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Just ended my 5 year relationship/engagement

Fedup37's picture

After a 5 year relationship, 3 of those years engaged, I finally ended my unhealthy relationship.  The hard thing is when it wasn’t his kids weekend we were ok, so what I thought but the arguing got worse, and my daughter that’s 10 took notice.  She has had a lot of depression lately.  Not just blue feelings but a lot of depression.  I found out after talking to her about her feeling of is splitting she was so happy to have him and the kids out of our lives!  He has 4 other kids and refuses to give them any accountability or structure, and gets mad if I have to leave him alone because he’s overwelmed with them.  My daughter has lost respect for him over the years from his jealousy with her Dad, his poutiness when things don’t go his way, and always fighting with me.  It was a hard thing to do because I love him, and he loves me, but I am ill with 4 auto immunes and his kids were out of control.  We went to counseling, but had a difficult time applying the concepts during heated times.  I am day 1 of him gone with swollen eyes from crying. I know I did the right thing for my daughter.  I’m strong and will not waiver back to being with him or any relationship until my child is out of high school!  Blended families are impossible at least for me and my daughter.  So my focus is on her, and when I feel sad and lonely I just journal all the unhealthiness I put my daughter through and what the relationship was and warning signs, and I thank God for the strength to end the engagement before I married him.  Heart break is hard though, but I know each day gets better!

Comments

futurobrillante99's picture

My kids (21, 24 and 27) are thrilled that I'm leaving my husband after 18 MONTHS of marriage and 4 years together.

I also love him very much, but have similar problems with his kids being given no boundaries or consequences.

Stay strong. It's gonna suck a lot before it doesn't.

ESMOD's picture

While your daughter's well being may have been the final PUSH.. it's clear from what you wrote that you wouldn't have been well off staying even if you didn't have a daughter.  It sounds like your EX was manipulative and his kids were unmanageable due to his poor parenting.  I'm sure your daughter saw how it was breaking your down and that also made her even sadder.

While not all blended families fail.. they do require a lot of work on all the parties part.  It sounds like that was not going to be close to possible with this guy.

 

DaizyDuke's picture

Thank you for putting your daughter first.  So many times we read around here, where women (or men) are living in horrible situations, with skids tormenting everyone in the house with their crappy, unchecked behaviors or spouses who are too busy guilty "parenting" to see beyond the end of their nose and notice that their wife (or husband) is hurting, being disrespected etc.  yet these people stay.  No amount of financial stability or penis size is worth any of that... at least not to me! 

You will hurt for a while, but you will look back.. especially when your daughter graduates with honors, earns an award, or simply smiles and lets you know how happy she is in life.. that you did the right thing.  **hugs**

Tiger7's picture

It is a hard thing to end a relationship sometimes but it sounds like it was the best thing to do. After my ex-husband and I split up, I remained on my own (no dating, etc) until my youngest was out of high school - that was 19 years!  I just didn't want to deal with another man in our lives plus between working and raising 3 kids, I was too exhaused to date.  Once my youngest went to college, I dated and found my dream man.  Keep your head up!  And good luck to you and your daughter

Sparewheel35's picture

Congratulations on ur Strength and taking your life back so many of us want to do it and never do I’m married 36 years with 2SD’s and I always think it’s going to change and it never does..so good for u..I’m sorry for ur pain but Hooray for your strength

Bcuzimdone's picture

Those kids of his being adult age won’t stop the behaviours! Trust me.  You’re doing the right thing.