Nothing is going to change.  That there will never be the monument were DH see the light.  You know that.  I think your therapist is doing you a disservice by now making you understand where you are at in life , and what you want out off your life .

I hope the therapy is helping you and giving you the chance to really evaluate what you want in the long run.  I used to tell Spawn she needed to get out of our town and away from her parents when she graduated high school.  I told her you have two toxic parents who haven’t done you any favors, you would be smart to get away from them.  She did for a while, but then came back and is right back enmeshed with Meth Mouth.  As for your DH if you left tomorrow do you think he would already have somebody on back up that he would just get involved with? 

Reign in your overreactions???? Bwahahahaha! If anything you have underreacted to your DH's shenanigans and the aggravation, burdens and difficulty he and his failed family add to your life. Many of us would be long gone.  You are too good and giving.

Halo, you have poured blood, sweat and tears into this relationship and your DH's disfunctional kids.  Between their shenangans, your DH's online carries on, you having to carry the load of therapy, you carrying 100% of the household mental labour to compensate for his ADHD and working a completely ridiculously stressful job to keep everyone afloat financially, you would be well within your rights to tell them all to kick rocks.  Please make some space in your life for you even if it is just a spa morning (if that's your thing).

I've missed your funny, heartfelt posts.  

I related to your comment about DH wanting you to be a robot.  My DH wants me to be a robot, too.  He tells me what to say to people, what to do.  I usually ignore him but sometimes TRY to explain why I disagree but he doesn't get it.  His dream robot would be a nymphomaniac nurse who owns a bar.

As far as your SD goes, I'd consider lies about where she is going as par for the course for teens.  At least it was to see her mom, not many other undesirable destinations I can think of.  It's annoying to you but I'd pick my battles.

All the best to you, Halo.

Sounds exactly what Chef would like too.  Thank goodness the World Economic Forum wants to replace humans with AI robotics.  A lot less on my plate.

 *biggrin*

I've always thought that you can't demand honesty when you aren't honest yourself. Sure it sounds great to say but many of these men (and yes, women too but we're talking men now) want their wives/partners to be honest but they aren't willing to be honest themselves. 

Halo, is your DH doing any of the work here? Is he in therapy? Is he seeing his own destructive behaviors? Is he evaluating what HE wants?

DH's therapist made it clear to my DH that there is never a time that I can't ask a genuine question about his past indiscretions. That was a condition that both our therapists recommended. It makes me feel less crazy knowing that there is no expected timeframe. And he has to face the pain that I still feel some days.

If he's not doing his work, he's going to be surprised if you decide to move on with your life. That's when he'll make All The Promises. And it will be too late. 

A therapist once told me I had "an overdeveloped sense of fair play". This was because I expected others to display the same level of honesty and integrity as me. Then pathological liar YSD came to live with us, and I learned some hard lessons about human nature. For example, I had to get selfish, because nobody else will look out for me as well as I can.

Your H lies to himself A LOT. So does mine. At a certain point, we have to just let go of their poo and do what's best for us. Like with his daughter - that script was written long ago, and there's nothing you can do to change it. LET IT GOOOO.  

Taking care of one's self is not selfish.  Holding people accountable for being lying POS, cheating, ill behaved, asshats, is not mean.  Regardless of why they are or how old they may be.

I am an eternal optimist wrapped in a level of trust that people will do the right thing, though that all is tempered with a heavy penchant for pragmatism and heavily scarred by life experience.

I also believe that forgiveness is earned and those poised to forgive should demand that it is earned. Even when granted, it has to be continually earned.  The one doing the forgiving should demand that and defend that hill.  I could not forgive cheating.  I would struggle to forgive a mate who would not defend a marriage and their mate from any disrespect.  Particularly from an X, a Skid, a family member on either side of the IL boundary, etc......

One thing I learned in my marriage counseling then personal therapy journey during the demise of my first marriage and my post XW departure recovery is .....  doing the work with a therapist while the asshat primarily responsible for me being in therapy doing nothing  is not acceptable to me.  As soon as that happens, I am done, they are done, and my interest in recovering that relationship goes permanenty to zero.  I did keep seeing the therapist. She was integral to me emerging from being a sullen defeated man of indeterminate age to a dynamic young man with a "childlike zest for life".  The words of my amazing therapist when she fired me and told me  that I was fine and to get on with my life.  She told me that if anyone had told her that the person who came to session 9mos before was the me at our last session she would have "called them crazy".

Take care of you. Tolerate no crap. Keep your foot up DH's ass.  I would do all three.