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OSD - Labor to be induced in couple days for their 4th child

jam's picture

OSD will be induced in a couple days to give birth to their 4th child. My dh will take off work and we will take the 2 hour trip to go to the hospital to see the baby. I REALLY wish I could just stay home.

I managed to stay home for the last two trips.

1st: I did not attend sgs8 1st communion. I am rarely sick but was sick. My dh was disappointed that I was not going and accused me of just not wanting to go. I told him he was right, I did not want to go & went on to say that I will not be missed and if I went while being sick that OSD & her dh, OSD's brother-n-law & sister-n-law, DH's ex, & all the other haters would just have something to complain about. My dh THEN wants to take my bgs4 with him. I told him I did not want bgs4 around all the drama. DH tells me "there wont be any drama!". I swear the man does not even recognize drama. So he does not take bgs4 and goes. When he got home he told me his ex was there and MSD who we had not talked to in 7 years was there. DH goes on to tell me that it was obvious that his ex and MSD were a team and made it a point to shun him and make sure everyone knew they were shunning him.

2nd: OSD got sick and was in the hospital. She had the same symptoms I had had when I did not attend the 1st gathering, persistent cough. I had already made plans to spend the day with my BD & so DH goes to the hospital alone to see OSD. Before he heads back home with the gkids, he mowed OSD's yard (OSD's DH was out of town as he works 10 days on/10 days off. Why her dh did not mow the yard before he left is no surprise to me) and my dh also mowed OSD'S widowed mother-n-laws yard (she lives a few houses down from them). When he got home and we were alone, dh tells me that OSD's house was a filthy mess and that it was sooo bad that he would hate for DHS to see it. BTW, their house is always messy. Anyway, I tell him that I am glad I did not go as I know he would have wanted me to clean their house and that I WOULD NOT & that I would resent even being asked. Surprisingly he totally understood. I went on to say that had I been there & mentioned the filthy house that HE would have accused me of hating his kids.

Just a few past gatherings.

OSD wedding.

My now estranged SS was one of the escorts. SS had just escorted a family member to their seat & had returned to the back of the church. I stood there briefly & then asked, "are you supposed to escort me?", SS just stood there with a blank stair and shrugged his shoulders. I seated myself only to then be chewed out publicly by my dh's ex bil and told to move. The brother-n-law was not even at the rehearsal the nite before and I sat exactly where OSD had rehearsed for me to sit. I did not make a scene & simply moved.

Thanksgiving dinner at dh's family.

OSD had her 1st baby there who was only a couple weeks old. My sister-n-law announces that dinner is ready. OSD & MSD were in the back bedroom where OSD was nursing the baby. I go back to tell both that dinner is ready and also told OSD that when she is ready to eat that I would hold the baby so that she could eat. I return to the dinning room and sat down with the family. MSD walk out of the bedroom & up to SS who was sitting at the table and whispers something to him and goes back to the bedroom. Then OSD walks out holding the baby with MSD at her side. I walk over to OSD but before I could get to her, SS was standing at her other side. I reach for the baby and tell her to enjoy her meal. She hands me the baby and then tells me curtly to remember that there are others that want to hold the baby. I am now confused and holding the baby. I look at my ss who was standing there and say "did you want to hold the baby?", he says no and they all walk off. Mind you, all the rest of the family was at the table eating.

OSD invites her family & in-law's to an outdoor public gathering that is to be held in couple weeks.

When I had received OSD's invite via social media, I declined. OSD comes back with "I thought you would enjoy, have you ever EVEN heard the group?", I messaged back that I just did not like crowds. What I really did not want was to be around her BM. When my dh finds out, he calls OSD to inquire about it and specifically asked her if her mother was going to be there. DH tells OSD that we will attend after she had reassured him that her mother was busy and would not be there. OSD even reinforced that same message several times before the scheduled event. Fast forward. As we are literally walking out the door to leave for the event, OSD sends her dad a text and tells him that bm will be there but later on in the day. We arrive and within 20 min BM has also arrived. My DH is about 20 feet from me visiting with OSD & others when BM walks up to me as I am sitting on a blanket on the ground. BM leans down and has her nose within 4 inches of my nose and says "Hiiiiiii Jam"!. I stare at her for a moment and then turn my head without saying a word. BM then goes up to OSD and says she has to leave as she is so upset that I ignored her. So now, OSD is angry at me and later my dh is telling me I should have just said hello. WHAT! BM gets in MY FACE and I should just smile and say hello?

