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I really don't know what part of this conversation aggravates me more...

Gabriels Mom's picture

DH called me yesterday when I was on my way home from work.

DH: Hey when did you buy these apples
ME: Yesterday. Why?
DH: Did you check them before you both them?
ME: For what? I make sure they are bruised or anything.
DH: When I came home there were 4 apples smashed in the driveway and SS said that he tried to eat an apple for snack but it was rotten so he threw it outside and then he said all of them were rotten.
ME: Uh huh. Do you actually believe that? 1. they most certainly NOT rotten because I took one to work with me and it was fine. 2. if they were bad why did he smash them into the ground? Why not just throw them in the trash?
DH: IDK he's a boy, they do things differently
ME: Uh huh. Well what was his excuse for me coming home and finding that he had smashed an entire bag of MY halos (no one eats them but me), some of which were smashed in the garage door. Were all of those bad also?
DH: *crickets* IDK maybe he's angry
ME: MAYBE you should try to find another therapist for him to talk to.
DH: Yea I'll call around on Monday. (It won't happen, this kid has been to numerous therapists over the last 5-6 years who he consistently tells that there is nothing wrong)
ME: Okay sounds like a plan
DH: Maybe he just has a hard time you know it was just me and him for so long.
ME: (very frustrated as I REALLY effin hate hearing that statement) No, DH you had him for the first 2 years of his life and then for 3 years you had him 50% of the time. We have been together for 7.5 years and DS is 6 years old. I would think at this point he has gotten over that "it used to be just me and dad" crap. (Maybe I'm wrong?)
DH: Well he's always asking for alone time with me. Seriously? then go do something with him. Every day he's with us he gets minimum of 2 hours alone with you. If he needs more than that (which I think they should go do whatever it is fathers and sons do) then PLAN SOMETHING.
DH: Why are you getting so upset?
ME: because this makes me feel like the two of you wish that DS and I weren't around because THAT can be arranged.(okay maybe I overreacted here. I probably shouldn't have said that but it really pisses me off when he says this. I shouldn't have to make myself and DS scarce whenever SS is there. It's my effin house too)
DH: You know that's not it.
ME: Really? Then why do you y'all hang out in the afternoon and when DS and I come home SS makes a beeline for his room and doesn't come out until dinner and then disappears back into his room after dinner?
DH: IDK why he does that.
ME: Fine, whatever, I'm at DS's daycare I'll see you when I get home.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO in response to this ridiculous conversation that I let get to me. When I got home I put DS in his room and let him watch some minding numbing cartoons and I stayed in the kitchen while dinner was cooking so DH and SS could continue to watch whatever ridiculousness they were watching on tv. Why did SS come in the kitchen 7 times? I actually counted. I wanted so badly to be mean and say "get out of here. I'm giving you your one on one time with your dad."

Then after we ate dinner guess where SS went? Yep, his room. I'm over it. In the beginning I could totally understand that he was used to being with just DH on DH's time. But it's been 7 years now. I don't mind if they go off and do something just the two of them but they NEVER go and do anything. I fail to see how this is my fault. If they want to sit around on their butts and play video games then they should just tell me and I will gladly take DS and go do something without them. I want to be sensitive to his needs, I do, but I don't know what he needs at this point.


Gabriels Mom's picture

No I should have said something but I'm tired of always b*tching about stuff. It's like every day. I constantly b*tch. He doesn't clean up after himself, leaves cabinet doors and drawers open (idk why that seriously ticks me off but it does) he never washes his clothes, he's a very negative person (so is BM) I love him but I don't want to deal with the crap.

I went off over the halos. I don't know what DH said about the apples. I didn't ask.

Gabriels Mom's picture

I've done that and it only works for a little while. I'm tired of having to do that. I don't like to yell.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

^^^Absolutely agree with HnT.

Who the hell cleans up the mess that brat makes? I'd have him scrubbing the driveway with a toothbrush.

It's so frustrating when these guilty parents won't parent, isn't it?

Gabriels Mom's picture

LOL sorry I was trying to relay the conversation exactly as it was but I didn't think without any background info some of it wouldn't make sense. My therapy suggestion was related to DH's observation that SS is angry. And the fact that I don't think SS knows how to deal with feelings. Over the years there have been times where SS has displayed some behavior that I feel are signs of suppressed anger. In response we've taken him to therapists. He has spent months just telling the therapist that nothing is wrong or shrugging whenever they ask a question. I don't know why he's so resistant.

Gabriels Mom's picture

DH does punish SS, some times he can be kind of a disney dad. He might have made SS clean up the apples or he might of done it. I just know they weren't in the driveway when I got home. I didn't mention it because I don't know who cleaned it up. When I found the halos I went off and probably looked like a crazy person hollerin in the driveway and I made him clean it up.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Its been seven years!!!!!

Your DH is being an ass.

SD said this to me the other day, "I am still getting use to someone new." referring to me. She will be 14 next month. I said "Give me a break. I have know you since you were 9 and you have been living with me full time since 10 and a half."

Not playing THAT game anymore.

learningallthetime's picture

Your DH is full of crap. Kids are not going to remember when they were tiny. Case in point: BS8 was 3 (nearly 4) - I up and ran from ex and took him to England for 18 months. After 18 months I came back (more fool me), lived with ex again from Dec 2010-May 2012. We split for good. Been me and BS, then BS and ex and his family, with a 50/50 split since then, so almost 3 years.

Both ex and I moved after the split. BS8 does remember us being together, and has some memories of us, all seem to be post my return. He barely remembers his 18 months in England, and in fact most seems to be "dad says you took me away", and he has vague memories of his cousins in England. Anything prior to that he has no clue about.

Kids live in the now, have no concept of time. Sure, they may remember big things and feelings, but this is your DHs guilt speaking, and him making excuses for a 7 year old being a brat.