Why won't he just parent his kids!!!!!!!
I'm a 26 year old first time mom of a 4 month old baby girl. Dating a guy, 28, with 2 kids of his own from a previous relationship, BS8 and BD4. And the 4 month old is our daughter together. We aren't married yet and I honestly dont know if I'd ever marry him at this point because his kids drive me bonkers!
Prior to the birth of our child I was in an on again-off again relationship with this guy for a couple years. When I finally decided I was done with him and wanted to leave the relationship for good, I find out I'm pregnant (go figure). I actually didn't even know I was pregnant for a while. Didn't find out until I was 6 months, so we weren't together at all during my pregnancy. What hurts is that I told him right away when I found out and he was super excited about our baby. After a few days passes he decides it's better for me to give the baby up for adoption and I refused. After spending a month apart he came around and decided he wanted to be in our child's life and he wanted to make it work with me and he did everything he could to prove that he would treat me better and would earn back my trust and since we've been back together he really has been on the straight and narrow.
It's now been 6 months since we've been back together. We have not moved in together yet. We would've by now if his kids weren't so awful. I refused to live with him because I just can't deal with them. Yes, I knew he had kids when we met and I got along fine with them then, but after having my own child I began to pickup on all of the behavior problems his kids have and these were things I never noticed before. Now that I have my own child I realized that's I absolutely do not want our child to grow up and be anything like his kids.
He's the exact definition of a Disney dad. Let's his kids do whatever they want. Allows them to make decisions. They throw tantrums and he sits back and does nothing. He lets them eat junk food all day. If they do something wrong they never have consequences. He indulges them constantly. They never have to earn anything because everything is just handed to them. They are ungrateful, entitled, rude, no manners, disrespectful, just awful kids! Dad just caters to their every need like he's their maid. They don't do anything themselves. They make a mess by leaving trash all over the place and never cleanup after themselves, which they are both old enough to know how to do. I no longer enjoy being around them and am trying to figure out how I'm going to limit my daughter's exposure to them as she grows up so she does not pickup their terrible behaviors.
I feel like there's hope for me to bond with his daughter and build a good relationship with her, but I'm worried that as she grows up things will change. She looks and acts exactly like her BM and as she grows up I expect her behavior to get worse. However, she loves having a baby sister and she loves to be near me (mom spends no time with her) so I could be that mother figure she needs and maybe I could influence her so her behavior becomes a lot better and she grows up to be mature and respectful. His son is a different story. I no longer have an interest in bonding with him because I have 0 in common with him. All he wants to do is play video games 24/7 or watch YouTube videos, he has no other interests. He constantly has some type of screen in his face. If he's not playing his PS4 he's on an iPad or his Nintendo switch. He's never around when I come over and I'm nothing but nice to him. I feel bad that he isolates himself but I dont know what we can do about that. I don't want him to grow up and be resentful when he sees pictures of the four of us together (boyfriend, BD, FSD, and myself) and he's not in any of them. My boyfriend gets his kids EOW and every Sunday and every Tuesday. His BM is not too bad... for now anyway. She hasn't given us any problems yet which is great for us, but I assume if we ever actually move in together, get married and I start spending a lot more time around her kids she may try to become more controlling. She has her own man right now and everyone is surprised he hasn't proposed to her yet, but I know if he leaves her she'll probably try to take her anger out on us, especially since she always thought she'd have my man to fall back on (she cried when my boyfriend told her I was pregnant) but she won't have anyone, so hopefully this guy stays with her.
Their dad and his BM don't parent or discipline these kids in any way because they are in competition with each other. Sadly they are both competing to be the favorite parent. They both try to hard to be friends to these kids instead of actual parents and it's sad. I don't know what to do because I care about my boyfriend and I know that him, I, and our daughter could be an amazing family, which is why I don't want to leave him, but his kids will always be around ruining things, which makes me feel like I should run especially since we're not married yet so I'm free to leave anytime, but my daughter deserves to have a two parent household and we deserve to be happy together as a couple. It's a difficult situation. I don't know if I should stay and hope my boyfriend sees the error of his ways and starts being an actual parent to his kids or If I just leave now while our baby's young so she has no memory of us being together.