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HCBM’s Mother’s Day alone

MorningMia's picture

Although BM is and always has been the driver behind the skids' god-awful behavior, the skids are well into adulthood, so I haven't given BM much thought over the past several years. In fact, when I learned a few years ago that she had been doing well financially, I thought, good--she should be ok in retirement. I noted her attempts at "buying" more "love" and devotion (kind of sealing the deal)  from the now-grown skids, but, well, it didn't surprise me, so it was just another thing.

But let me back up: BM had an affair with a married man, threw DH out, and without DH's ok, moved the skids to another state with the married man. DH then moved to another state where he had family. BM and married lover split up, so BM moves back home. DH has left, so she tells the skids he abandoned all of them. She drilled that into their heads and they were all repeating the lie publicly as recently as 4 years ago. It is the biggest accusation DH has had to defend himself against. Ridiculous.

Meanwhile, BM decides she wants control over DH and actively intrudes into his relationships with two other women. She doesn't date. She hasn't dated in about 20 years. Yes, she did speak with DH about reconciling. She also acted to the skids as if she gave up dating for them; she was sacrificing for them. They owed her. 

I enter the picture and our marriage sent her spiraling. I cannot begin to describe the horrible behavior we dealt with. Our marriage, which she was set on destroying, only survived because I backed her up at the two year mark and we went to marriage counseling. It was around that time that BM began demanding pure total devotion and public displays of worship from the skids. Pure enmeshment. Skids became her peers and confidantes. After SS would visit us, he'd run home and immediately change his FB profile picture to him and mommy cheek-to-cheek. Skids have acknowledged perhaps twice on social media that they have a father. Me? Ha! SS and I were ok for a while, but that came to a screeching halt. I figured Mommy had a talk with him. "Don't blow our public cover that you all were abandoned and your sm is a demon."

BM and skids especially liked to use holidays to send jabs to punish us, and there were some very hurtful Christmases and Fathers Days where DH heard nothing. Skids didn't even acknowledge DH's 2023 life threatening health crisis publicly (that's when I cut off from them on social media). BUT every Mothers Day has been over-the-top Mommy Worship Day to an extreme like nothing I've seen. Paragraphs about Wonder Mommy. Mommy and Me pics galore. I told DH no wonder SS, in his 30s, has yet to have a lasting relationship with any woman. 

So, it's interesting that I heard from DH that SS told him that BM has no friends and basically works, comes home, and doesn't associate with anyone. Skids are her life. She is them and they are her. But SS is traveling and SD and her family moved to the planned Walton Family Compoundland, where BM was to join them last month, but she has had no luck selling her house. No one is traveling for Mothers Day.

While I'm sure there will be the Mommy Worship social media posts tomorrow, which I will not see, this will be the first Mother's Day in over 30 years that BM is not with her kids. There will be no pictures of the worship activities to prove to the world how happy "the fam," as they refer their unit, is. She will be alone. That has got to hit hard. I honestly don't wish bad things on her (I admit I used to). It's just strange that for this one day that has been more important to her than Christmas, New Year's, and her birthday combined, she will experience what she always wanted so much for us. 






Lillywy00's picture

every Mothers Day has been over-the-top Mommy Worship Day to an extreme like nothing I've seen. Paragraphs about Wonder Mommy. Mommy and Me pics galore. 


Lillywy00's picture

My ex skids demanded to bring their domestic t3rroristic glory to my what was supposed to be peaceful relaxing Mother's Day then forced my ex to take them shopping ... not to celebrate me for putting up with their disrespect, for providing for them despite said disrespect, for giving up my space/freedom/peace/organized clean home by allowing them to have respite from their breeder during her parenting times but to celebrate (and spend our household money) on a trifling c*nt who dumped them off on Mother's Day when most mothers are spending at least some time with their kids on MD. 

In my mind I'm thinking 

  1. Go on a rampage against this dude for spending any money on this heifer that is not court ordered child support 
  2. If skids want to do over the top Breeder that ish over there at her house ... 
  3. Anyone who lands in Lilly's home on Mother's Day will be celebrating Lilly as a mother figure who has sacrificed, provided, assisted, etc
  4. If you don't like it then stay with your breeder where you belong on Mothers Day

Harry's picture

He married and had kids with his ex.  That was his prize .  He had time to form or not form a relationship with his kids. He had time to parent them.  He let them walk all over him and you.  And basically this is what you are getting.   You should disengage from SK.  They don't like you, you just don't bother .

