Standing My Ground
Last summer I banned SD15 from my home and told DH she couldn’t return until she fulfills a list of very sensible requirements: apologize to me and my son for her actions, sign a Home Rules Contract and act like she wants to be part of our family. SD absolutely refused to do any of these and has been living with her aunt & uncle in another state ever since.
DH’s 92 year old grandmother will be in town next month, and DH wants to invite his daughter to come visit for the weekend while she’s here. To me this seems like a perfect opportunity for him to put his foot down and force her to comply with my list of requirements. But of course not! His Daddy Guilt won’t let him actually see what a hateful brat his daughter is and do what is necessary to teach her to be respectful and to behave.
I tried to explain this to him tonight, but he blew up and told me to forget the whole Home Rules Contract or the apology and let SD come here with a clean slate. He doesn’t want me to give her a hard time and wants me to try to make everything work, avoid arguments and pretend everything is fine (i.e. bend over backwards to kiss SD’s ass so she doesn’t cause problems).
Both DH and I know exactly what SD’s reaction will be if he puts his foot down - she won’t come unless he drags her kicking and screaming and she’ll be a brat the whole time she’s here and ruin his grandmother’s visit.
SD has only met her great-grandmother a few times and she doesn’t care about anyone in DH’s family. So this unfortunately isn’t motivation for her to behave and follow the rules so she can see her great-grandmother (for possibly the last time).
His grandmother lives on the other side of the country and refuses to fly because of the TSA screenings with her artificial hip and pacemaker (she’s taking Amtrak). She’s staying with
DH’s sister for several weeks, and then coming up here to visit.
DH is the only one who even wants that brat here. I highly doubt anyone in his family wants SD15 here and to be reminded DH has a f’d up illegitimate mistake who is an embarrassment to their whole family.
I’m not backing down on this. SD is not coming into my home unless it is crawling on her hands and knees and begging my forgiveness.