“D"H Said He’s Moving Closer to His Sons With Or Without Me (foul language warning)
I guess things are over. There‘s no way I‘m moving and no way I’m going to live with SD if H has absolutely no concern over my feelings. No way I live in a home where I will have no say over anything with his brats and he goes behind my back and does exactly what I told him I wouldn’t do then acts like it's my fault our marriage is over.
H came home early, which I thought was just him getting off work due to the holiday. But he very casually told me he had given 2 weeks notice and had accepted a job offer in another town (about 2+ hours from here and 20 miles southeast of where the boys live).
H loves living vicariously through all of his boys’ sports success so he can’t miss out on anything they’re doing and it’s become far too long of a drive for him to live here and go to every game and practice or to coach. He’s been talking about moving for a while now, but our jobs are here. I guess now my job is here and his job is 90+ miles away. Fucking asshole.
My extended family is here. My son has already changed schools twice in the past 4 years and I don’t want to move him again. My job isn’t the best but apparently H thinks that my job doesn’t matters because I work at a department store.
There is no way I stay in a marriage where my opinions don’t count and he doesn’t care how disrespectful his kids are. He hasn’t put me as his priority since all of this mess started last year. All he cares about is sucking up to that little bitch who has been nothing but disrespectful and hateful towards me. He doesn’t care, won’t stand up for me and doesn’t understand why I hate her so much.
I can’t understand why being a perfect superdaddy to that little bitch is more important to him than his wedding vows. How the hell he can throw away his marriage for that is beyond me.
H said he’s going to look at a rental house that has 4 bedrooms and a basement area, so there’s room for “everyone” - meaning SD and any of her half-siblings who want to come visit (they aren’t related, it’s like inviting random homeless people to come live with you).
I want absolutely nothing to do with SD15 or any of her family. I can’t stand any of them. There’s no possible way I’m living with her and her half-brother. I can tolerate SS7 and SS9 four days a month, but I truly don’t want to have to deal with them more than that. H thinks he can afford all of this by getting the boys 50% of the time and reducing CS payments. (good luck with that.).
I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I can’t even process any of this. I don’t know how financially I can cope with that and I don’t want to get divorced again. But I don’t see a future for this relationship. There’s no way I’m going to be part of his fucked up Brady Bunch fantasyland.
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Does he have biological kids
Does he have biological kids with you?
No. I have a 13 year old son
No. I have a 13 year old son from my 1st marriage who has been very close to his stepdad.
Wow, I feel some sorta
Wow, I feel some sorta resemblance. Not the FDH is going to move near his kids that are an hour or so away. But that "I'm going to do what I wanna do no matter how YOU like it." is so familiar. That's exactly what I got from your post and I know how that is because that's how FDH is too. These things are meant to be discussed not just sprung on someone. "Oh by the way.. I'm moving. I quit my job." I'd turn around the say, "F*ck you man!" I hear all the time your relationship should come before the kids.. I just wish more people would believe that statement, meaning your (D)H and my FDH. I'm know what you mean by not wanting to get divorced.. I wouldn't want to either. I'm considering a break-up with my FDH because I can't deal with who he is as a person. Traits I thought I could deal with I'm now having problems doing so. (Oh, btw.. I'm pregnant. So it's tough decision on my end too not knowing what's right or wrong.)
Good luck. I really feel for you. I hate feeling like I'm being controlled or forced into something just to stay with that person I love.
I think this could be a
I think this could be a blessing for all of you. You will never have to hear about or see SD ever again. He wants to be a dad to his boys. He should be able to DM that. Your bs needs you to spend more time with him. Not his stepfather. You, his mom. His boys were feeling resentful because they felt like they were being pushed aside by their dad with your help for bs. It doesn't excuse their behavior but that's probably how they felt.
Sorry meant "do." I'm on my
Sorry meant "do." I'm on my phone.
I'm really sorry you are
I'm really sorry you are going through this. I think there are some of us who know that we would be pushed aside for bio kids, but haven't had to live it in such a way.
