You are here

Skids from Non-Committed Relationships & One Night Stands

frustrated-mom's picture

I keep seeing the trend that the major problem skids are the ones from these types of relationships not divorce. They weren’t born into a two parent home which means they’re completely messed up from the start. It’s the skids who poop all over themselves, lie, cheat, steal, do drugs and ruin stepfamilies.

But it is not the normal skid problems of being upset over their parents divorce. There was no intact family. Their parents never lived together. They don’t even know what an intact family is.

What people don’t understand is these kids have no sense of family, no respect for parents or marriage and entirely narcissistic and only care about themselves. These kids will never, ever work out in a stepfamily situation. My words of wisdom are - if you dating a guy with a kid like this, run as fast as you can.

The goodie-goodies are going to say all you need is love to fix kids like this, but they just don’t get it. These kids don’t want an intact, two parent family.

My (soon to be former) SD was actively trying to break stb-xH and I up, encouraging her half-brothers (same dad, different BM) to be pains in the ass and not cooperate with the custody agreement and telling them to refuse to see their dad and complain to their mom about me.

Why? She didn’t want her “parents” back together. She hasn’t seen her mom in nearly 10 years. She didn’t want her dad all to herself. She hates him and wants nothing to do with him. IMO, she just wanted to destroy a normal family for the sake of it.

For those that don’t recall, my (soon to be former) SD was the result of a casual hookup her dad (stb-xH) had with her BM as a teenager. BM lied and said she was taking birth control and stb-xH got a letter a year and a half later saying he needed to take a DNA test with a bunch of other guys because BM was on public assistance. Unfortunately, he “won”.

All three of BM’s kids have different fathers. Only SD15‘s father had anything to do with his child. When BM had her kids taken away because of abuse and put in emergency foster care, stb-xH’s was the only one of the dads that showed up. And her half-siblings hold a grudge about this - she actually has a dad and that’s a bad thing to them.

Not to gloat, but I heard through the grapevine that f-SD15 is going to be living with her half-sister, not xH. Even after he left me, she still refuses to live with him. I have a serious case of Schadenfreude here.

When SD was living with us (at 14), her older half-siblings did everything possible to undermine our parental authority. When SD got into trouble, her half-siblings told her she was right, her dad was wrong. For example, her half-brother sent her a new cell phone after hers was taken away because she was failing most of her classes. Her half-siblings never, ever told her that she needed to do what her dad said and that she needed to behave. No, they completely encouraged her to be as disobedient as possible and that her dad and I were wrong and she didn’t need to do anything we said.

Within the next 5 years, stb-former SD15 and her half-siblings could be having kids of their own and they have absolutely no desire at all to have a two parent family. They’ve never lived in a two parent family. They don’t understand them or have any respect for marriage or understanding about the relationships between husbands and wives. What the heck kind of families will they have? How f’d up are their kids going to be?

Looking back, SD’s BM’s father was abusive and SD’s grandmother had left him, so, BM grew up without a father. Then BM gives birth to three out of wedlock kids and abandons them. Only SD15 grew up with a father, her half-siblings were raised by their grandmother.

How bad are things going to be for the stepparents of any kid unfortunate enough to have those brats as parents? For them, it will likely be three generations since their ancestors lived in a typical two family household or even had a relationship with their father.

What the hell is happening to our society?


frustrated-mom's picture

One other thing- something a admission counselor from one of the trouble teen programs I talked to relates to this. He said that in the foster care system, they're finding its better for many kids to be placed in group homes and boarding school type programs because they just react so badly to family-like settings.

These kids just cannot tolerate being in a family. It's better for them to be placed in an institutional setting. How f'd up is that? But that is absolutely SD15.

imthewife's picture

My Dh and BM were married for 1 year and 10 months. They separated 3 friggin times during the marriage. They lived with her parents the entire time they were married. She did not drive and barely had a HS education...unlike DH who was getting a masters degree at the time.

To try and "GIVE HER SOMETHING TO DO"...they had a 4 months old...they split and divorced-BM's doing 100%.

So basically...I came in a few years later to a little girl who had ZERO sense of a loving two parent home.

She became a creepy bitch at 16...and it tends to get stranger as she gets OLDER. As a was a breeze.

I refuse to allow her to stay with us full time as a young adult now that she is in college. We had her full time during HS and that was ENOUGH...never, never, never again will she be allowed to live in our home full time (luckily...she goes away to school).

She is going to have a HELL of a time in the realities of life...especially with getting and keeping a boyfriend, let alone a husband. She is too messed up from what never existed in her life...despite my DH and I giving her a loving, stable home...she, like many other stepkids....chooses to ignore that great example and dwell on what she didn't have...

Disneyfan's picture

Just because a man says the woman he picked to mother his child was a one night stand or he never loved her, doesn't mean it's true.

Some men hate to admit that:

A. The once loved a crazy woman

B. They were too stupid to wear a condom

frustrated-mom's picture

Well, in my stb-xH’s case, he never chose to have a child with BM. BM was (excuse the term) an f-buddy and 10 years older than him with two kids already. He was 18 and very, very stupid.

He readily admits that at the time he was not ready to be a parent and would never have chosen to be a parent. He would have gladly paid for BM to have an abortion or signed adoption paperwork. He did not love BM, never really liked her, she was just someone willing to sleep with him.

By the time his daughter was born, he was stationed in across the country in Kentucky. Even if he had known BM was pregnant, he wasn’t going to have been around at all when she was a baby even if BM and him had been in a relationship.

If the parents aren’t married or at least in a committed relationship when the baby is born, it’s going to lead to a f’d up situation, no matter what the relationship was beforehand because the child isn’t going to see any positive role models of what a husband & wife should be growing up during their early years.

ctnmom's picture

I could've written this post. CTBB(SS)was born when my SIL was 15, she had no interest in him or being a mother. MIL and DH (from age 14 on) stepped up. I came into the picture when he was 6. The poor kid, all he wanted was to live with his mom, all he wanted was a parent who wanted him and loved him. (Bio dad went on to have a nuclear family- wife hated CTBB). When he got to teendom, the shit hit the fan. Frustrated- a lot of the behaviors you outlined , he exhibited. The hatred of family, the scorched earth of destruction. It was rough. He's 33 now, with a SS of his own and a baby on the way. He's grown up a lot, and I've let myself be excited about the baby. But time will tell. A kid with no memory of an intact home, chaotic living arraingements- can they go on to have a decent life? :O

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Aish. Great, I have something to look forward to.

BM tried to get DH to sleep with her for over a year and a half before he cracked. She was the girl on the side while he was with his now ex-GF. They were together for a total of a month and a half before she did the "I'm pregnant, you have to marry me" schtick, he came clean with everything and went into therapy with this--broke up with his GF of 5 years, went through the whole custody thing, and 10-15k later, all he has in is a court order. This is a woman 10 years his senior, 20 years mine, and completely crazy. She may have been a good time in bed, but boy did he hit the jackpot on that one--when she decided to tear all his friends away from him (doing he-said, she said, victim card things, and making up stories about what he said about them etc.) including, for a while, his mentor who he had been with for over 15 years.

And people wonder why he has PTSD like symptoms from all of this. I shudder to think what SS is going to be like when he grows up, since he's with a woman who has no moral compunctions against manipulating and hurting others to get what she wants.