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Forgive and forget?

glynne's picture

Submitted by glynne on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 5:29pm

I don't think so! Brief history: I've disengaged from SD28 and DH & I haven't spoken to or interacted with BM since SD turned 18. BM worked hard to turn SD against DH and almost suceeded. We found out that BM told SD that DH gave her an STD and that is why she divorced DH. The truth is that BM was secretly engaged while married to DH, DH found out and they divorced. DH told SD the truth after she turned 21. During the times that we had to interact with BM it was hell. She is high drama, manipulative - finally after 1 too many times of being yelled at and hung up on - DH would have nothing to do with her.

Present day: SD had birthday party, she is now 28, BM was there and DH chose not to go. SD told BM that DH wouldn't attend the party because she was there. BM sends DH an email asking that they be friends and meet for coffee. DH shows it to me and asks me my opinion. Since I have disengaged from SD (she shares many of BM's traits) I told DH it was up to him but I don't think that being "friends" is an option. I suggested that he email her back saying that they could start by attending a function for the SD but meeting for coffee is not necessary and that he needs a 3rd party present whenever BM is around. This is what I do with SD to prevent "misunderstandings" about what I do or say around SD.

BM does not have a clue about the damage she has done to SD and now she wants to be friends for SD's sake? Unbelievable!

Comments

glynne's picture

Submitted by glynne on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 5:55pm

Totally agree with you HelpMeee.

By the way - love the name! I have completely disengaged from SD so it does not bother me that BM contacted DH. If DH meets with BM - SD must be there. That is what I suggested to DH. He did ask me if I would go and I said no and HELL NO so your reply made me laugh.

What completely confounds me is how clueless BM is about the damage that she caused. The woman threatened suicide in front of teenage SD more than 1 time. She would call and argue with DH, hang up, call back, get hysterical and hang up again. Then she would write these long ambling stream of consciouness letters - it was so bizarre.

I think that forgiveness is a good and positive action but only if the person you are forgiving is truly remorseful and will not repeat the behavior. We were so happy when SD turned 18 and we did not have to interact with BM anymore.

If DH wants to attend functions with SD while BM is there - I don't have a problem with it. I just want to be left out of it and I want DH to go into this with his eyes open and to protect himself from BM's lies and manipulations.