Disengaged - but they just keep trying for a reaction!
I'm about as disengaged as I can be OSD and DH's sister (and BM). There is a whole history of their rotten behaviour and for good reason I stay as uninvolved and unaware of their lives as I can. Not that they ever stop 'poking' - continuously trying to get reaction from me, through mean, spiteful revengeful episodes.
The nice part about being so detached from them and their lives, is I can see all the more clearly when they are doing these things, all from an unemotional uncaring view.
For the most part this works and I remain unraveled despite all their efforts to shake me up
But here we have another 'episode' minor perhaps, but causing DH & I inconvenience and possible upset. Got to keep reminding myself to stay unemotional, and just deal with the fall-out from their crap no differently then if it ware some jerk at work that I couldn't care less about
We knew about YSD's wedding rehearsal for a while now. YSD has mentioned it several times, including that BM would be there, but never once in all those times said anything to DH about being there. Not one time did she ask DH to be there
We assumed DH would and should be there, but since YSD never once asked him about coming, we brushed if off as maybe he didn't need to be there after all, he was just walking her down the aisle so perhaps not a big deal.
In the meantime, YSD has asked me to host the bridal dinner. As I get along great with her and we have none of the issues OSD and I have, I had no problem doing this for her.
Then she asked if it could be immediately following the rehearsal dinner (so of course it would be rude not to invite BM who again would be at the wedding rehearsal not to mention is the mother of the bride, which I did, and BM confirmed she is coming with her SO and 6 of her relatives)
Sine the rehearsal dinner is immediately following the rehearsal, which is about 20 minutes or longer away, DH & I planned to go the restaurant while the wedding rehearsal was going on, to prepare for everything. YSD was aware of this.
So DH is talking with FIL today and FIL tells him that OSD said that DH needs to be at the wedding rehearsal next week.
DH says he knows nothing about that, YSD has never once asked him, and, we have to be at the restaurant preparing for the Rehearsal dinner during that time. FIL suggests DH phone OSD and ask.
So DH phones OSD.
YSD was with her.
DH asks to speak with YSD who says yes you need to be at the wedding rehearsal Dad.
So, DH says okay...but then calls me wondering how we're going to swing it? Grrrr!!!
She knew we would be at the restaurant. And she's never once mentioned DH coming to the wedding rehearsal instead. Now here it is right before the dinner and suddenly DH needs to be at the rehearsal dinner instead.
DH decides that since we were taking one car to the restaurant (as we are checking into the hotel together prior to that and will be there for two nights, rehearsal dinner night and wedding day night) with running around in between, made no sense to take two cars/extra gas for nothing.
I told DH just go to the rehearsal on his own, will take my own car and meet him at the restaurant later but he says no, we are not doing that. He says that I'm going with him to the wedding rehearsal and we are leaving the moment his 'part' is done, as we have to get to the restaurant.
This really worries me, we have about 50 people coming and so we really can't be late. I'm not sure we'll be able to pull it off.
However, if we go separately then it means OSD, YSD, BM and DH all get to be together as one "family" (with SM not included of course) which I'm sure was 100% was the intention of OSD or BM, or both. And who knows, maybe even YSD since she knew DH had to be there and said nothing until right before, and of course well after she had asked me to host the bridal dinner immediately following the rehearsal.
Either way it causes inconvenience and frustration for DH & I...
Perhaps it was just an oversight and not something to worry about, but the other side of me knows OSD and BM especially, and think this was all part of the plan.
Will continue to be disengaged and not get frazzled, whether I go to the wedding rehearsal - OSD and BM's plans would be foiled too LOL - or if I just go on my own to the restaurant to insure all is ready for the dinner.
Either way, I will keep a big friendly smile on my face and be pleasant and polite, and not for one minute give them the satisfaction of seeing me annoyed!
But, lesson to SM, from now on I think I will even be a little more disengaged from YSD. Not that she necessarily did anything wrong. But I find between all of them I would rather just stay as not a part of things as I can, there always seems to be back-lash, just for trying to be nice