Raising step grandchildren
My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We met online (I'm from another country, English is my second language, sorry my grammar mistakes). We don't have children together. I have a son. He lives with us. My husband was always working so my son and I were always doing our own stuffs. My husband has two daughters, the youngest one has been a complete nightmare since I came to live here. She has been doing whatever she wants, and never has any consequences for her poor choices. Long story short, now SD has four children, the eldest one from a different man who she was dating, and after that she got married, thinking that she will keep her husband away from other women, she chose to have three more children. Her husband left her for another woman, and right after, SD left her children. The state got involved, and my husband’s ex-wife took the four children. After a year, the children were splitting two with my husband’s ex-wife and took with my husband and me. I work full time, go to college, and on my weekends I have to watch four children because my husband’s ex-wife works on weekends. Nonetheless, I hate my life. My husband was always working, and he promised me that soon he retired we will be having a normal life, doing things together, blah blah. Instead, here I’m raising his grandchildren, and all I got is his daughter’s attitude, and his ex-wife’s family involvement, bad mouthing and criticizing my life. I barely talk to my husband. I am very resentful. He always supported his daughter’s choices, gave her money, and bought things for her and the children. I did not say anything because it was his money and I did not care, but I always let him know that he should be able to say something about her and her choices, especially having so many children without any education or steady job. Off course, he never said anything to her beautiful princess. She used to say, “Dad you are my best friend.” She was always asking for more, more and more. He was an absolutely enabler, and she never showed any respect for anybody, especially me, and now my husband, his ex-wife and her family expected that I raised her children. Really??? Sorry, but I need to rant…
Rant away. You are in a
Rant away. You are in a precarious position. You are a long way from home and being treated like a nanny. You do know you can refuse to watch theses kids, right? Grandpa can put them in daycare. You are trying to better your life and I have the feeling it isn't so you can play mom to someone else's child.
I find the number of people
I find the number of people who allow themselves to be manipulated by their own toxic adult spawn who guilt them into raising their grandchildren to be pathetically alarming.
My SS-24's SpermClan is the poster gene pool for this crap. My SS-24's SpermIdiot has four out of wedlock spawn by three different baby mamas. My SS is his eldest and our only. The younger three have all been raised by SpermGrandHag with minimal participation of SpermGrandPa who refuses to be his son's brood father.
Our son finally called the SpermGrandParents and the SpermIdiot out on this about a year ago when on a rare SpermLand visit since becoming an adult. The SpermGrandParents were bitching about not being able to retire due to having to raise my SS's three younger SpermIdiot spawned half sibs. My kid blew his stack with them and told them that if they took the kids to the SpermIdiots and jerked a knot in his tail about stepping up and supporting and raising his own kids then they could retire immediately. The result was toothless mouth agape stunned silence from the SGPs. The SpermIdiot got lippy and my kid dissected him verbally pointing out how he is a useless POS dope head moron with no business having had any children much less 4. The DipShitIot just sat there through the Skid's harangue.
The prior visit was one where SS put his SpermIdiot against the wall and told him that if the youngest two boys were ever arrested again living out the SpermIdiots dream of being a gang banger while in possession of pot given to them by the SpermIdiot that my kid would return and beat his SpermIdiot to a bloody pulp.
Barring the death of the kids parents it is my opinion that grandparents should be grandparents and hold their own children accountable for raising their own children. If the kids are such wastes of parental flesh as to not step up then the GPs should consider finding appropriately aged parents to adopt the GPs with agreement that the GPs can have normal GP access to the kids.
Heaven forbid if I pulled this kind of crap on my own parents grand spawn. Both my mom and my dad would have me by the scruff of the neck keeping my nose to the grindstone in supporting and raising my own kids appropriately. More GPs could stand to keep a foot firmly applied to the ass of their useless adult spawn IMHO.
I feel for you, your DH, and your SGK's other GM. You may want to put all of your heads together and confront the BM and BioDad(s) on this crap. If they won't step up then you can at lease drag their useless asses to court and nail them for CS for every penny the will ever make.
Take care of you.
Good luck.
This is the absolute best
This is the absolute best response anyone could've given you when it comes to raising stepgrandkids OR grandkids in general. If your own kids refuse to raise their kids, it's time to confront them and let them know you'll be looking into child support at best, adoption at worst. Unfortunately it's the kids that struggle but it's not a grandparents job to raise your kids, ever.
Thank you for your advise, I
Thank you for your advise, I would love to do that, but my husband and his ex-wife are so scared to lose the children in the system! They will never be able to confront their daughter, and she takes advantage of the situation. I am getting used to the two children living with me full time, but when I have to watch the other two on my weekends, I feel miserable and exhausted!