You are here

Happy OSD update

Felicity0224's picture

It's a big week around here. DD8 is the lead in a theatrical production that opens on Friday. Pretty much every moment of our Summer has been taken up by rehearsals, voice lessons, and at home practice and it's been very exciting. In the past, DD experiencing something like this would cause both SDs to feel jealous and act out in various ways to try to get XH and I to pay attention to them. So much so that when DD got the part, I almost swore XH to secrecy because I didn't want to deal with any lashing out from my SDs. But I'm happy to say that OSD has really surprised me with her growth over the last several months and it's changed our relationship and her relationship with DD for the better.

OSD spent most of the Spring in an intensive outpatient treatment for anxiety and depression. Since then we've had some really good discussions about what she worked on in therapy and how it helped her realize a lot of things about her parents and about me. She's been a completely different person and offered genuine apologies and an effort to make amends for her behavior. I'm cautiously reconnecting with her after being disengaged for quite some time. Last week she and I went on a five day trip, just the two of us. In early 2019, after a disaster of a Christmas, I swore that I would never take her on another trip. So I never envisioned that we'd go somewhere alone and actually have a great time, but we did! She was gracious and polite the whole time. Thanked me repeatedly. And was just generally fun to travel with. I really can't get over it. 

She is moving into a dorm at university (90 minutes away) this weekend, so she's been making an effort to come over and spend time with DD before she goes. She's helped her rehearse her lines for the show, taken her to lunch, and brought her some fun school supplies. She even rescheduled her move in date so she can attend DD's opening night. All things that you would expect a normal older sister to do, but after the last few years I really thought that it was pointless to hope that either of my SDs would have a healthy relationship with DD.

Last night she sent me the link to register for family weekend at the university and asked me if I would come and bring DD. When I asked if she wouldn't rather have BM there, she told me that since BM is helping her move in, she'd already told her that she would prefer DD and I to come to family weekend, and BM agreed that was a good idea. 

I. Am. Shocked. I know from experience that our relationship won't be perfect from now on. And XH and I are paying for a large chunk of her college and living expenses and there are stipulations attached to that, so I am certain that some tensions will arise. But the fact that she's matured so much and is being more honest and handling her emotions in a healthy way gives me so much hope.

I'm mostly sharing this because I know that so many of you here feel like your relationship with your SKs can't possibly improve. I genuinely felt that way too. I never had any hatred of my SDs, but they have caused a lot of pain over the years and I didn't foresee a way that we could recover from that. There were times that I was tempted to just burn the bridge and shut DD and myself off from them completely. Now I'm glad that I instead opted to silently disengage and kept things cordial enough that OSD felt like she was able to approach me again. Seeing that people *can* grow and change given time and the right tools, desire, and circumstances has really given me so much peace and hope for the future. 


caninelover's picture

Sounds like she took the therapy seriously and is turning herself around.  Happy for you all!