MorningMia's picture

We're good. The majority of the BS is in the past (skids are still living on the outskirts of my life, like dark looming clouds) and I was fully aware of DH's role in the whole mess. I've been mostly disengaged for years--didn't even see SD for 7 years--and since late last year I'm fully and finally disengaged. Skids are never again allowed in our home. Just noting that karma has come to bite toxic BM in the azz. What she tried so hard for us to experience (holidays "alone" with no skids--is that really a punishment?) she gets to experience. And we had nothing to do with it. 

Lillywy00's picture

Let me say I know the feeling 100%

The only thing worse than a neurotic manipulative jealous ex is a bumbling "clueless" head-in-the-sand Disneyland dad who enables the behavior and allows the disruptions into his new marriage. 

thinkthrice's picture

Word for word off the same script here except that the BM in my case immediately ran out and got married to a sugar daddy.  She says "jump" and he asks "how high?"

MorningMia's picture

Isn't it amazing how similar so many of our stories are? DH used to do exactly that: How high may I jump for you, woman who tried to destroy my life? WHAT?! He was so afraid of her, like he was under a spell or something (I have always referred to her as a cult leader esp with the skids). On the other end of it, I've known noncustodial dads who super-challenged HCBMs (in the court system) and ended up tens of thousands in debt with nothing to show for it except ramped up PASing. Our family justice system hasn't been historically supportive of dads. 

Our counselor gave us the rules of the road for dealing with someone with borderline personality disorder. It was very helpful. And, as I've mentioned before, extremely beneficial to get that third party advice for an unsure husband feeling pulled in various directions. 

advice.only2's picture

I’m not a huge fan of Mother’s or Father’s day and I became less of one when I was raising somebody else’s kid for them and getting told repeatedly by said kid and her meth mother that I wasn’t real family and definitely wasn’t a real mom, even though I have my own bios.  Thankfully I have Spawn and Meth Mouth blocked so I don’t need to see their pathetic need to validate one another one day out of the year.

Rags's picture

I am of the mind that rather than defend himself against the lies, DH needs to post a SNIP of his divorce order and the divorce court recorder notes any time the bullshit surfaces. Bare BM's lying ass with the clear and brutal facts that she cheated, who she cheated with, that she kidnapped the SKids, that she is the one that abandoned the family. Keep pointing it out to the Skids that mommy is full of shit, a cheating whore, and a PASing manipulator.

Lather.... rinse... repeat.\

Yes, I have issues with cheaters. My XW was one. Our whole engagement and our entire blessedly short and non baggage creating marriage.  Her family knows, her friends know, and she keeps a very low profile because the facts do not support her facade of quality.  My XILs keep a very low profile as well. After both of their daughters are serially married good Catholic girls (my XW with 3 all out of wedlock spawn by two different baby daddies), and my XMIL is a convicted federal felon, former prison inmate.

No tolerance, complete publication of the facts. When they block, create a dummy profile and do it again when the blather surfaces.

If they are going to sniff mommy's ass, they need to experience the full factual stench of that choice.

IMHO of course.


MorningMia's picture

DH has done this time and time again--oddly, always at the skids' prodding (read: their accusations): 
"Why did you abandon us?"
"Why did you leave us?" 
"Why did you leave Mom?"
"You promised you would always love Mom."

By the time they were (confrontational) teenagers, DH began telling them the real story. Skids get upset. They feel angry at Mom. They go home to Mom and confront her (yet again) and SOMEHOW the cult leader B turns the entire story upside down and around and skids get mad at DH (again). Over and over again. SS has screamed at DH: "Mom did not do that!!!" 

As you say, lather, rinse, repeat. 

The skids are cult members. No amount of evidence convinces them and THEY WERE THERE (DH will point it out --"Remember when. . . ."  BM took the skids and moved in with the boyfriend after she threw DH out). This woman has built her life for the past 25 years on lies, from her phony-a church persona to, back in the day, pretending she didn't know DH in public (after pursuing and pursuing and pursuing and insisting that he come see the kids and they all go out to eat or whatever together, she'd pretend she didn't know DH if they ran into someone she knew) because of all the public lies she had told about him. I witnessed this once myself.  And I saw it and felt it at SD's wedding. 

Lather, rinse . . . let the filth go down the drain.