Today, I received an invitation to a bridal shower. We talk about ‘triggers’ on ST and this invite brought me back to an incident nearly 20 years ago.
My husband’s ex-wife, although a loving mother to her son and daughter, was unreasonably hateful to her ex, my uxorious, handsome, tolerant, generous and kind husband.
Hey, what yon crazy bitch threw away, this grateful woman embraced with vast enthusiasm. Keeping in mind that, on top of his other virtues (well employed, able to fix anything), my husband could kiss for Canada if smooches were an Olympic sport.
The ex-wife, clearly unthankful for phenomenal canoodles, preferred to take up with an Italian lover. He was a serial cheater and the affair was short lived; she returned to bar-hopping and her life of fun.
When my husband and I began to date, the ex-wife, that old story, decided to play the ‘dog in the manger’. She was so awful! She played PAS to the degree that her son, a brilliant lad of fifteen and his father’s child (who liked me from the get-go), rejected the 50/50 coparenting and insisted upon staying with us full time. As can be imagined, this decision enraged the ex-wife. Despite my continuing politeness on all of her phone calls, she was unremittingly abusive; always hung up with a BANG after I’d provided whatever information she’d demanded.
Following a fierce (and physical) fracas between my stepdaughter and me, the teen resided with her mom, exclusively, for six months. Finally, her mother decided that the loss of her free week of childless partying was not to be endured and my stepdaughter returned with an improved attitude.
Years went by and my beloved stepson became engaged to a lovely, bright and successful young woman. I received no information regarding my step-daughter-in-law’s bridal shower until I received a ‘thank-you’ mail addressed to my very unusual last name. My husband’s ex-wife hadn’t changed that name, despite the fact that she had been living with her current, adulterous lover for some years.
Unmistakeably, the mail had been intended for the ex-wife which made it clear that I, the innocent party in her unremitting hostilities, had been excluded from the shower. Dang! I felt like ‘ol Maleficent, uninvited to the event and ready to invoke a curse, nome sayin’?
How come the Great Bitch got to call the shots? My husband insists that, because I’m always accepting and kind, our daughter-in-law preferred to take the easy route. Hello, I’m the one who made the wedding cake, produced a generous amount of connoisseur, European eats for the bridal table and donated three grand to its coffers. I’m not claiming that my efforts towards my stepson should be transactional yet, after all these years, I’m still hurt at having been excluded from the shower. Not fair!
Time for some wisdom from ESMOD. Let’s hear it, Hon!