Is he making things up about SD?
I haven't posted in ages. I learned to cope by disengaging from just about everyone.
DH is semi estranged from his daughter also, but he does try and reach out on holidays.
He calls to wish her a Happy Easter. It's painful to hear because he seems to be trying so hard and she doesn't seem to have time for him. I don't believe the phone call lasted more than a minute or two.
I don't mention the phone call because disengagement, yanno?
He comes in and tells me one thing after another about what is going on in her life that they had no time to discuss.
Every time it's some new drama. Getting sick, changing jobs, getting divorced, getting death threats from steps on BM side, getting another surgery, getting a restraining order just on and on and on.
I listen and mumble uh huh in all the right places but I have no interest. I don't care and most of the time I doubt any of the stuff my husband is telling me is true. (he and sd and bm have always been master manipulators)
I had this weird thought that maybe husband is making this stuff up to try and get me to feel sorry for SD?
I know from reading here(and my own experience)the ludicrous lengths they will go to in order to try and make us stop disengaging.
I mean it could happen. They go for years lying to us and refusing to see bad behavior of skids and bms so why wouldn't they make things up to try and get us to sympathize or make it look like they're still soooo close even though they are pretty much still on the outs?
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isn't his daughter a cutter?
Perhaps I misremember. it's tough to disengage with serious mental health issues at stake.
Mental health dysfunction colors a family.
.
No, that was OUR daughter
No, that was OUR daughter upon hearing husband scream that SD was his ONLY daughter because he was pissy about my impending disengagement. He was angry at me for not going to SD wedding. He has.... issues.
She is okay now. We went to therapy for a while.
"Wow DH, SD must have the
"Wow DH, SD must have the fastest mouth in the world to cover all that in 60 seconds. Did she bother to ask you how YOUR life is going?"
Then just stare at him with that expression that says you aren't impreased and don't care. The beauty of the statement above is that it a) lets DH know you are onto his lies, b) lets DH know his daughter is still selfish even if she gave him a minute of her time, and c) reminds your DH that not only do you not care, but you find the behavior rude when it is presented to you.
Good idea but I'm too
Good idea but I'm too detached to do that.
I usually just let him think I believe him or let him think he won the game, argument or whatever.
That way he won't feel threatened by me.
I am thinking one of 2 things
I am thinking one of 2 things is happening:
1) They text. The converstation you heard was only a couple of minutes but texting happens and you don't know about it. Everytime she gets frustrated or overwhelmed she sends him a text about how horrible her life is. I mean, if she is going to be miserable, she might as well make her guilty-feeling dad feel horrible too.
2) He is doing exactly what you think. If this is the case and you want nothing to do with SD, then nodding and smiling (or frowing) and saying "Golly-jeeze.. that sounds awful". Is about all you can do...
I wondered if they were
I wondered if they were texting a lot but usually if he has much contact with her he treats me shitty so maybe not---unless he finally figured out I'm done and divorce will cost him too much.
One time he threatened to divorce me. I seriously called his bluff and never heard another word about it.
So I usually just smile and nod and let it go in one ear and out the other and take it all with a ton of salt.