When SO and I almost broke up over SD, all I could think was how stupid he was going to feel when she was no longer interested in him anymore. Then he'd be alone. The alternative, just wait until she is living with him as an adult and he has to support her lazy butt and do everything for her. Either way, I figured if he'd leave me, his situation would end up way worse than mine. I'd at least have a better life.
I guess this doesn't help you much, but try to think about whatever positives you can right now. Start getting busy planning a new future... once you have taken some time to grieve your marriage.
Again, I'm really sorry this happened to you. ((((((hugs)))))
Same situation
I always think about how when SD grows older she’s going to leave him and maybe by that time I won’t even be here anymore. I see mean comments all over the place on this post, but they don’t really know what is like to deal with disrespectful children that are not even yours biologically.. oh and also your SO constantly choosing his kids over you.
DS took the news pretty
DS took the news pretty badly. H was packing up some of his things to take down to storage when DS got home. I thought DS would take my side but he wanted to go with H.
Man's rejection is GOD's
Man's rejection is GOD's protection. If this is his attitude, he's a shitty husband.
Yes, he asked if I wanted to
Yes, he asked if I wanted to go, but he knows that I 100% am against it. I've been perfectly clear when he's brought this up before and wanted to go look at houses down where the boys live. I am not moving. He just shrugged and said he didn't care if I did or didn't go.
Well, I gotta say I think
Well, I gotta say I think this is best for everyone.
You've been angling to remove DH from his kids' lives and replace them with your own bio and your DH has been resisting and resisting.
You've made it clear to him that HIS bios are undeserving an involved father and your precious bio should be treated as his only bio.
You pushed this issue, and you lost.
I think it's best for DH to be involved with his bios, and maybe find a woman someday who appreciates that.
I think it's best for you to move on with your bio, pursue his biodad for support, and be able to take care of the both of you.
I have to say, I'm not surprised at this outcome. I'd figure you're not shocked, either.
Moral of your story: If you try to replace your DH's bios with your own, you may come out on the losing side of your family.
Amen!!!
Amen!!!
Snorty. I wish my steps were
Snorty.
I wish my steps were that troubled.
A part time retail job?!? How the F was she supporting her kid before she got DH to do it??
Wait a second. The whole
Wait a second. The whole reason I found ST was all the problems with SD last year. You don't understand what a horrible person she is and how she has made my life utterly miserable. She doesn't do drugs or drink and she's likely a lesbian, so on ST she's a perfect angel just because she's smart and volunteers to help abandoned horses. She's a self-centered arrogant little bitch who treats other people horribly.
She doesn't deserve to be
She doesn't deserve to be COMPENSATED. They have a short marriage and no kids, AND OP totally did this to herself.
Read her history. She's been trying to get DH away from his kids for years. She thinks her perfect bioson (who's father is MIA) should be treated like DH's bio and DH's ACTUAL bios should just... well, disappear.
I totally agree.
I totally agree.
BEFORE their marriage?
BEFORE their marriage? Forsaking their vows? That is not what a good parent does. What kind of message does that send his boys - their stupid soccer practices are more important than their father's marriage?!?
The man wants to parent his
The man wants to parent his kids.
He asked you to move and you refused.
You made the choice you felt was best for you and your son. He made the choice he felt was best for him and his sons.
I don't know what the hell
I don't know what the hell has happened to StepTalk and while all the BM-lovers/skid-first idiots have taken over. When I first found this site, it was a real source of support and comfort for all the problems I was having with SD. My SM days are over but I feel sorry for any new SM who find this site now.
Your DH is doing what he
Your DH is doing what he thinks is best for him and his children.
You are doing what you think is best for you and your child (although, I personally cannot imagine a part time retail job would be enough to support yourself and your son.)
What's the difference? He offered for you to go, you said no.
You offered for him to stay, he said no.
Y'all just want different things right now.
Yes, DH wants his daughter's
Yes, DH wants his daughter's older half-siblings to be able to stay with them. Their BM abandoned them 10 years ago. Neither of them have any contact with their fathers. It sounds all well and good, but these are f'd up people that I don't want to live with. It is an absolute dealbreaker that I would let them into my home. They aren't related to me. I don't want anything to do with them.