Well anyway. My dh just forgets these incidents. I mean he really forgets MOST of them until I remind him.

So here I am, dreading going and feeling like I HAVE to go.

Also, I have always made nice gifts or purchased something nice for the new babies. I did not with OSD 2nd child as we were all estranged at the time and I did not see OSD 2nd child until he was a year old. I made a nice "diaper cake" for the 3rd and never even got a thank you. So guess what? I have no gift to give for this baby.

Anyway, I just wanted to share with you the latest.

Lemonygirl's picture

Woah, I think disengagement I'd your friend here. These people are playing vile nasty mean girl games and I would expose myself to any of it for one more second. This isn't good for you or your sanity. Why go places where you are only tolerated rather than celebrated? Just stop! Let DH support his family and you support him doing that but as for you, you need to be DONE.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Jam, I think you need to disengage. If not fully, then at least take a few steps back.

If someone says 'Hi', simply reply 'Hi' and nothing more.
Stop offering to do things for the skids. Don't offer to hold the baby so OSD can eat.
No more gifts. Let your DH take care of this.

I'm sure their rudeness bothers you (it would me, too), but for your own peace of mind, it's time to do less and be bothered by less.

Acratopotes's picture

Jam - disengage, these are adult people you are stressing about, and it's not worth it....sop feeling guilty about it, DH can pick up a gift for the baby... by the way it's the 4th one who cares, only the first grand child is special im my view, but if it's not mine it's not special at all Wink

notasm3's picture

Do you realize that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do? It doesn't matter who gets mad.

steppingback's picture

All the above. You are the designated bad guy and they are bullying you. My DH would be going alone.

sammigirl's picture

Disengage from these miserable people. Seriously, take yourself away from this; you don't deserve to be treated badly. To disengage, frees you; I know, I've done it and I love it.

My DH doesn't even realize the passive aggression, while it's going on right in front of his face. So therefore, there is nothing for him to recall.

I would not make excuses for not going anywhere near these people; I would just say straight out that you don't want to go, you don't feel comfortable, and I would NOT remind or mention birthdays, gifts, special occasions, or holidays. It is amazing how much stuff goes by not recognized, because I quit doing it for my DH, skids, and sgrandkids. I have every date written on a calendar and my DH can't even remember to look at the calendar.

It has been four years since I've even mentioned a gift, birthday, holidays, etc. I do for my family, which isn't anything but token, because we no longer have small children; they are grown. Therefore, I don't go all out for my family either.

Good Luck

SugarSpice's picture

i can only add to this: disengage. too boring and repetitive for me to be concerned. i once cared but now i cant be bothered. dh did not have a clue and was no help. his children are train wrecks.

arrested? yawn.

problems with relationships or drugs? yawn.

mental break down? yawn.

cant start a family infertility problems? zzzzzzzzzzz

sammigirl's picture

THIS.....too much drama and it only takes up space in their lives; I don't let it come into my life any longer. I'm too busy to even hear their drama.

When my SD56 and SGD32 visit DH, which isn't often (Thank God), they have nothing but this list of drama; when they walk out the door, I really couldn't tell you what they discussed. I hear them, but I don't listen.

I never dreamed I would reach this point of disengagement; I love it!

SugarSpice's picture

^^^ one of the adult skids is our drama queen. numerous failed relationships, drugs and alcohol. not having enough money. numerous car accidents and evictions.

of course daddeeee is always ready with an excuse for her and to bail her out.

Disillusioned's picture

Wow, I can relate to all of this. Not fun. Yes, disengage and stay away. Way too stressful otherwise!

jam's picture

Well the good news is we did not go to the hospital so I did not have to be around the stepmom haters. we plan to go in a few days & see baby at home. I will update you then.