way. Nothing is going to change their dynamic. If you stay and let her move in, your life is going to be a nightmare, more so than it already is when she's around. If you refuse to let her move in, your DH is going to take it out on you and spend a lot more time with SD one on one.
Do you really want to stay in this?
I guess it is a lose, lose
I guess it is a lose, lose situation. I kind of felt that when I finally told him she will never move in because the only time we argue, it's about her! I told him it would be the end of our marriage and he still says, you can't say she can never move in. I guess time will tell how it all ends up, but if he wants her to move in, I guess I will have to tell him to go find an apartment to live with her in.
my SD19 moved in almost a
my SD19 moved in almost a year ago. Husband and I are heading to couples therapy Monday. So speak up...
No good will come of it trust me
Yes if he moves her in, even if he promises it will be different, he'll be different , its all a lie.
My husband said the same thing. Skid24 did not follow the rules, was rude, disrespectful and I was not allowed to have a say in my own home once again.
I had the talk prior to move in with my husband, how his kid can’t run the show, how I should not be expected to walk on eggs shells and how the rules need to be enforced. He listen and agreed but as soon as skid move in, my feelings did not matter.
It caused many fights and I have a lot of resentment, almost ended our marriage. After 4.5 months, skid had a major tantrum and moved out. Now we will have another fight because I just changed the locks.
WOW, Figuring it out takes time!
"Here we go again" should be our theme song?? She's BACK, I think this is the 3rd time..but not really 100% sure. Exactly as I predicted its hitting our marriage right in the kisser. (and not in the fun way). Yet as I get older the way I think about this entire situation has changed. Now its just a waiting game, my BD is graduating soon & she is off to higher learning & so is mama. I'm off to see everything! I was personally a emotional wreck due to my job (I hate my boss) so much so that I had to go to the doc and get meds to help, this is the 1st time I've ever felt as tho I needed medication to help me cope w/my own life. Im over 40 years old .. I know, I know, this is so crazy reading what I'm saying to you all. What a fool I am? But it gets better.. Then the SD moves in. I spoke to HD and said it was going to ruin us, among other things and it hasn't even taken 2 months. We never argued in the past, now we argue every morning & then the rest of the time walk around like we are giving one another the silent treatment. I actually called him a coward this morning. I have NEVER saw him as a coward, matter of fact he was always my "big strong man". Ha, ha. Jokes on me again. I found out she texts him while he's at work telling him things like I'm rude for waking her this morning & if it keeps up she will just go live in her car. BTW, the car that she is driving that is in my name and she is driving it w/o insurance. I signed off the title she just won't go get it done. OH YEAH its cuz she has no insurance. Daddy doesn't say a word. So she got a free car, lives for free, I cook dinner, ect. And she can say that I was rude by waking her the other morning over laundry? NEWS FLASH its MY house I can yell about any damn thing I want to, whenever I want to! So I have immediately stopped everything. I'm not cooking for anyone! I am not a maid.. matter of fact she should be asking & offering to help since she is living in our home for nothing. She doesn't by TP, Laudry supplies, nada. My mom has been staying w/ a friend to help out & I told my husband I was going to stay over there for a few days. He said ya, you told me. I'm not threatening to leave or anything I just want to avoid ...well everything. I don't want to argue and send glares at each other. I used to look forward to our future.. now I could cry because its not so futury around my house anymore. I'm so sorry all of you have to feel the same pain I have had to feel. It hurts for many reasons.. I thought my husband loved and respected me as much as I do him. #2 just plain ol' heart ache #3 just plain ol' hurt that seems to come from many things.
Don’t allow it
I have SD17 living with us full time. Big mistake. It will have untold consequences for your mental health and well-being, your marriage and the harmony of your home. Avoid at all costs.