Steptalking
Steptalk...a place to vent.
When I first found this site - I came on here and vented about my SD, called her few names, complained about my DH and called him a few names too. Thankfully, no one told me that I shouldn't have married my DH or that I hated my SD and that I was a terrible person with misplaced priorities.
Instead, users wrote me and told me how they had felt the same way, what worked for them in my situation and that I wasn't the selfish bitch that I felt I was.
I started reading other users blogs. I disagreed with a few and completely understood many. I gained insight and perspective about my situation and was able to understand my role as a SM. The users on this site helped me disengage from my DH's and SD's relationship and understand that I wasn't responsible for their relationship's failure or success. I also have begun to "get" the fact that my SD's behavior was shaped by poor parenting and PAS and I do have more sympathy for her than I use to.
It's been a process and I truly appreciate all the stories and experiences that users share here.
Thanks.
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Comments
Glynne, you are right on with
Glynne, you are right on with this one! "The users on this site helped me disengage from my DH's and SD's relationship and understand that I wasn't responsible for their relationship's failure or success. I also have begun to "get" the fact that my SD's behavior was shaped by poor parenting and PAS and I do have more sympathy for her than I use to."
Thank you!!!
I agree with what you said. I
I agree with what you said. I don't think anyone is coming here looking for someone to be their savior. Just a certain person seems to think they have that title.
Why can't it just be left at
Why can't it just be left at the fact that you agree? Why the need to throw in the personal attack? This is how crap gets started on all these posts.
Why are you so defensive when
Why are you so defensive when it comes to that poster? That is EXACTLY how I feel. There is nothing wrong with what I said, other than you don't like who I said it about.
I am not defensive when it
I am not defensive when it comes to any particular poster. I'm not a groupie. I don't have favorites. I have noticed, however, that there is a group of particular posters who continue to drag this stuff to post-after-post-after-post. Then you attack others for making personal attacks & baiting, etc. The issue I have with the comment you made is the fact that you feel the need to throw in the personal bash.
You are kidding me, right?
You are kidding me, right? That was a bash? How? There was nothing personal in that, I didn't call her a fool, or an old bag, like the name calling she does. I simply stated what I have observed, WITHOUT the name calling. You are reaching on this one.
i agree glynne.... i'm
i agree glynne.... i'm getting it, not so fast as others, but i have come leaps & bounds from what i have learned from others on this site!
I know for a fact Steptalk
I know for a fact Steptalk help saved my marriage and my life. Because of having a place to vent, I have a better relationship with my husband and my skids. AND I was able to quit paying for therapy! (Therapist told me ST was the best thing that happened to me!)
Thanks for the great blog,
Thanks for the great blog, Glynne...
And, I agree with you Last-Wife; this site really helped me to get a handle on LOTS of family issues. Sometimes you just have to LEARN to "stay out of things" (and it doesn't happen overnight), whether it be your SDs issues, your sister's issues, your OWN adult kid's issues.
Personally, I was always a "nurturer" (I've been a teacher for decades), and I always thought it was MY JOB to "fix things". I had to LEARN, and I thank all the wonderful people I met here, that sometimes people have to FIX THEIR OWN PROBLEMS. That is IS OK to say "I think I'll stay out of it" and not feel "guilty".
And, I don't anymore. It's been the most healthy experience ever for me, and like many of you, my marriage has never been better as well as my relationship with my OWN family. Disengaging doesn't mean you're a cold-hearted creep; you are actually letting others GROW and make their own choices.
Agreed, KK! (from one
Agreed, KK!
(from one teacher and "fixer" to another). ST helps me to realize that sometimes we can't "fix" these situations- we have to let go and live our own lives if we'rew going to stay sane. After all, we didn't create these people with their deep-seeded problems, so we should not be responsible for fixing them!
Plus, ST is a great place for meeting some super friends. Isn't that right, KK?!
Love ya, Girl!
You keep saying that members
You keep saying that members joining are probably just BM from Ivillage in a hostile takeover. In my opinion, it's making you seem quite paranoid. It looks like any of the posters you dislike are accused of either being men or evil BMs. It's weird.
Your logic that people from Ivillage are not welcome on this site is also very arrogant. It's almost like saying people who don't have many friends should not join social networking sites. What difference does it make??? How can you really be sure anybody on here is in fact a stepparent? Just take it for what it is...
I'm neither BM, nor SM and I have joined this site for my own personal reasons. In the amount of time I have been reading these topics, I have gained a different perspective on the world of blended families. Something that is very valuable to me.
WindX, unless you were a long
WindX, unless you were a long time lurker, you don't really have a clue why people say the things they do about Ivillage. There is a loooonnnggg history there. You also would have missed the massive shitstorm that hit this site a few months ago over the very same things you mentioned in your first paragraph.
I was around for that...and
I was around for that...and the one before that when a S-talk member went over there and started a shitstorm. If I'm not mistaken, we started engaging them first, so I can't really blame them for joining in on it. I stay out of it either way because I think it's silly. It's just silly also to keep accusing people of being undercover Ivillagers.
"Our slogan is "where
"Our slogan is "where stepparents come to vent", but that in no way means that we don't welcome anyone else. We welcome anyone who wants to contribute to this site in a constructive way, even if they aren't a parent at all. As long as you play by our rules, you're welcome!" (Copied from the FAQ section.)
Really, even if it were BM's from Ivillage, they are still welcome here according to the rules.
Completely agree, Glynne. I
Completely agree, Glynne. I have MUCH more perspective now. Besides coping much better with my DH and steps, I have also been reevaluating my own behavior with my adult BD. I appreciate differences of opinions here but there is no place for much of the negative and accusatory language we see. Venting is full of emotion, and far better here than unloading on our partners and steps, and I really value the space here to get a grip. Stepparenting is hard.