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DS6 problem need some advice

Gabriels Mom's picture

Okay so I don't want to come across as one of those parents that think their kid does no wrong because that is NOT the case.

DS6 goes to martial arts after care. Today the instructor came to me and said that a little boy told them that DS said some really nasty things. When confronted by the instructor and myself he denied it. No downward look he looked me straight in the eye and said he didn't say it. DS usually caves pretty quickly. Especially when confronted by DH. I don't know what to do. If he did it I want him to apologize to the child and he will lose his kindle and all tv/game privileges. If he didn't I don't want him to be punished for something he didn't do (he'll lose his belt for 3 days and have 1 strike of 3 against him)

The story I was given was basically my son just attacked this kid completely unprovoked. He said DS said "My dad is going to kill you, you bitch, motherfucker, bitch boy" Even if this kid was picking on DS I don't see him using foul language like that. If the roles were reversed I would have asked what DS did to the other kid.

My sister used to have an in home daycare and I asked her what she thought, she said she totally doesn't see DS using that kind of language.

What do you think? What should I do?


Gabriels Mom's picture

I'm not perfect. I occasionally curse. I seriously curbed the cursing when I was pregnant because I didn't want my kid to use foul language. I rarely hear DH curse. Do I think he's heard it in our home, yea sure. It's certainly not a regular occurrence.

According to the instructor this kid is perfect and NEVER gets into trouble, while DS's ADHD occasionally gets him a time out because he's a busy body. I pointed out (not in front of DS) that I do not think the fact that DS is a little hyper makes him a liar or someone who uses foul language.

Gabriels Mom's picture

I'm not denying he could have heard it from school or even at a friend's house. I'm guilty of slipping up and cursing at home sometimes. Hell, the kid that was bullying DS at the beginning of the school year called him some nasty names. I'm not saying it's impossible that DS used that language it just doesn't feel like him. Maybe I'm too close to it. He spends way more time at school and he doesn't have any issues there...

Gabriels Mom's picture

That's the thing...I'm not convinced he did it. Believe me if he did this I will punish him. I don't tolerate that kind of crap but I'm also not going to punish my kid for something he didn't do. It's this boy's word against DS's, no teacher or instructor heard or saw this and not just my child but I don't see any child just attacking someone without being provoked in any way. This kid says that DS was sitting on the mat and he sat down next to him and my son just verbally assaulted him. My kid LOVES other people. He's very social. I'm just having a hard time believing he did this AND when DH questioned him he swears he didn't say it.

twoviewpoints's picture

"My dad is going to kill you, you bitch, motherfucker, bitch boy"

It's the full sentence in its entirety that has me thinking this is something that has been heard and repeated from an older kid. Some older sibling or cousin. That or the kid doing the accusing has some pretty rough talking parents on a routine basis. The sentence isn't one typical for a six year without an older influence. This goes beyond a kid just tossing out a few cuss words such as he might hear parent use while angry or frustrated.

ETA.I meant to add if that situation doesn't describe your son, I would not be believing the story you're being spun.

hismineandours's picture

So no one overheard this exchange? Just that boys word against yours? Hmmm. You know your ds best - is cursing and lying things he's ever done? Does regularly? Does he threaten people? To me the story sounds false anyway- there are not many kids that would begin a cursing tirade at another because they sat down next to them.

I remember when my ds was 6- his teacher didn't like him. She was on like some sort of mission to label him as a bad child. She would call me and tell me things like he pushed a little girl down on the playground. Ds would deny and I'd go back to the teacher and question her and find out that this was something the girl reported- no one saw it. She tried to force him to write an apology note- I refused to allow him. Well, actually I allowed him to write I'm sorry that you fell at recess. Lol. I knew my kid and while he had faults the ones she was attributing to him were not correct.

He is 16 now. That year was the literally the only time he has ever gotten in trouble.

People are imperfect. Other kids make stuff up. The instructor may like that kid better than yours which makes him more likely to believe your ds is at fault.

I would have another talk with your ds- let him know you are trusting him on this one- thanking him for his honesty and letting him know how important that is and also how important it is for little boys to not talk that way to other little boys- and then leave it at that.

Maxwell09's picture

Maybe this makes me a Nazi parent but I would let the instructor decide the punishment for your kid. It happened on his time and if he believes the other boy then that's his call. If you don't think your kid did it then just give him a light punishment something harmless like no iPad/tablet. If he really didn't do it and you find out later that you punished him for no reason then you can apologize and teach him that people Make mistakes; that's better than not punishing him and him actually getting away with it if he did.

Honestly I would ask the coach to speak to the other kids parents and ask the coach punish both the boys. The exchange never should have happened, those were ugly words for a 6 year old conversation and I'm sure they could have both been doing something more productive to their martial arts lesson than cursing at each other.

Gabriels Mom's picture

The instructor wants to investigate more before he makes a decision but DS will lose his belt for three days. I'm not going to punish him because he's given no deceptive indicators. He looked me in the eye and told me he didn't say it. We discussed bad language and what the consequences are if I find out he's using bad language.

Gabriels Mom's picture

Nope in a room with a dozen students and 4 instructors no one saw or heard anything.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

Six years old do not talk like that if they've not been exposed to it. They don't come up with those words on their own. Booger face maybe but not bitch boy. That's something an older kid would say.