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Estranged SS is back (again)

jam's picture

It has been awhile since I have posted anything. Just a little update on what is going on for me in step life.

My dh received a call from estranged ss (2 year estrangment). They had a long conversation. In that conversation ss relayed to his father that I had shunned him they last time he was over. Keep in mind we have lived in our current home for a little over 5 years and ss as only been over twice. Once just before a 3 year estrangement and once after the 3 year estrangement (which is so hypocritical since ss is the one who had not talked to us in 3 years and then he has the NERVE to say I shunned HIM?)

The last estrangement has been for 2 years. During that 2 years SS married and took his wife's last name. I am waiting for the excuse that puts the name change blame on me too. At the moment my dh and ss are playing the pretend game. Pretending nothing ever happened.

The good news is that my dh defended me. DH told ss that he expected him to accept jam simply because she is MY WIFE.

Also, my dh is not pushing ss on me. After the 3 year estangement my dh invitied ss to Thanksgiving dinner over my objections. Although I did not want ss coming to Thanksgiving, I was kind and polite to him & his then girlfriend (now wife). Of course I was rewarded with the accusation of shunning them. 

Last weekend I had a family get together to celebrate Easter.  I chose to celebrate Easter early so as to not interfere with others plans for the actual Easter weekend. Had 12 adults & eight kids which included my SD & her 4 kids. The party was nice and everyone had a great time.

I was so thankful that although my dh wanted to invite ss & his wife to my get together, he did not. My dh had only mentioned it to me but then in the same breath he expressed that he did not think it a good idea. Of course I totally agreed with him.

 

tog redux's picture

Would you describe this estrangement as parental alienation? As in, the kids are aligned with BM against DH, and most of all, YOU? And even as adults, they are still under her thumb?

Good for DH for standing up for you.  And good for him for recognizing that he shouldn't expect you to spend time with SS at all. 

tog redux's picture

My SS19 was alienated for over 3 years and now that he's back, he's hot and cold about DH, in and out of contact. I think that's pretty typical of alienated kids and young adults.  DH has never really talked about it with SS, either, they just picked up where they left off.  All I can do is stay out of it.