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BM drama

Frazzled2020's picture

Gist. 
There is a mediated agreement that states that DH and BM are to only communicate via email unless an emergency. 
BM texted two weeks ago when SD left her phone at our house (DH didn't respond via text) 

BM just texted now. DH doesn't plan on responding

DH has texted BM once to discuss phone call time change and she sent an extensive email about that Wasnt per the mediated agreement. 
I don't understand how rules don't apply to BM. And yes of course DH will just email her on Sunday night and say for her to follow proocal (which she doesn't do) 

Comments

sharlyns's picture

She probably doesn't even know what that neans!! Why they allow them to behave this way is beyond me. I'm like step to the door and well talk like human beings! But no one is brave enough.  Hang in there! They gonna make a hig mistake soon!

Maxwell09's picture

They truly don't think rules apply to them. He shouldnt respond at all. Even a follow up email is still playing her game. Tell her she's blocked if you need to make it a point to only use email. My husband and BM used email only. At first she refused and would send novels upon novels. But thanks to the advice here, we carried on and she eventually got with the program bc it was the only way for her to get him to respond to her. 

Frazzled2020's picture

To my knowledge my husband only ever texts BM if they are running a little late to drop the SC off. Which is never past the 15 minute window. 
maybe he needs to send that in an email as well and stop texting ever in the history of all texts.

shes so unnecessary lol. 
I love that the rules don't apply to her, in her mind 

Justthesecondwife's picture

We have been there, done that. My skids BM is a law unto herself (literally - she is a downright criminal) but would go ballistic if DH didn't comply with every word she said. There is no insight into these BM's, they will justify anything they do with out exception.

tog redux's picture

They genuinely do think the rules are there to keep DH's bad bahavior in check. And they love showing they don't have to follow them. So just keep ignoring. A left phone is not an emergency.  If you can, change the agreement to NO texting and give an emergency contact that BM won't harass - a friend she wants to impress or a cousin she doesn't know. 

Thisisnotus's picture

Yep!

dh and BM have this majorly detailed agreement. FH follows it 100 percent even to a fault in my opinion......BM has never once followed a single thing on it.

for whatever reason my dh lives by the words in that document......and is terrified if he things he’s done something wrong. Barf 

Lifer33's picture

Block her from calling or texting, if there was a genuine emergency surely a mother, boyfriend or other relative can contact him. 

Frazzled2020's picture

Is that acceptable? Their agreement is that they only email unless there is an emergency. (Which BM texts and calls for anything) so could he block her legally? (Like would the judge frown on it)? 

Ashleytenorio17's picture

I wish my DH and BM had that agreement because BM use to constantly text DH and random things . She use to text him asking for his CC number to buy things for SD. I told him y'all really need to only communicate for pick up , drop off and emergency. It's annoying . They really do think the rules do not apply to them at all but pressure DH to follow them. BM moved 3 hours away , got a apt and has been there for 5 months and left SD to live with her mother. She has not told any one her updated address. DH has SD EOW but god forbid he miss one weekend!!!! 

Goodluck's picture

STOP TEXTING all together.

Honestly I do not know how any of you can stand it. Thank God we never started the texting thing with bm. No one associated with bm knows our cells. It is best for us that way.

In your case, email. Follow the 15min if your late rule, too bad.

JMO

Sorry about this. There is something dh can do....DONT TEXT.

Change cell number works too.

Frazzled2020's picture

Correct! He doesn't text her but to tell her they running late (which they have a fifteen minute window we've never exceeded) 

I told him last night I'd rather just email that instead of texting. 

 

any text lets her think it's okay to text when she wants 

strugglingSM's picture

In the eyes of an attention-seeking BM, any attention is good attention. If your BM is anything like mine, she will do anything to prolong a conversation and texting gives her instant gratification, which feeds her need for attention. 

Frazzled2020's picture

Yes it is always long drawn out arguing emails on her end. Then she texts. He doesnt answer them but it doesn't stop them from coming. 
our new thought is that we will be blocking her # from his phone starting today. 
they are only suppose to connect via email anyways. 
I also suggested that we create a new email. A different @.

that way his anxiety is less likely to go off. 
right now it's calls and texts and emails. So maybe if he only has her using this random email the. His texts and calls and current emails address will help him relax. 
unfortubately, we can't stop the email harassment but at least we can manage it to one application on his phone.  

strugglingSM's picture

I think many of us on this site have BMs who believe that rules don't apply to them.

DH and BM, in my case, also have an agreement that they only communicate through email, now through Our Family Wizard. BM still continues to call and text. Everything is an emergency and requires an "immediate response", even though their agreement gives 96 hours for response time. BM will regularly ask a question and DH will give her an answer. Then she'll ask the same question again...and again...and again. When DH doesn't respond, BM will send messages saying that because DH is not responding to her, she has no choice, but go to back to their old communication approach. 
 

BM also doesn't believe any other rules apply to her. It is "unfair" for her to have to drop SSs off at our house and she claims she has to "work late" or "has other plans" or anything to get out of it. She also believes that when the clock strikes 6pm, she is no longer responsible, so if SSs are out at 6pm, it's now DH's responsibility to pick them up - despite what their agreement says. Meanwhile, when DH was picking up and asked to move the pick up time due to a new job, she threatened to take him to court for "violating the parenting plan". Also, when DH asked if she would pick up the SSs at the end of a weekend because they wanted to stay after drop off time, BM accused him of just trying to get out of driving to her house. 

In my view, many HCBM's are incredibly juvenile and what do juveniles do? They make excuses, blame others, and feel that rules only apply to others.

I wish there was some way to hold up a mirror to these BMs to show them how ridiculous they are perpetual victims and immune to seeing fault within themselves.

Frazzled2020's picture

Do we have the same BM? Hahah! It sounds so similar! 
DH was going to offer the wizard website but we know she will deny it. 
 

we think we are going to send an email reiterating his # and my # for emergencies 

 

and then we will block her # from his cell. 

 

she can email him and if it's a true emergency, she can reach out to me. 
 

but it's never an emergency. It is just as you said. The same thing, again and again. 
 

"how do I know that the kids are brushing their teeth at your house?" 
 

"because they are. Etc etc" 

 

"but how can I trust that" 

 

like just an excuse to message my husband (I think) 

 

id like it if she took all of her anger and aggression out on her current husband instead of her ex husband.