Oooo I understand 100%. I have a lot of wooden antique furniture and I have literally beat it into DH's head that you can't put water on any of it. No drinks without coasters, no wet towels or dish rags etc. Thankfully he gets it and also wants to keep things nice around here so it's not a battle but at first he was clueless. Time for your DH to buy you a new bench to replace the one he ruined. Dig your heels in. Let him know how much those pieces mean to you and how upset you are. You have the right to be hurt when something you paid a lot for and cherish is ruined by thoughtlessness. Or just flat out tell him he needs to replace it for you. That's what I tell my DH when he's about to do something stupid.

Also you are again right, that comment was BS. 

I would be livid. It's not even boundaries it's about parenting. My 3 year old knows where things go and can follow directions. skids learn early on that they don't have rules and don't have to listen.

How is it that your furniture got ruined and somehow your husband makes himself the victim. The only thing he's a victim of is not parenting.

What a childish man.

I know you are doing your best to try and save your marrige. But, is it worth it? Is he really trying his best? If he is, then idk if it's worth wasting any more time. 

Halo, it's been a while since I took a road trip.  How's about I gas up my trusty Volvo, buy some snacks and make my way to your place?  I'll help you shove the bench up your DH's a$$ and then we can hit happy hour.  My treat.

Sounds like your DuH owes you a new bench. Make sure that happens. Hitting idiots in the wallet is sometimes the only way they learn.

occasion.

It is a monumental effort for me to step back, let DW vent and adjust, then address later.... if absolutely necessary.

I am learning that when I give her that time and space, often we can engage later in a much calmer manner or even retire the event as a none issue.

However, I have so far avoided destroying expensive hand made Oak furniture.

Knock on wood.

Good. I'm glad you called him out. Keep it up. He needs to grow up.

My Mr likes to use the line "I was just trying to have a conversation. I guess I won't try to discuss things with you any more" when he knows he took a crap with his words and ignited my temper. You'd think that they would learn from past instances but then they have to go to their usual and at shocked when it no longer works. 

What do you think about buying her a water resistant bag that would "contain" the water and chlorine?

Or.. find out how much it costs to refinish the pieces.. and give your DH a bill?!!

If I kept finding a wet bag , I'd leave it somewhere safe but inconveniencing SD with it.  Let that stuff rot, it's her bag and if it is that important to her , then she should learn from not taking care of it.  I had 4 ADD  kids in my home so I didn't have time to mess around with situations like this.   She's obviously going to do it again, then what?  In addition to dealing DH some logical consequences for pissing you off, what's HIS plan  dealing with the wet bag??  

I would sit them both down and tellthem exactly where you want her things to go and tellthem that if you ever see it somewhere else you willthrow it away. I would also make DH pay for fixing the furniture.

I have a toybox that was mine as a baby. I am 56 years old and I still have ti! I love it but it is (well was) very fragile and I joked that it was held together by bubble gum. What did SD do one night about a year ago? She went into the dining room and sits on it. (She never ever goes in there) Well it bascially fell apart. I was pissed!!! Of course DH didnt want to admit that it was SD's fault but he went and fixed it. He actually put it back together 10 times better then it had ever been! If he hadnt been a  handy man I would have made him pay to get it fixed. Thats what he has do with an old can chair I have from my grandmother. I now SDalso sat on that but DH siad he had put something onit. I knew he was bullshitting me becuase I know Sd comes into the office when hes working and sits down to talk to him. She sat on it instead of the big upholstered chair int here and the cane bottom broke apart. He cant fix that so I ma makinghim bring it somewhere to be fixed.

And I'm confused. What did he need to to talk to you about?

I want to know what is the solution to this? I am dealing with a similar issue....I have a brand new couch in a study that I allowed the children to use to get privacy for calls or watch tv in the study. The couch now has a hole in it due to smoking + i found a smoking stuff in between the couch cushions. This has now been going on for 3 years....I put up signs and also asked the children but they disregarded what i said constantly. When I found the smoke stuff, I told my husband that they were no longer allowed in the study and would have to use the living room and do wtv they want on his old used couch. He yelled at me and told me to donate my couch or keep it in storage if his children couldnt use it. He also said that his children should be allowed to use the entire house as they please and that it is normal for children to not follow rules and everyone has done it at once even me. I told him he was a poor parent and the difference is that when children are caught, there needs to be consequences. We are now at odds and not on speaking terms and the children are coming and they are going to use my furniture again and if I say anything, it will be another blow up

Seriously what is the resolution? I have stopped buying nice things and gave up on having my own home decor. The only thing I am still hanging on to is the couch and the tv....

Husband who refuse to parent and consistently have their children damage your property definitely will lead to divorce

Blame the victim.   Done by juvenile, immature and narcissistic individuals.  Chef ALWAYS tries to turn it around on me and somehow it's NEVER his fault but ALWAYS my fault.   It's like a reflex reaction!

That "pissy" comment proves he thinks you're too "fault finding" (you're not) and that he's really not sorry. 

It's DH kid. It's his responsibility to fix or replace the bench.  That simple.   Let him start looking for wood refinishing people to try to do the repair. 

Front porch or backyard. When either hubby or sd chucks a hissy fit just state the obvious, its sopping wet and clearly they both don't give a crap so until she learns to wash her swimwear immediately and stops being a lazy twat, outside is where the bag belongs